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shaking with anger

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 6:14 PM
  • 12 Replies
Bm called today to tell dh that SD has been difficult to handle lately. Lately is a lie.. she's been calling dh for a year now on e a week to cry about how she can't handle SD. Well now its my sons fault because the kids fight. They are both 3 years old.. only 6 weeks apart.. yes they fight yes we intervene and yes we discipline. So bm calls with her mother to tell dh that I need to take my son and leave my house every weekend. Fuck that. Bm can drop that shit with a quickness because its not happening. Then her mother who has never even seen my son asked if my son has Adhd . Then goes on to say if I don't leave then she will not allow SD to come over for her visits.. so dh will be out there Friday with court order in hand and a sherriff by his side. I am shaking with anger
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by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 6:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Oct. 3, 2011 at 6:22 PM
They are talking shit get a reaction; they have no way to enforce their demands and no proof to bring the issue before a judge. Let.it.go!
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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 3, 2011 at 6:25 PM

Take a deep breath.  Don't react to BM.  Don't feed the monster.  Breath in.  Breath out.  Repeat.

This is not to diminish the blind rage that you are probably feeling when some woman who has nothing to do with your child attempts to control what you do with your child or comment negatively about him.  Rage away at that.  But rage strategically.

Let DH handle it. 

Questions:  How often do you have SD?  How long have you been with DH?  Is there a CO?  Is your son diagnosed with ADD? I am not asking these questions in an accusatory way, but to be strategic, you need more info.

Yes you can just say fuck her.  But in the long run, is that most strategic?  Is there a way to not allow her any space in your home anreduce conflict?

Chelliza1028
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 6:31 PM
SD is over every weekend but bm asked dh for this past weekend because bms mom was coming from out of town dh agreed. Yes there's a court order for this and from now on dh will be following it to a t. No my son is a normal healthy well adjusted kid. I have a doctors proof to back this up since he has seen a therapist before due trouble seeing things he shouldn't have seen and yes he's fine.. no reason for me to worry and no reason for pyscho senior to worry about my kid. Dh and I met 13 months ago and have been married for 2.5 months.
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jessiesluv
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 6:32 PM

 I agree. Let dh handle it. Dont give her a reaction, dont do anything or say anything crazy. 3 years old? They are kids!! Geez.

Sounds like the bm here. She uses her momma to try to start and fight her battles.

jenessamarie
by The follower :) on Oct. 3, 2011 at 7:09 PM

Oh don't shake with anger...shake it off. i wish things like that didn't bother me... Doesn't anymore, but used to... What she says means nothing, the action your DH takes is all that matters. Give him your opinion and move on... Like you said, these people don't even know your son, they have no idea what they're talking about.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 3, 2011 at 7:30 PM

I agree not shaking is better, but jennessa - she is a brand new SM puppy here with a practically brand new baby boy.  (My DDs are almost 15 and 17 so a 3 year old still sounds brand new.)  I remember BM inserting herself early on into how I parented my DDs and I was livid.  It was such an invasion.  Mama bear came roaring out.  A few years into this journey and I don't react the same way.

So OP, yes, the goal should be not to shake with rage.  But I think it is normal to do so.  Now that you have experienced it, next time maybe you won't react as much.

bremery
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2011 at 7:40 PM
Mama bear is full force, but you must control it. Let DH handle this.
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ShannaBee
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 8:19 PM

Calm down and take a deep breath.

If there is a CO then it is unwise of BM to withold visitation. She cannot control this at all, try as she might. She cannot dictate to you that you cannot be in YOUR home on the weekends her child is there.

I understand your frustration and anger because BM has tried to get me kicked out of MY home once before.

jessiesluv
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 8:27 PM

 I just cant get over the fact that they are 3 years old and shes trying to say its your sons fault. that is insane!

Chelliza1028
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 8:55 PM
Thank you all so much... we have SD every weekend and if she thinks I'm going anywhere else on the weekends she's out of her flipping mind. She just called all apologetic blaming the whole thing on her mother. Dh just reminded her that they will be following the court order to a t from now on and she started crying that she can't control SD and she doesn't know why. I know why.. because she's 3. She behaves as a typical 3 year old and I know it can be frustrating and all that but you suck it up and parent. I have a three year old of my own.. but I don't go around blaming other children for the way my kid behaves.
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