Is it just me or do courts go easier on BM regarding CS than BFs? And what does it seem BMs feel like they shouldn't pay CS though they expect BF to?
(Dislaimer: I'm frustrated and irritated at the moment.)
When BM and DH first divorced, she got custody by default, and he was order to pay CS. The calculated amount was huge because he makes a good salary, and she wasn't working. Almost 2 years and 3 attorneys later, he had the evidence needed to win custody. Long story short, the kids were almost never with BM but were dumped on BM's parents, DH's parents, and DH so that she could party. In between boyfriends, BM was lived with her mom, so she did see the kids regularly. She contributed nothing, however, having effectively snorted every penny of CS up her nose. There's a fraud case in all this, but that's a topic for another day.
When DH got custody, BM was in rehab. Her CS was set at $100. A few months later, she got a decent job and has made just shy of $40k/yr for the past couple years. BM knows that DH has filed for a review, which will likely quadruple her CS. And she. is. PISSED!
That's the part that I find irritating. She is blowing up emails and phones whining about how she's just now on her feet, and he's mean to do this to her. Her support should have increased when she started working, so she has no grounds to complain on there. But she writes to DH, "You and Lisbeth make more money than I'll ever see. You're just greedy and trying to increase your income more. You don't deserve my money!" I find it interesting she mentions my income but neglects to consider her fiancee's income... and that she conveniently forgets CS goes to the kids, not us. But whatever.
I'm just in a grumbling mood today.
When DH got custody of SS's we heard her lawyer tell her he is asking for CS. She rolled her eyes and said of course he is, he is only about the money.
She tried to fight it saying that Mothers don't pay CS. Well, when Mothers are the NCP they do pay it.
Your BM will just have to suck it up.
No the courts favor the person that makes less money. Generally, the man makes more, so it looks like they get the pole most the time. In my case, I'm the bread winner and so my X is lucky. He only has to pay $200 a month because I make so much more than he does. If the tables were turned and he had custody (would never happen as long as I'm alive) I would be paying around $1000 a month. Sound fair? No not really, but it's all based on a formula and the one that makes less wins.
ame4c
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
I read online that 30% of men don't pay CS or owe back pay CS while a staggering 80% of women don't pay or owe!!! How sad is that! In my lifetime I've heard thousands of people complain about deadbeat dads but never heard anything about a deadbeat mom till I found CM. Do these women think that their work is done once the pregnancy is over or somthing?!
We have a dead beat mom, but really it would be more painful to go after her and cost more than it's worth to get her to step up. I know it's crazy, but that's how it is. She doesn't work and lives off PA anyway. She has no intentions of ever working. Shoot just so we know skid is fed while he stays with her, we buy her groceries. This only happens about once a year so we would rather buy the groceries and allow skid to see mom for a brief time than stir the pot. It's pretty nutty.
ame4c
Quoting ame4c:
No not really, but it's all based on a formula and the one that makes less wins.
The court doesn't always follow formula depending on circumstances. The CS BM pays now was arbitrarily set. A review may force her to pay according to the standard calculation, which is why she's so angry.
We have court coming up for modification of custody, and i guarantee you BM isn't going to pay us a dime when SD comes to live with DH. DH even told BM he will pay her child support for the rest of his life if she will let SD live with us because we provide a more stable environment. She said no, of course, so she can use the kid as a weapon to get what she wants.
I'm sorry mama. I agree, i think it's bullshit. Just because she has a vagina doesn't excuse her from abiding by the law.
I can scan court papers from 10yrs ago. where the judge took away all visitation from BM, even supervised. In the last paragraph.. Will not be ordering child support at this time. Makes me sick!
I believe that in some cases its about who makes less. But I know of a few where that wasn't the case, one being my nephew. When him and his wife divorced they got 50/50 custody. She was a nurse and made more then him ( a tree logger) he was made to pay cs even though he made less and had the children exactly equal. From all cases I know of personally the courts do let bm's that don't have custody slide on cs.
Quoting ame4c:
No the courts favor the person that makes less money. Generally, the man makes more, so it looks like they get the pole most the time. In my case, I'm the bread winner and so my X is lucky. He only has to pay $200 a month because I make so much more than he does. If the tables were turned and he had custody (would never happen as long as I'm alive) I would be paying around $1000 a month. Sound fair? No not really, but it's all based on a formula and the one that makes less wins.
Owner of the cafemom group
Parenting a child with Behavioral disorders by adoption or step parenting http://www.cafemom.com/group/115157
Quoting Angelknot8:
I believe that in some cases its about who makes less. But I know of a few where that wasn't the case, one being my nephew. When him and his wife divorced they got 50/50 custody. She was a nurse and made more then him ( a tree logger) he was made to pay cs even though he made less and had the children exactly equal. From all cases I know of personally the courts do let bm's that don't have custody slide on cs.
I do think they are easier on mom's that dads. My X's new wife only pays $40 a month. How do I know? Because when bitching about his own $200 a month he said, "Well XXXX, only pays $40 a month". He thinks he's so abused having to pay $200.... UGH... My SO pays over $1000 for one child a month. It's pathetic. I get so sick of hearing him bitch and moan about not having any money. I just won't take it. I always say, "You chose to leave and you need to take care of your responsiblities too."
It's the same with custody. The courts tend to favor the mom's. It's getting better in some places, but still the majority is to give mom primary custody unless you can prove her unfit.
ame4c
Who pays the sitter?
- LemonZest
on Nov. 16, 2011 at 10:51 AM