Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why Do You Hate The Stepmom?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:29 PM
  • 216 Replies

Just curious... This popped up in other posts about BM saying they hate, despise, can't stand, have a general dislike for Stepmom.  


BM's - Why do you dislike your kids Stepmom? 


I think it is important for other SM's to see your reasoning because I know from reading a few BM posts about SM's and why they are mad.. it did give me some insight to my own behavior.  



by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:29 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:40 PM
I don't hate or even dislike my DDs SM. I probably hated her at first in her position as OW, but that is long gone.

I think SM and I would be friends if she wasn't involved with BF.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
maybaby22
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:44 PM
Who said they hate SM?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
notthebio
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:56 PM

I have seen a few replys to post about hating SM... Not calling people out by name.  

Quoting maybaby22:

Who said they hate SM?


JacyB
by Bronze Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:04 AM
3 moms liked this

Generally the reason any person dislikes any other person is related to the other person's actions both percieved and real. There really isnt a one-stop answer to this. 

Perhaps person A hates person B because B is a boundry stomping self centered bitch.

or maybe person A hates person B because she didnt like how she parked her car once.

There are a variety of reasons , some sane (SM thinking she has somehow magically gained a vote on SKs and that her vote should trump moms) and some not so much (SM doesnt want to get crazed emails from BM) 

Some people( on both sides of the fence) just suck 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:05 AM
6 moms liked this
I'm sure there are plenty of posters that hate their particular SM. I doubt anyone hates SMs in general.

I can think of plenty of reasons why I could "hate on" SM. I have read plenty of horror stories. But the SM in my life did nothing except fuck my husband to invoke dislike.

So, the only advice I could give to potential SMs regarding avoiding BM hate is to not fuck her husband...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Sweetmom8
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Every situation is different. I'm both a SM and a BM. In some cases BM would have dislike for SM because maybe SM entered the picture during there marriage. In my case BM left my SO for another man. When we began dating she couldn't stand the fact that he moved on and that another woman was now in his life and the SKids lives. One more reason I've seen is that SM becomes controlling and intrusive involving herself with DH and Skids relationship. These are just some of the reasons I've heard about from a BM point of view.
AmandaM145
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 3:42 AM
1 mom liked this
BMs should be grateful SM isn't a drug addict freak. There is no reason for BM to hate SM unless there was something personal. I for one was not involved with DH until way after their relationship was over, but I get treated as a home wrecker. If BM chose to leave BF then she needs to stick with it and get over it.
Pero
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 4:28 AM

I'd like to read that post ...

I don't hate SM, and I don't think I ever said that ... not even in the early stages. But, after 5 years, I'm still trying to see what purpose she actually serves, what positives she has ever contributed. Not that I expect strangers (which is what I consider her) to contribute ... but with all that jumping up and down that she wants "respect" from me (bit strong coming from the OW), I'm confused as to what she wants respect for. Bonking my ex? I guess she'd have to put her name on a long list then, given his track record.

LizzieJane
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 4:35 AM
3 moms liked this

 I have agonized over this question for far too long. In my case, I was introduced to my DH by a mutual friend several months after he and BM had divorced. And yet I've been called a homewrecking whore, and worse by BM. She has slandered me to anyone and everyone she comes in contact with, and it has caused me a great deal of distress because I truly am innocent. I never would have even given my phone number to DH if his divorce wasn't final.

I've always been polite to BM, I've even gone out of my way on many ocassions to be downright kind to her. Even when she was in my face screaming, I have never so much as raised my voice or used a curse word directed at her. I've never even engaged in an argument with her. I've always just walked away. I've been kind and generous to my stepdaughters right from the start, and now I love them with all my heart. Everyone, my DH included tells me that I've made him a better father than he was before.

So given all that, I've really struggled to understand WHY BM hates me so very much. I disengaged from her a while ago, because her treatment/harrassment of me was abusive. But I still find myself staying up at night wondering WHY. I long for us to be able to get along, because I know that it would make my stepdaughters so happy. They love their mother, and they love me. And I can see that it hurts them that BM and I can't be at the same place at the same time. Not to mention how confusing it must be for them to hear her badmouth me. I would be willing to forgive her for all the terrible things she's done (and the list is LONG) if she would just be willing to treat me with civility and respect. But I don't think that will ever come to pass.... :-(

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 6:02 AM

Weird post. Considering the content of almost every post made in this forum. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)