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Will it ever be fair?

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:56 PM
  • 29 Replies
As I post this DH & I are on a 5+ hr car ride home. So earlier we were talking about Christmas & I suggested telling his mom not to get us anything because she has helped us out A LOT this year. Including this weekend giving us $200 to go get stuff from our old apt before we lost everything. Our older kids are 11 & 7 so they should understand this. DH says she wont agree to that.

So here's my frustration our 3mth old is finally gonna have a crib, but we dont have bedding. While in the car I was looking online on my phone, I noticed the bedding set I liked before is $7 cheaper now (only $73). I asked him if he thinks his mom would get it for Peighton for xmas & he rudely says thats expensive! Ok a little back story he has an 11 yr old son (he was never married to BM) & MIL buys him EVERYTHING & I know for a fact that she spent over $500 on SS last year (some of it went on my credit card & she paid me back). Now I'm not asking for her to spent that on the baby, but I dont think $73 is alot for bedding set. MIL bought SS all his school supplies, clothes, already 2 pairs of shoes cuz he literally wore a hole in them (had them 1.5 months), 2 backpacks since school started cuz he drags it on the ground, & spent like $100 on him for his bday that was just the end of Oct. The only thing she has bought Peighton is a case of diapers (she is 3m old). I honestly dont think she needs to spend even $100 on any kid (she cant really afford it) & she does get my dd from previous stuff too, but then we are sitting there forever watching SS unwrap. My parents have 12 gkids, 5 step gkids, & 1 great-gkid they spent like $20 at most on each & all of those kids are just as happy. Is it ever fair to the 2nd "set" of grandkid(s)?
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by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alw06tchs
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 11:52 PM

 i think they all should be equal...is she buys your child something then she should be able to buy her new grandchild something.

maybaby22
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 12:05 AM
I dont believe in tit for tat between kids. If mil asks what you need bring up the bedding
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ThePinkRobot
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 12:25 AM



You said you were going to tell her not to get you guys anything & then you said you want a $73 bedding set. Which is it? I guess I don't really understand. I wouldn't expect things to be equal for an infant & a pre teen anyway.

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paladinmom
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 12:47 AM

 I agree with maybaby - if MIL brings it up, mention the bedding set that you admire. 
Also, for the time being, Goodwill stores have crib sheets cheap... just wash in hot water before using to make sure all germs are off.  (Goodwill does wash before putting out on racks...)

cruelella2to
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 1:47 AM
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I must have missed something because a red flag went off when i read you are barely getting a "needed" item for your baby (crib) but your online on your phone. I know that aint cheap. Your asking for a bed set that is almost 100 dollars. It seems your priority's are out of order.

But to your topic if your mil asks and you feel a bed set is what you want/need then go for it. only if she brings it up i wouldn't ask for it.

whatIknownow
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 7:36 AM

What someone gives as a gift is no one's business but the giver.  It is in poor taste to ask for  a gift. If she asks what she can get for the baby you can tell her about the bedset.

On another note, how did you lose everything in your apartment?

Also I bet you can get a bedding set for less than that at Walmart, or used. Maybe even freecycle.

happinessforyou
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:02 AM


Quoting cruelella2to:

I must have missed something because a red flag went off when i read you are barely getting a "needed" item for your baby (crib) but your online on your phone. I know that aint cheap. Your asking for a bed set that is almost 100 dollars. It seems your priority's are out of order.

But to your topic if your mil asks and you feel a bed set is what you want/need then go for it. only if she brings it up i wouldn't ask for it.


I was thinking the same thing? What's a cell phone like that cost a month? THERE is your extra money ,honey!

cgarlic
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:04 AM
I honestly dont care if she buys any of us anything. She has done alot for us so when I mentioned my feelings to dh he said MIL would not agree to that.
She keeps asking us for the kids list, thats why I mentioned bedding to him. DH already got his present, she gave him $ to fix his car. Personally if she doesnt buy me anything (last yr got gc) I would not be offended. That is why my post is two sided. I think our kids are old enough to understand if we told them MIL helped us get there stuff back cuz we had already explained we would probably lose everything.


Quoting ThePinkRobot:







You said you were going to tell her not to get you guys anything & then you said you want a $73 bedding set. Which is it? I guess I don't really understand. I wouldn't expect things to be equal for an infant & a pre teen anyway.




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happinessforyou
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:04 AM

Oh- in my excitement about the cellphone comment, I forgot to answer your OP. The answer is NO! How can it all possibly be fair when you have so many kids involved, and some need more than others? And why is MIL (grandma) spending so much on SS? Why isn't that his dad's job?

cgarlic
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:05 AM
Thanks for the goodwill tip I think we have one near us somewhere


Quoting paladinmom:

 I agree with maybaby - if MIL brings it up, mention the bedding set that you admire. 
Also, for the time being, Goodwill stores have crib sheets cheap... just wash in hot water before using to make sure all germs are off.  (Goodwill does wash before putting out on racks...)


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