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DH ex again at another family function?? How to deal with it?? Help

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My dh and I have been married little over 7 yrs. His ex and her current spouse and child from this marriage attend all his family functions.Weddings, showers and birthday parties. I really never thought when we got married that this would happen. Does this happen more than I think. I talk to other friends and family of my own and it seems to really blow their minds????  I just am over it. I can't help but to think it is just to irritate us. The wedding is 3 hrs away from our home town and they are still going. Get frustrated at his family as well.. Is it really necessary to invite exs to family events. I mean if you want a relationship have lunch or somethg. dh has a 11 and 14 yr old from this marriage and family say they do this for them..dont want them to think they arent accepting still of their mom. My dh isnt invited to her family events. I wonder if this is going to make my skids think something bad wrong with us but mom so special??? Help me

by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 9:01 AM
Replies (11-18):
bremery
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:13 PM

 I understand the frustration. Have you asked your DH to speak with his family about it? How does he feel about his ex showing up to family functions? I would think it would bother him more than anything.

I just think out of respect for your family that is divorced and their new wife/husband, they shouldn't invite ex's.

ShannaBee
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:33 PM
BM does not come to DH's family events. No one in his family liked her. In your case, if BM has a healthy relationship with her ex inlaws I think it is a good thing to have such positiveness for the kids.
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afwifeandmommy3
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:37 PM
Dh ex and ss Bm come to all kinds of family events at my parents home. It is what it is. It's what's best for dss . I just go about my day
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shiloh39
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 1:59 PM

dh has spoke with his family. They just respond that it's for the kids and they have nothing against her. He really hates her being at these events as he feels it just makes people feel uncomfortable and kids never seem to know who they need to sit with as we DO NOT sit together althoug there has never been any kind of confrontation.

Angelknot8
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:04 PM

I can see two sides of this. 1 where if bm is a constant problem , you being upset.  or 2 if you get along whats the big deal?  It all depends on the situation. I also DO have to disagree with it not being to piss you off it very much can be about that. Perfect example. Bm use to talk to adopted sons bm all the time buddy buddy, making things up back and forth, I adopted ss bm doesnt speak to adopted ds;s bm anymore. She can't stand her now ect. Then theres my exh we get along perfectly fine he took the kids to my moms trick or treating monday. No issues. Normal people theres issues but some people (bm,bf,sm,sf) anyone can be trouble.

  


 
Owner of the cafemom group
Parenting a child with Behavioral disorders by adoption or step parenting  http://www.cafemom.com/group/115157

LemonZest
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:16 PM

 

Quoting shiloh39:

She is still referred to as "aunt..."    I guess I struggle with where I fit in. My dh and I have been married even longer than they were.  I think it could be confusing for my children to hear people refer to her as aunt and wonder if they are going to think she is their aunt....so i suppose she comes as continued family which I think is most disturbing of all. She always has to act more important and always know more info & history of family events than me which I is most irritating


You can explain to your kids that she's "Mrs. Smith" and not an aunt.  I frankly think the titles should go away... just like if you were to divorce your DH, you would no longer to claim yourself as SM to his kids even if you'd grown really close.  Anyway, that's all up to them.  It's not really something that you can influence, nor it is productive to dwell on.  But I understand the frustration and confusion when the ex continues play family, and the family allows it.

My DH has fussed at his mother about keeping pictures of BM everywhere, and she made us a family history album at Christmas loaded with photos of BM.  When DH asked why she included them, the argument was that BM is family.  He promptly responded, "Not my family," and began taking out the photos, which he handed back to my MIL.  To say it was awkward sitting in between them, smack in the center of that conversation, is an understatement.

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:23 PM

hmm I think it is actually more common with families that were together for a long time.   We just had my middle son's b-day and my "aunt" Leigh was there.  She hasn't been married to my Uncle for 20 some years but she will always be my aunt Leigh.  

My DH's dad is still invited to all his Mom's families stuff.  It was probably harder on his new wife than anyone else but they still consider him family.  

I don't think they will think BM is special they will just see adults getting along with each other. 

blossom413
by on Nov. 2, 2011 at 2:30 PM

When I first got married this happened alot. It was always very awkward being around her while I was trying to get to know his family. She would eavesdrop on my conversations and then just butt in, drove me insane. DH's aunt is a photographer and I asked her to take family pics. She gave bm a call to make sure she knew what time to be there. It was a complete slap in the face. I told them that she was not a part of MY family and I certainly wasn't going to be putting any pics of her around my house. After that dh talked to his family and that was the last time she was invited without asking us how we felt first.

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