My youngest SD told us a while back ago she really doesn't want to go to BM's for visitation anymore. Our OSD just announced when BM missed the last visitation, she doesn't want to go all the time just every once ina while. I would love to respect their wishes but that would mean another trip to court. The biggest problem is, my oldest would be able to get what she wishes because, in the eyes of our courts, she is old enough to decide how often she goes for visitation but the youngest in not old enough. We would hate for them to be split in that manner and we also do not want to send the youngest by herself. Is this something we should pursue now, or wait wait the little over 2 yrs we have before the youngest is old enough? BM does not come for all her visitation, in fact in October saw them for 1 overnight (which she brought them home 5 hours early) and a 3 hour period another day. I'm so torn. Ever since BM has returned, I have encouraged that relationship (and I will be honest, it has pained me at times because I have raised the little one from a yr as my own) but I know that relationship isn't always best for the kids. Ugh, I'm so torn!
I completelt agree about encouraging that relationship, even though BM has tried to damage the relatioship I have with them. The oldest knows she is old enough to choose how often she sees BM thanks to BM. BM told her for months, at your next birthday, you can come see me as often as you want, that DH and I can't stop it. Which now, months after that birthday, SD is remembering that and wants to use that as an excuse not to go. When YSD said something a while back, I told her she needed to go because it was important that she does and that I understood why she didn't but the right thing to do. (The situation at BM's is not good at all, in fact after receiving advice here, we have turned over some incidents to CPS because of the LO that lives there full time that endangers the LO) I want to encourage that relatioship but at times wonder how healthy that relatioship is for the children and if its in their best interest. KWIM?
If you are court ordered to send them, then send them. If BM would like to let them skip their visits, that's her call. From your end you have to send them.
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
By giving kids the choice you make them responsible for the outcome of the decision. In time SD could feel guilty about breaking off the relationship with her mother, especially if her mother acts like a child about it. I think it's best to blame the judge that put tge visitation in place. Just tell the skids "it's the law cause it's in the CO", atleast until they're both old enough to decide... At that point let them. Then if BM takes you to court about it she will be wasting her time.
Exactly. I don't beleive in giving kids (13 years old I assume?) to choose what they do in this regard- it gives them too much power. Kids have parents for a reason. Tell the kids they need to go and if BM decides to skip out then so be it.
WOW!!! I think everyone here needs to know more about what's going on at BM's house.....
I say this cause my mom and father divorced when I was 9. BF was beyond abusive. Like this BM did not get me on regular visits...which thrilled me, but ultimately when he wanted me I had to go. Which I'm sure a phsycologist would say fu**ed me up...Soooo I think if you want sound advice from everyone maybe you could give us a little more info on BM.
Follow the CO. If BM skips the visits, so be it. Keep a journal of missed visits or early returns. This protects you.
Meanwhile, find out from SDs why it is they no longer wish to see their mom. If there is abuse (physical, emotional, psychological) taking place, then get them with a counselor. That way the girls' concerns and details of the situation will be documented via 3rd party and available if/when another trip to court occurs. If they're simply not interested in BM and not bonded, that's different. They'll just have to accept that she is their mother, and she has the right to see her children.
Who pays the sitter?
Serious Venting....... (sorry so long)
- rebeccasmly
on Nov. 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM