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Question for a BM...

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:42 PM
  • 18 Replies
I'm curious, our BM never called her daughter. I actually brought it up to dh,and he suggested to BM that she call on a regular basis. They agreed on every other day basically except for weekends. (She gets her eowe ) and half the time she doesn't even call! (Like tonight )

My question is this, as a BM, how often do you call your child? I want to know what other mom's do. If I werent with my own child full time I'd be calling everyday most likely. I can't imagine not talking to him daily but maybe that's not realistic.

She is just so inconsistent and sd is now at an age where she knows the days bm is supposed to call and when she doesn't.
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chanizen
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:05 AM
With dd I call daily or every other day She is with bf eowe.

With ss, bm usually does not talk with him on the week he is with us. We have him every other week
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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:07 AM
I call DDs every day. BF usually calls DDs every day.

DH speaks to SSs about every other day. BM rarely calls them when they are here.
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JacyB
by Bronze Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:11 AM

I don't think its necesarily cut and dry as to a good amount of time. 

There are so many factors: age of the child, how often NCP sees child, relationship with child.

Maybe its hard for her to talk to SD knowing she doesnt get to see her that often, maybe she doesnt want to intrude on your time because she doesnt want you intruding on hers. 

Prayin4Serenity
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:12 AM
I just don't understand how bm doesn't call very regularly. She goes real strong one week, and then goes a couple weeks calling once or twice. She always has a great excuse but sd is older now and knows when she doesn't call. Bm doesn't think she knows. She still treats her as if she's 3. I've caught her in lies before. Saying she was in bed and couldn't call, then on Facebook she's out drinking. LOL. She just must think were dumb. It's sad for sd, but I kinda like the peace and quiet when she doesn't call. :)
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Prayin4Serenity
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:19 AM
I don't really think bm cares about intruding on our time. She's with us for the majority. Bm is just super flaky. Every couple of months she says sd should live with her and that she needs her mother but then she drops it and isn't consistent with her visitation or calls. She cares too much about her social life and sd fits in when it's convenient. When sd is with her for 3 weeks during the summer she never answers her phone when dh calls to talk to sd. We are very good about it and we make sure sd talks to her. Bm would prefer it if we didn't call but could care less about intruding on our time. I was just wondering if other bm's thought the phone calls were important.

Quoting JacyB:

I don't think its necesarily cut and dry as to a good amount of time. 

There are so many factors: age of the child, how often NCP sees child, relationship with child.

Maybe its hard for her to talk to SD knowing she doesnt get to see her that often, maybe she doesnt want to intrude on your time because she doesnt want you intruding on hers. 

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5monkeysplus1
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:23 AM
I don't call my dd's every day or every other day. We talk when they want to. When my middle dd first moved to dads she called about every other day. As she's gotten older, its been less & I'm fine w/ that. I think every day is excessive, unless that's what the kid wants. But thats what works for my house.
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Devtanbay3
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 3:23 AM
My DD-12 goes to her BD's EOWE & 1 night a week when he is in town. I text her a simple "Goodnight babygirl, I love you" and during the week I text her to tell her to have a good day at school. She doesn't see her BD much so I let them be unless of course it's an emergency.
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Pero
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 4:31 AM

It really depends on the age and situation. When she was younger (about 6-9) I would have liked to talk to her daily or at least every other day. Didn't happen because BF didn't follow the CO.

When she turned about 9, it was clear she was less interested in talking (as in simply chit-chatting) ... she called me when she needed something, and I did the same.

Only recently, when things turned so bad at her BF's house, she started calling me more often ... almost too often.

Micole1084
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 7:08 AM
I call my DD every other day but sometimes they are busy so I won't get to talk to her and I'll have to get on him a lil bit. When I have her all week BF calls once or twice I have to remind him that he should call more but he is forgetful. Either way it works fine for us though.
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whatIknownow
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 7:31 AM
1 mom liked this

When my biokids used to go to their Dad's EOWE I never called them. There was one summer he had them for a whole week, and I don't think I called them at all during that time. I dont think everyone feels like they have to speak to their kids every day or even every few days. It's an individual thing. I knew my kids were coming home at the end of the week, I was fine not talking to them.

I think your DH's suggestion to BM about calling on a regular basis was not a good one, because it set SD up for disappointment. They should go back to BM just calling when she feels like it, and of course letting SD know she can call her mother whenever she wants to.

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