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make way for the new step mom!

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:32 PM
  • 13 Replies

I'm gearing up to be a step mother to the 4 year old equivalent of Dr, Jekyll and Mr Hyde. She can be sweet as pie, eager to please, mind her manners and play well with others.... Or all hell can break loose and its "NO!!!" to everything (accompanied by a smile that says 'screw you!"), no sharing, screaming, throwing things and purposefully doing things to try to get under your skin. I'm new to the step mother part of life, but have a lot of experience with kids through my nieces, god son and the kids I treat at work. 

DH feels badly about seeing her infrequently and often lets the tantrums slide. We differ on where to draw the line and how rules should be enforced at home. If I say no to jumping on the bed and she cries or tantrums, I make sure she is in a safe place and wont be hurt if she starts to flail, but I ignore the behavior. However, as soon as we have a tear or a lip quiver - DH runs to her and dries her tears... and all of a sudden I'm the step monster. 

I'm in for an adventure and am SOOO thankful you ladies are out there for words of wisdom and support. Thank you for the support so far :o) 

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pristine729
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:04 PM
That's kinda how I'm feeling
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SarahLynn0315
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Well, she's four. She's going to make you wanna pull your hair out sometimes.

Other than that, go to another room. She is his daughter. If he'd rather raise a brat than listen to reasoning, let him be the one to deal with it.
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packermomof2
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:58 PM

She's four... four years olds do that sort of thing...

 

ShannaBee
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:10 PM
Same thing with my SS. I cannot keep up with his mood swings.
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whatIknownow
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 7:45 AM

Her behavior is typical for a 4yo but you might want to suggest to DH that he read some parenting books or websites so he can deal with these behaviors more appropriatedly.

702Runnerd
by Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:22 AM

The behavior is typical for that age, but if you and DH are not agreeing on parenting now, you've got a long road ahead of you. I hope that you and DH can get on same page and come to a compromise or you should just disengage from the parenting all together, save yourself the heartache!! Sorry.

Ms.Gwen
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this
With my 4yo SD (with RAD) we isolate her for this behavior and quickly follow that with affection as soon as it stops. After that we discuss "using your words". We also give her coins for "using her words" which add up to video game time on her mobigo. So far it's been pretty effective.
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KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:27 AM
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Isn't it funny how typical kid behavior can seem soooo much worse when it's someone else's kid vs your own kid?  It doesn't sound like Dad is doing anything wrong.  It's just harder dealing with someone else's kid. 

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:49 AM
its prob harder bc its his kid.its just diff.of course.When my skid12 listens to every convo and tattle tales I get urghhh!lol.

If it were my own,that would be disrepectful and would tell'ears' to get out of adult convos.lol

u have a long road ahead if u guys disagree now..Thats normal behavoir for a 4 yo.but thats not your prob.dh should put her in time out if its out of hand or can hurt her.

I get like that also,when I tell my dh(he handles ALL behaviors w sons) that skid did something inapporpriate..sometimes he lets it slide which makes me mad bc it will help skid in long run.(like breaking the basketball system yesterday)

but its his kid.I can suggest or tattle tale.that skid did it and then its up to dh to decide.
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MommyHam
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:54 AM
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I have a 4 yo SD as well, which acts basically the same.  SO has gotten better at overlooking the tantrums, but when I was new around he did the same thing. It had to do with his guilt of her not being around as much, but I made him realize that is not helping her and there are other things we can let her do other than get away with murder. Now if only I can convince him to get her out of our bed :S

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