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On year 2 of this..

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:55 AM
  • 7 Replies
I love my step children. They are both amazing babies, 3&4. When they are with us they are well behaved, well mannered, very loving kids.. But when they are with their mother they are terrible kids, have no manners, and hate us.. We are fighting for custody and sometimes we feel like if we win, which we should, they are going to resent us when they get older because with us they have to go to school, have to have manners, have rules to follow, and they have freedom to do whatever they want with their mom. We can't even get them to talk to us without hearing them scream "NO!" in the background or spit at the phone.. I joined this group because I too am a step mom, but I am having such a hard time with being one, I avoid this group.. I feel like throwing my hands up sometimes but love them too much to ever give up on them. I potty trainer our daughter in two months when her mom couldn't do it in 3 years. I tought them both how to speak clearly when their mother couldn't in 3 & 4 years.. And all of the manners my husband and I tought them, all the progress they made with us in two months is completely gone because of their mother.. She doesn't even play with them! They are constantly in and out of the ER and she won't tell us why! What do I do?
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:55 AM
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:16 AM
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You seem to have no problems with the kids at your household, they don't seem to affect your dynamics ... so why are you bothered how they function in BM's household? Let her do it her way, and you and your DH do it your way.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:15 PM
Fight for them. They are kids and I agree if they are behaved and good kids at your house then you are doing something right. If they act like that at BMs it could be her persuading them to not talk to you guys. Fight for them and they will appreciate it later. The judge we go to says that when you fight for your kids regardless if they throw a fit, You're saying that you want them and you love them. If you don't fight for them they might take it as the opposite. Kids like structure and rules.
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 2:07 PM
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Keep a journal of it all, and keep fighting.  Meanwhile, forget about what happens at BM's house.  It's not your concern.

It used to embarrass me to see the way the kids, especially SS, acted toward their mother. I really hoped that what DH and I taught them at home would translate to how they treated other adults, including BM. Well, BM is not another adult - She's mama. They have a lot more liberty with her, and they know it. However, they are well-behaved toward other adults, and except for not wanting to do chores, having chores and rules has never been a negative factor.... even with BM labeling us "mean" and emphasizing that she wants her babies to have fun.  Love, stability, and positive attention go a long way.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:06 PM
She isn't my concern at all, but the way my husband feels because of this is my concern. I tell him it isn't us and that they are too young to understand, but it still breaks his heart.... It just do hard
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:10 PM

 my step daughter is good at hour house and then when her mom or her moms bf comes to get her she is very bad and is very bad at there house. but it is her fault bc she doesnt make her mind like we do. and then she wants to gripe bc her child treats her bad when she treats us very good at our house and listnes to us and doesnt make a fuss... unless it is nap time or bed time lol but then she usually is still good

by Silver Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:16 PM

I think there is a chance they will resent you for a time after the two of you get them, but in the long run it will be so much more beneficial to them that I believe they will come around.  I know its stressful with the kids acting different everytime you get them. Trust me I get it...just try to hang in there and know getting them babies will be the best thing for them even if they go through a 'resentment period'.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:18 PM

I think you should fight for them.  

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