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Heart Broken

Posted by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 9:36 AM
  • 7 Replies

badHi, my name is Karen, and I just joined your group.  I've been seeking help in an area I've never ventured into before with my step-daughter. 

A is a great young woman (she turned 18 this year).  I've known her all her life, as I've been friends with her dad for 20 years.  We got together 11 years ago and married almost 9.  A and her dad were always close, and the divorce was traumatic for all of them, but even through all that, A always wanted to be with dad even wanting to be with him more than her mom. 

 A graduated from high school then started community college in the same town we all live in, but she has since cut us completely out of her life.  She dosn't return text or phone messages with me and rarely with her dad.  She's came to see him once in 6 weeks, when she needed her oil changed.  When she was here, she never gave the first hint that anything was wrong, but still the behavior continues. 

 Everyone tells us she's just spreading her wings, geting to know who she is, she'll come back, but none of this is helping to ease the pain.  I don't know how to handle this.  I want to be a bridge to draw them and me closer again, but how?  Should I?  We're heart broken.

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 9:36 AM
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by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 10:15 AM

 Has dad tried to talk to her at all about it? Or what about just sending a text or giving a call letting her know that if she needs to talk or needs anything that you all will always be there no matter what time of day? Just to let her know you are thinking of her.

by Silver Member on Oct. 31, 2011 at 10:20 AM

Maybe try to schedule a "date" with her.  Ask her to dinner & then a movie @ your house.  She could bring a friend too.

It's tough but she's just being independent.  Right now it's about her & her social experiences.  Be there when she needs you and try to maintain contact but don't push too hard.  She'll come around when she settles down a bit.  6 weeks only seems like a long time because you're used to something else.

Good Luck & welcomE!

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 10:25 AM

the explanation of "spreading her wings" is a plausible one. My DS18 just went away to college and he never texts me unles I text him first and I get a one-word answer. I think it's typical for kids that age, in college, focused on their own social and school lives.

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 10:44 AM

I barely heard from my kids after they left for college. My one son in senior year of hs went on a 3 week  exchange program to spain.  I told him he HAD to send me a post card.  He actually did send me one. It said, "having fun. Love DS"

I think it is very normal for kids this age to want some separation from parents to figure out their own identity and autonomy.

And it's probably a positive thing she isn't calling you all the time.  She knows that you love her and will be there when she needs you. If you've raised her to have some independence that is a good thing. She will be back to forge a more adult relationship with you eventually.

by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 6:21 AM

Thanks, everyone.  I hope you're all right. 

by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:25 PM
I moved out of my parents house at 21... after college. I rarely talk to them... not for any reason other than I'm busy working busy with my son husband and step daughter...unjust busy. My mom knows that if she texts me I will respond but I don't have the time to have a 20 minute conversation half the time.. and the other half of the time.. I'm sleeping.
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by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:29 PM
I agree with PPs. When I got out on my own I got so caught up in finding myself as an adult I rarely saw my mom.
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