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i cant stand my stepkid. =( i hate the mom and i cant seem to get over the fact that he's not her....help me

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hey step mommies!!!

  sooo im at my ropes end...i started dating this guy bout a yr and a half ago. fell in love so hard so fast. the first few times we hung out i knew he could be the one. wellllllll i thought i could live with the fact he has a kid. wheni met him his kid Maddox was about 6 months old. So whikle he was dealing with a new born just on the weekends, he was trying to juggle dating me. I would come over and hang out as much as possible but the baby was always stranger danger. So sometimes on the weekends I would hit the bars instead. Kinda crappy yes but i just turned 21 about a year ago. well the more serious we got and the older the kid is getting, some days its harder than ever. i thought things would get easier but they havent. a few months into the relationship i found out i had chlamydia. we went and got tested and i asked him if hes ever been tested and he said no....and then went ant told me that his babyMAMA was a fucking porn star!!! like he didnt know when she got pregnant that she was a porn star until two months later...i hate to say this but this girl reaks if slut.she has naked pics of herself on FB. she s disgusting. and back to the story well i got chlamydia from a porn star....i looked her up on the web and there are HUNDREDS of vidoes...it made me sick to my stomach....i watched one and cried and couldnt eat for a ling time. still dealing with her has been soooooooooooooo hard. i dont know what to do. should i meet the skanky ass bitch? ive tried in the past but thru FB but she just blocked me....youd think since her fucking kid spends time with ME, SHED WANT TO MEET ME. but no thats not the case. please someone...talk to me....

by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 11:19 AM
Replies (81-90):
pepper504
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2011 at 2:20 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting CaitElise:


Quote:pepper504

You have A LOT of thinking to do. I understand not liking the child because the child is an extension of BM and BM is doing God knows what to make her ex miserable and/or get him back and that affects you. You have to learn that the child is not an extension of BM. That will take time as you develop a relationship with said kid. If you fear that your BF is going to go back to BM (even after all that she has said/done) then apparently, you and your BF should not be together. You need not feel that you have to fight for a person. My ex cheated on me with now SM. When I busted the two of them, I walked away and never looked back. I'm not fighting for someone who does not want me nor thinks enough of me to stray from a relationship. I have a child with this guy.

When I got with DH, BM was still trying to get back with him. I had no clue about it and found out about it recently and we have been together for 7.5 years and married for 4.5 of those years. Needless to say, BM could text him and call him telling him whatever she thinks will get him back, he is not going anywhere. Get where I am going with that?


 so maybe i should just take a step back for a little bit and really firstly decide if i want to be more serious with him?the thing is is that i do i want to marry him. i want ot have a family with him. and i never think about with them...and i never have and it hard to think of it that way but i guess thats what im getting from my comments. hes a package deal...then a package deal with some real luggage...i will just need to figure out if hes worth it and if i can honestly be a SM. im getting really emotional now. i think i got what i needed.thank you


 

He has a lot of issues that he has to clean up first.  He has to get a court order (if there is not one already) established with regards to custody and child support (regardless of who has custody). 

You have to do some soul searching and if BF is "the one", then you will know.  It is a roller coaster ride of a different kind and you need to think about if that is what you want.  Being a SP is not an easy thing at all.  Being married to man who has a child with a person whom cannot be an adult is also hard as well.  You need to think about what exactly you are willing to put up with and what you are not.  

Hugs.


pepper504
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2011 at 2:22 PM


Quoting whatIknownow:


Quoting pepper504:


Does it really matter how many?  I do not have the time to sit down and count all of the BMs who dislike SM because she made the skid a sandwich for lunch because BD was watching a football game and she was overstepping boundaries SM moments.  It is what it is and it is on both sides.  Plain and simple.  

 


I've never read anyone post that. I don't think there is any comparison, between the BM-hate and the SM-hate. SM-bashing posts are few and far between. BM-bashing posts are common.

Again, whatever.  It happens as it goes both ways. :)

CaitElise
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 2:22 PM


 

Quote:whatiknownow

well... yeah she sounds immature. But... you can move past that. I could give you a list of things my skid's mother did to me. But I won't, because I've moved past it.

You just have to really want to move past it.



ok well i will just try to take it a day at a time. i never dreamed it could be so hard but it makes me feel better other girls are out there doing it.i needed the comments even if some of them hurt.haha thanks for talking!

jillyann0317
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 3:00 PM


Quoting CaitElise:

no i didnt mean i didnt WANT to hear what older ladies had to say!! i its just wehn girls my age say something i feel like they really get it. ya know? im not saying thats how it really is but it seems like they would get it more. but everyones comments have helped me. i prolly need to move on with my life and let this guy find someone who can be the greatest for him AND his kid

My dear, the girls your age seem to get it more because they are still in the same selfish maturity level you are (not downing that, everyone deserves they're careless irresponsible phase most definately!) Children want instant gratification, in some ways your an infant yourself, & ppl your age will agree w you more, I'm sure thats what you like. Grown ups are better to get advice from cuz they have more experience, they've seen the world from different angles than you have. They have been the maiden, the mother, & the crown. They've been wild, they've been nurturing, & they've been hurt or seen ppl they love be hurt by stupid mistakes. Remember that as a family unit, what you are saying you want to be part of, you have to consider everyone's feelings, including the babie's. When I agreed to be a step parent, I thought how great, now  these kids will feel more love than children with mommies & daddies that are still together, they will get love from 4 ppl now. You need more positive thinking, and dont let the toddler's "mine" thing discourage you. Its just something they do, to everyone, don't take it so personal. He's not being naughty. You're new & different to his norm. My twin nephews did that when they were 2. If you are serious about sticking around & making it work, I would consider taking some parenting classes & maybe get some books on the subjects at hand.

