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Maybe I'm just being selfish and paranoid...

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My hubby and I have been together for almost 4 years now. And though I love him dearly, when he has to pay child support-it never fails to irritate or upset me. Now, we are talking way more than a couple hundred dollars a month, into the pretty thousands is more like it. (hubby is a computer programmer)  We have talked about it, and he usually does a good job of giving her the check when I'm not around, because he knows it bothers me.

I know it's for the boys (he has 3) and that it can't be changed, but he pays her so much that she has enough left over to go on summer vacations, etc. to do landscaping on her 2 story house that sits on almost 2 acres, (while we struggle to get by). He also is STILL helping pay the mortgage on her house so that she is able to live there and have the boys grow up in a "nice" house. Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to afford to live there.

I just want to get to a place where it doesn't bother me. I have times where I'm fine and it doesn't phase me but then I have other days where it's hard.

I remember a year ago or maybe even more recent than that, we had the the oldest stepkid with us (he's 14 soon to be 15) And we were talking about highschool and going off to college and he had mentioned, " yeah when I graduate highschool dad won't have to pay mom as much..." He said it very casually, but also aware that while the money helps them live better, it has become a financial burden for us. 

I"m currently a stay at home, but I've been thinking very strongly about getting back into the workforce so that paying her child support isn't such a dent in our budget.

I'll even admit to a little bit of jealousy, in the sense that she gets the "nicer" things in life.

I don't know, I think I would better able to deal with it if he wasn't paying her so much. He came home from work one day and was mad, I had asked what was wrong and he had said he was talking to one of his co-workers who is divorced, has more kids than he does, and pays his ex half of what we pay now.

I have thought about going to see a counselor. I'm sure there are things that I'm not looking at correctly. But hey if it helps.

How have you coped? (maybe i'm just the weird and unusual kind. lol )

Advice, please. :)

by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 6:35 AM
Replies (11-20):
cruelella2to
by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

I know what you mean she has teh "nicer" things. i went thorugh this watching her have this and that and then i realized that if she were just any other woman with "nicer" things it wouldn't bother me. CS is to take care of his kids. if he didn't i would have NEVER gotten with him. I watched my sister strugle because she had 2 kids and got 49.00/ month for both of them. If cs is an issue for HIM he should have it evaluated. CS in dh's case dropped 600/month when bm tried to have it raised because they noted that neither child was of an age that they needed day care, hence no more daycare money. they never went to DC but the courts still awarded the just in case money. As for the house. that is HIS choice once again. he made the decision to pay the mortgage, its a bill to add in. maybe its alimony??? or you could think of it like that. and like another poster put having it taken directly out of the account not seeing the money jmakes it easier plus less money to be taxed on a pay check.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Oct. 21, 2011 at 8:47 AM
11 moms liked this
So you basically want him to support you and your child and ditch his other kids?

Nice. I wonder how you would feel if he ditched you and your daughter instead ? Would suck, right?

What do you mean you process things differently? Do you have a mental disorder? I don't get that statement.

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yesmaam
by Silver Member on Oct. 21, 2011 at 8:48 AM
3 moms liked this

 What I'm confused about is that CS can be CO'd up to 50% of BF pay if he has another family to support. So skids get 1/2, you get 1/2. How is she able to get the nicer things than you with the same amount of money? Maybe you should make different choices when you make purchases?

Mama_Mandy085
by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 8:57 AM
7 moms liked this

Im wondering if im the only one seeing what is bothering you in this post...you are saying that you dont mind that the KIDS get the money its just that the BM is the one who has the nice things that makes u a lil jealous right? i dont see where you say that you have issues with the kids having the money at all. and regardless of what other say there is a difference between ur dh supporting you to be a sahm. you are his wife. where as the bm is only the mother to his other children. (idk if that makes sense but i think there is a difference) i think that cs is something that is hard to fight so being mad about it altho i see can be understandable just makes u tired inside im sure. idk how the laws are there but every 3 years you can do a review on ur cs case here (michigan) and have it reevaluated for the cs. maybe you can do that and if he gets it taken out of his check it could get lowered a bit to where both parties are happy?


we pay cs for my sd for now til we get the joint custody settled incourt, but it comes right out of his check,. and our problem is that we wouldnt mind at all if it werent for the fact that my sd has come over in dirty too small clothes, her older boy cousins underwear and shoes and she was always so dirty. she was always telling us how their water was turned off and such. but the bm was clean in decent clothes with a fresh pack of cigarettes and an expensive phone. that is what got to us. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 21, 2011 at 8:57 AM


Quoting yesmaam:

 What I'm confused about is that CS can be CO'd up to 50% of BF pay if he has another family to support. So skids get 1/2, you get 1/2. How is she able to get the nicer things than you with the same amount of money? Maybe you should make different choices when you make purchases?


that's a good point. what percentage of his take-home pay is he paying in CS?

Almond_beauty
by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting chanizen:

So you basically want him to support you and your child and ditch his other kids?

Nice. I wonder how you would feel if he ditched you and your daughter instead ? Would suck, right?

What do you mean you process things differently? Do you have a mental disorder? I don't get that statement.




No. It's just been a long road that you know very little about.
And no, I wouldn't want that for myself or my daughter. I was just
simply stating that at times, it gets to me. Getting back into the workforce will most likely erase all this mess anyway. And as for the "disorder"-I simply meant people process things differently. There are many people out there that it doesn't bother, and others to an extent, it does. I just know that when she goes to Florida 2-4 times in a summer and leaves the kiddos with grandma, well that's not "for the kids".
Pero
by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 9:07 AM
3 moms liked this


Quoting Mama_Mandy085:

and regardless of what other say there is a difference between ur dh supporting you to be a sahm. you are his wife. where as the bm is only the mother to his other children. (idk if that makes sense but i think there is a difference) 

I don't think it makes sense. Being a SAHM isn't really for the mom, it's for the kids. Or are you trying to say the first litter of kids is less important and doesn't deserve the same level of care, just because daddy is no longer shagging their mom?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 21, 2011 at 9:11 AM

does BM have a job? Or is she living in this big house and taking vacay's to florida all on CS?

Mama_Mandy085
by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 9:14 AM
1 mom liked this

oh no i dont think that the first batch of kids are any less important. im saying that from a husbands stand point do u think he considers his ex bm and his wife on the same level?  idk how else to say it to make it make sense. if the money is going to the kids like its supposed to then cs shouldnt be a big deal. but in cases, like mine, our cs wasnt going to the child like it was supposed to because we constantly watched the bm spend it on herself and partying etc knowing she had no other money coming in so that was the only money she had and instead of spending it on bills and necessities she blew it on crap. so from my husbands POV he would rather support me being a sahm to raise our boys than have me go to work. where as the bm relied on the cs for her party life not for my sd. im just saying i believe there is a difference in our case at least. 

Quoting Pero:


Quoting Mama_Mandy085:

and regardless of what other say there is a difference between ur dh supporting you to be a sahm. you are his wife. where as the bm is only the mother to his other children. (idk if that makes sense but i think there is a difference) 

I don't think it makes sense. Being a SAHM isn't really for the mom, it's for the kids. Or are you trying to say the first litter of kids is less important and doesn't deserve the same level of care, just because daddy is no longer shagging their mom?


Almond_beauty
by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 9:18 AM
she's not working. She's in the process of finishing school to become a nurse practitioner.
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