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Mistress turned step mom....

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:27 PM
  • 226 Replies

I hate to even say for I know how I'm viewed, I am know the back lash I will get. I fell in love with a married man, we have both left our spouses, and will be eventually integrating our new partners into our children's lives. Both my husband and my boyfriend's wife used the tactic of telling the kids everything about the affair and divorce and understandably there is alot of animosity there. I do not want to step on toes, and don't want to be their Mother, as they have one, but I do want them to know that I care and I am a good, decent person, and I will care for them as I will my own when they are with me. Their mother has told the children that I'm evil, wicked and a whore. I want to re-assure the ex-wife who hates me and these kids. My question is, is it hopeless????

What we did was not the right way to go about it, but above all else its about the kids and going about this the right way is very important.....help!

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:27 PM
Replies (1-10):
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:30 PM
10 moms liked this
Oh dear sweet baby Jesus in the manger....

BM may in time come to a point where she doesn't hate you; but right now keep your distance. If you are in her face, even with good intent, it will end badly.
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QueenBof6
by Silver Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:37 PM
1 mom liked this
What a train wreck

I would leave the whole mess alone right now. Let the dust settle and what not. Continue to work on your relationship and building your future and blending your families.
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LeslieRoss
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:37 PM

I absolutely am nowhere near her as I know she has been deeply hurt and is very angry. I have no plans to do it without some kind of counseling for sure! Its just such a  bad, bad situation. You hardly ever hear of these situations that actually work, but ours has withstood. I just want to be certain that I handle this the best way possible.


jessiesluv
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this

 I know this is serious, but your first sentence made me LOL..

OP, keep your distance. You need to go ahead and set up counseling for yourself and kids immediately. Dad needs to talk to his kids and you need to talk to yours then maybe a family meeting.

How old are the kids?

Quoting LyndaLoo78:

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus in the manger....

BM may in time come to a point where she doesn't hate you; but right now keep your distance. If you are in her face, even with good intent, it will end badly.

 

8sEnuff
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:28 PM
2 moms liked this

I wouldn't say it is hopeless, but I wouldn't say it will be easy either.  Obviously there is a lot of anger, you'd be angry too if the situation were reversed.  I think it is something that will take some time and a lot of patience.  I think maybe both of you should have thought about your kids and spouses before you put yourself in this situation, but hind sight is 20/20.  That being said (and I'm sure you have already beat yourself up enough) don't expect things to go smoothly from the get go.  Blending families is an ongoing process, it does not happen without a lot of work,  love, understanding, and patience. And that is under normal circumstances.  You stated that you know the way you went about things was wrong  and the kids probably feel the same way.  You are going to have to except the anger and confusion as part of the process.  Given time it should become easier to forgive the way it happened and move toward a better future for all of you.  

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:38 PM
23 moms liked this

I really wouldn't worry about wanting the kids to know you are a good, decent person. If you had been a good decent person you would not have fucked a married man and broken up their home. It's a wasted effort convincing them of your goodness and decency. If I were you I would try to stay out of their way, let them heal. Maybe in many years, they will be able to forgive you. It doesn't seem like you are really looking for forgiveness at this point.

charliesangel23
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:41 PM
11 moms liked this

 I may get some bad feedback from this but you screwed a married man. That is the definition of a whore in my book and Im sure there are some others that will agree with me, so Im sure thats how bm feels and even though she should not be telling the kids that, shes not lying to them either. And even though you say your a "good person" your actions speak otherwise. I wouldnt expect crap from bm or your future stepkids. If your really wanting advice, I would stay away from all of them for a very long time and at the most maybe they will tolerate you.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:49 PM
4 moms liked this


Quoting LeslieRoss:

I absolutely am nowhere near her as I know she has been deeply hurt and is very angry. I have no plans to do it without some kind of counseling for sure! Its just such a  bad, bad situation. You hardly ever hear of these situations that actually work, but ours has withstood. I just want to be certain that I handle this the best way possible.


What exactly has "withstood"? You say you guys are just now starting to integrate this family. How long have you guys been shacking? It does make a difference. Oh, and good luck with karma for the rest of your life....you're going to need it.

mikiemom
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:49 PM
3 moms liked this

Really if you cared about his kids and yours, you would have divorced before fucking a married man and cheating on your husband.

If you didn't want the backlash aka consequences of your actions you should have not had an affair. Gotta love how folks like you make the injured spouse out to be the bad person for calling you out on your bullshit.

truly.a.taurus
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:21 PM
4 moms liked this
Take a huge step back from dealing with bm as she and your spouse are still hurt. It's alot for the kids and they know the reason for the split. You do admit that you and so did wrong. Focus on your kids and help them in their healing process.
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