CaitElise
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 3:37 PM


 

Quote:jillyann0317

My dear, the girls your age seem to get it more because they are still in the same selfish maturity level you are (not downing that, everyone deserves they're careless irresponsible phase most definately!) Children want instant gratification, in some ways your an infant yourself, & ppl your age will agree w you more, I'm sure thats what you like. Grown ups are better to get advice from cuz they have more experience, they've seen the world from different angles than you have. They have been the maiden, the mother, & the crown. They've been wild, they've been nurturing, & they've been hurt or seen ppl they love be hurt by stupid mistakes. Remember that as a family unit, what you are saying you want to be part of, you have to consider everyone's feelings, including the babie's. When I agreed to be a step parent, I thought how great, now these kids will feel more love than children with mommies & daddies that are still together, they will get love from 4 ppl now. You need more positive thinking, and dont let the toddler's "mine" thing discourage you. Its just something they do, to everyone, don't take it so personal. He's not being naughty. You're new & different to his norm. My twin nephews did that when they were 2. If you are serious about sticking around & making it work, I would consider taking some parenting classes & maybe get some books on the subjects at hand.

i know im so selfish right now. i want this relationship to work so bad though. i hope i can understand someday (before i loose my bf) how maddox is a gift and that is gonna be super lucky to have 4 people loving him. im selfish cause i dont want his BM to have anythign to do with him. oorrrr for her to have full custody.i hate this in between stuff. seeing her every week...i wish i was a bigger person but i purely hate her. i think i will get some books though on parenting. i definately need some guidance. i love my dog more than i love this kid. and my bf prolly knows that and it does make me feel bad....
 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2011 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think you need to go live your life! Go move in with a group of girls....go out on the weekends....take trips.....have PROTECTED sex, lot's of it! Go to school.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2011 at 3:46 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting CaitElise:


 

i know im so selfish right now. i want this relationship to work so bad though. i hope i can understand someday (before i loose my bf) how maddox is a gift and that is gonna be super lucky to have 4 people loving him. im selfish cause i dont want his BM to have anythign to do with him. oorrrr for her to have full custody.i hate this in between stuff. seeing her every week...i wish i was a bigger person but i purely hate her. i think i will get some books though on parenting. i definately need some guidance. i love my dog more than i love this kid. and my bf prolly knows that and it does make me feel bad....
 


wow. I am actually glad you're able to type those words out because a lot of women feel that way but deny it. You want to cut BM out of this child's life so that you can enjoy this child without having to be reminded that she exists. We call that "coveting", and this is the signature:

Do you think that is creepy? That's what you sound like.

You don't need to love maddox. You just need to not interfer with his father or mother's parenting of  him. you need to accept that he has a father and a mother and they will both be a big part of his life. If you don't think you can get used to that, you should leave the relationship. But don't think that the solution would be your boyfriend getting custody. That won't change the fact that his ex will still be around. A lot. And when maddox starts talking and saying "my mom's cookies are better than these," what are you going to say? "WELL GUESS WHAT YOUR MOM HAS CHLAMYDIA, SO THERE."  Nope... you have to gracefully say "oh, I'm sure she makes wonderful cookies."

It's not for the faint of heart. It's only going to get much, much worse.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2011 at 3:48 PM

 Run youngin' RUN!

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2011 at 3:50 PM

I am 110% positive that someday you are going to remember back to when you used to be on some forums for help and advice, and all the bitches told you to run were big meany doodoo heads to you. YOU ARE GOING TO REMEBER ME SAYING THIS ONE DAY! SWEAR!

Ms.Gwen
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 3:56 PM
Exactly. Fucking dad does not make mom care about you. I know that's harsh but I want you to see the reality of your imagined dilemma. The real question is why do you want to meet her?! I honestly don't think you are ready to settle down just yet. That is not a bad thing!!! Enjoy your life. Have it your way! If that guy felt this was forever who wouldve been honest with you about his past... Maybe not right away, but he wouldve told you after a few months! I think if you add that to his now known past the truth of his intentions are obvious.... He just wants to have fun. You don't want to be his kids mom and he doesn't see you as potential mommy material. Now that you understand all this... Balls in your court, your move.


Quoting whatIknownow:

You didn't get chlamydia from a porn star. You got chlamydia from having unprotected sex with a man you didn't know all that well.


I don't see how she's any worse than you. Your poor choices led to both of you getting the same disease, the same way.


I don't see any reason why she would want to talk to you. Would you want to talk to someone who thinks you're a skanky ass bitch?


Also it doesnt' seem like you're all that interested in her child, so the fact that you are dating her ex isn't a good enough reason to get to know you, IMO.


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