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Since so many of you said Christmas gifts should be equal...

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:41 AM
  • 24 Replies

if the SM and DH have shared finances or even if not - step kids should be treated equally and fairly when it comes to presents

what about college?  Should the SM also contribute equally to her SKs college funds?

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:41 AM
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:45 AM

my DH (the stepfather) has contributed a boatload to my kids' college funds. He is actually the reason my son is going to pharmacy school.

Also my kids' SM is contributing to their college, since her husband the BF is a stay-at-home-dad for his new little one. She is their only income and has been for several years.

If one pays they both are paying, if the finances are combined.

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:54 AM
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I have wondered this myself. My DD9 lost her dad when she was four and he left her a large sum of money to cover college and etc. I have been investing part of my paycheck before it goes into our family account every month into an account for my other DD5 since she is the only one that I have to pay for, since other DD9 is covered.I make more money than DH, so we agreed this money for our DD5 (ours) could be taken out of my check.

As far as SD goes, I think it is DH's responsibility to contribute to the college fund for SD, not mine. She is his and BM's child, so they should be paying for it if they can. If DH set up the same investiment plan that I have for my DD5, and it came out of his check before going into the family bank account, I would be fine with that. He may even have already done it. I think he and BM should be splitting it between them.

From the child's point of view, I was a child of divorce and had to pay for my own college education. My dad couldn't afford it and neither could by BM. I worked fulltime and got financial aid to  pay for college. It didn't hurt me any and I didn't resent either of my parents or expect my SM to pay for it. I was an adult and wanted to go to college, so I found a way.

I look at going to college as a priviledge, not a right. If my parents couldn't afford it (which many parents can't, so why should SM's be forced to help), I had to suck it up and find my own way.

This is just my opinion and experience as both the child and the adult in this sitch, do not bash!

by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:21 AM

WIKN - that is great for you family, but not all families are able to do that

Congrats on your son going to Pharmacy school, it isn't easy and is a great career!!!!

by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:28 AM

In my family, I always contributed a certain amount for my daughter.  Her BF is not in the picture at all and does not pay child support, so the only person she has who could save for her college is me.

Before we got married we discussed this, because I make significantly more than my DH.  I didn't want the amount I save for retirement or the amount I save for my daughter to be reduced once we got married because we added his kids college savings into the mix.

He wasn't able to save for his kids college and keep up with child support and everything else and save for his retirement, but now that we split the household costs, he can.  He puts money away for his kids, but it isn't as much as me.

I guess you could sat in a round about way, I am helping, because we joined incomes and that helped him have extra he could put towards college, but I do not and at this point, will not contribute out of my paycheck into their funds.  They have a BM who can do that.


by New Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:41 AM

i think it depends on the involvement of BM, I know in our situation i contribute at least half the care of SD so college will probably be the same

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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:57 AM

I think theres a major difference with Christmas presents then college. I mean unless you spend 15k or more per kid for Christmas lol. We plan for all of the kids the same.  I guess its a personal decision unless all the money in the home is separated I don't see how a sp couldn't.


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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:41 AM
Well we have 4 two his two mine & one is on his way to collage next year (ss) but we will help with what we can its never a set amount. But ss is determaned to be an adult & pay his way. We have bought him a car & will help with gas & such but unless he asks he wants to do it himself. N oi w as for the other 3. My two have no choice they go to college or military. And we will help them just like their brother. They get a car & help when needed but they will learn to stand on their own. Now sd I have no idea but on our end the same applys. But she is 9 & already says she wont go to college & just marry someone to take care of her. But that is dhs & bms problem not mine. Yes we pay together but raising sd is all them. As long as she has manners and is well behaved in our house the raising is thiers.
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by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:06 AM

I plan on contributing to my skids.  Again it's what works for us.  BM won't contribute I'm sure and DH and I share finances.

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:44 AM

I think this is a really personal decision.  Personally I came from a home where my parents had us pay for our own college.  We worked and we paid for it.  All 3 of us are doing very well and successful.  DH on the other hand.. his parents paid for EVERYTHING.. and he will admit that he used them as a crutch way too much.. and didn't learn a lot about responsibility.  We plan to meet somewhere in the middle... and we will do the same for all kids.. Stepkids and bio kids.  We have already started a savings for my two stepsons and we will start one for the baby when he/she gets here.  This is strictly for college.  Whatever is in it is what they will have.. we will encourage them to work hard and try to get scholarships or grants and whatever is left to pay for they will need to use loans/get a job and work to pay for it.

I guess I should add.. it depends somewhat on what the birth mom will do.. but I doubt she will contribute anything. 

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:47 AM

 If finances are combined, then they are both contributing.

I will help my skids too.

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