Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

MIL and Double Standards PIOG

Posted by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:23 PM
  • 11 Replies


so earlier this month i was writing about how my MIL tried to talk SD out of coming over to our house and out to eat with our friends.  Well she put the shoe on the other foot this weekend and DH didn't say anything!!!  My SD had her Halloween Costume at grandma's house and wanted to show us.  She put it on.  Then her grandma decided that she wanted to parade her around to all of her friends' houses.  She told SD to get ready to go and SD said she didn't want to go.  Grandma made her go.  So why is it that MIL tries to talk SD out of doing things with us saying she doesn't want to "force" her to go and then turns around and forces her to do what she wants her to do? 

I am getting sick of MIL parenting my DH's child yet he doesn't see what I see.  How do I present this to him so he can try and see things from a different POV??

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:24 PM

 Apparently your dh is trying to "keep the peace". If he really wants sd to do things with you, then he needs to stand up to MIL. Who has custody?

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:28 PM
I asked him in the car if the court granted her custody or him. he said it was just given to him. I don't know how to handle that she won't let him step up to the plate. Where there is a will, there is a way and right now I don't think that DH has the will to stand up to his mom.
by Silver Member on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:34 PM

I have a MIL who also likes to parent SD and my DH didn't stand up to her for a long time... Actually took us being out of college (just over a year now) and not having to rely on her so much for him to see what was going on. Plus I talked to him when neither of us were angry.  I would write it down and wait to calm down before talking to him.

Good Luck!

he has to be the one to cut the umbilical cord, though!

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:36 PM

Well if dh choses not to see , its his issue.


Owner of the cafemom group
Parenting a child with Behavioral disorders by adoption or step parenting

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:41 PM

I had this problem in the beginning.  Now MIL steps back and allows me to make decisions concerning my SS.  Once I had my kids with her son, she had to let go of her "parenting" b/c I was the parent.  She still oversteps her boundaries at times- usually feeding them junk in my home before dinner.  I don't choose to make an issue of that.  It's only 2Xs a mo.

The MIL probably (rightly) feels that since she is a blood relation she should have more say than you.  If it doesn't bother DH- then try to let it go.  It might get better over time?  Maybe he doesn't want to parent- or doesn't want to go against his mom.  Presenting this from a diff. perspective may be bringing in a 3rd uninvolved person to be like a mediator for the two of you.  Like a counselor, pastor, etc.

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:47 PM

 Why is grandma doing any parenting at all? Does she have custody?

by Hi, my name is... on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:57 PM

 I am glad my mom doesnt do this.My mil doesnt overstep.But what I find dh gets annoyed at is her lack of gma duties.Mil hardly picks up kids and takes them anywhere.I think kids are blessing to be around. mil gets us together for the major holidays,then complains all darn dayHow hard it was for her to do all of this" and that I should do this next year.She's "tired of it!"lol! my dh gets so fired up(it as potluck style,she made the main dishes and offered up her home) when we do go over, she will( shes not really mean about it)yell at kids to not make a mess, or dont touch this or that!lol.

It kinda makes you not want to go over..Our kids are pretty displined on manners.So its funny to see her have 6 kids there in totall and still have a bitvh

Hopefully yours gets better..that would drive me crazy.But just think,u can have mine and she wont lift a finger?lol.Idk which one I would pick!lol!   

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 2:57 PM

 gandma does not have custody, DH does.  However, when SD is up here (because the custody order is still new) SD stays at grandma's house which I am hoping to change in time.  I am not trying to Parent SD because she is not mine to parent.  The thing I do have a problem with, is seeing DH's mom undermind him when he tries to step up to the plate and then turn around and tell me that DH needs to step up to the plate.  She is such a hypocrit!  Every time he steps up to the plate, she shits all over him and then critisizes him for not trying to be a father.  I hope it gets better with time and better when SD stays with US and OUR home and WE are the ones that are around her, not MIL.

by on Oct. 31, 2011 at 9:20 PM
1 mom liked this

 Sounds like dh needs to take sd home and tell MIL to mind her own business and let him parent. But if he wont, you'll be seeing this for a long time.

by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:36 PM

We have delt with this for years and even though we moved to another state, it is still happening. MIL feels that DH should be easy on SD, because of things she went through with BM. MIL has overstepped so many times, we have been unable to punish SD because MIL gulits DH. I have tried talking DH into not letting MIL what is going on with SD punishments but MIL got SD a cell phone, WITHOUT aksing DH. I feel that I can not parent SD because she may go back and complain about what I am doing to my MIL or her BM. DH is slowly pulling away from his mom and you would think that by us moving it would be harder for her to meddle.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)