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New Here... Needing some advice on childrens health

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:36 AM
  • 30 Replies

Hi!  I am new here.. I have 2 stepson, they are almost 6 (next week) and almost 5 (in Jan) and my first bio baby on the way due in May.  I found this website when trying to find information on an issue we have.  I was excited to find a section for stepmoms because I think some of you might be able to relate.  There might be a better place to ask this.. but I thought I'd start here.

When I met my husband.. his house was in total chaos.. his kids ruled the house..  His situation and divorce was really bad.. the things his ex did to him were horrible, but that's another story for another time.  He was put in a hard place and didn't know how to handle things so he just continued doing things the way he had learned from her.  Letting them do whatever they want, eat whatever they want, giving into every demand, no discipline.  I came in and was in total shock.  I could tell he just didn't know what to do... at that point he'd been doing it this way for over 3 years. 

Over the past 3 years that I've been around, I have helped him totally change things.  They have more respect for him, they are better behaved.  They don't eat whatever they want.. we make dinner and that's what they get.. rather than making separate meals for everyone.  It's really changed for the better.  So, at OUR house.. things are decent.  It's taken a long time to reverse a lot of those issues and we do have some problems occasionally but it's so much better.  They don't rule the house anymore and we have implemented good discipliine.

However, they are only with us 2 days a week Friday evening through Sunday evening.  And the other days of the week they are with their mother... who just doesn't care.  I mean I know she loves them and she is there for them..  don't want to give the wrong impression.  She does some pretty stupid things somethings and she uses them all the time to guilt DH.  That's something else we've had to work on.  But anyway, I know a lot of this is common.

So the advice I'm needing is on health/eating.  She still babies them way too much.. she gives them whatever they want.. they eat donuts for breakfast (I don't mean little white powder donuts.. I mean large glazed donuts that even an adult would struggle to eat and McDonalds practically every day for dinner (or something similar)  Yesterday when DH picked them up.. the oldest announced he just had a happy meal and she knew good and well that he was getting ready to go to our house and eat dinner!  The younger one then tells us for breakfast he had a sausage biscuit and 2 hasbrowns from there for breakfast.. this is how they eat every day.. nothing but sugar and grease.. she gives them candy and sweets all the time.. sweet tea and pop.. they are drinking mountain dew when we see them with her most of the time.  The older one plays soccer and every time we go to a game.. even when we bring them.. they go running over to her.. and she's giving them junk after junk.. just in that short hour we are there.  We have confronted her about it.. the daycare has confronted her about it.. and they asked us about it.. she'll just say..."I"ll feed them what I want.. it's none of your business) a dr once told her that the younger one was at risk for juvenile diabetes..  she laughed about it.. and joked about how she gives him those little coffee drinks from mcdonalds (frappacino type things).. we're like.. you are insane. 

The younger one won't eat ANY fruits or veggies.. except for applesauce.  The older one for the longest time would only eat like 4 different things..pb (no jelly), chicken nuggets and fries, pizza with no cheese on it, and grilled cheese.. and if you tried to make him eat anything else he would throw an absolute tantrum.. unless it was sugar or chocolate... when we started inforcing the rules of... you have to eat what we make.. sometimes he would hold out and eat nothing all evening..  he would hold out until the next meal.. so that wasn't working.  We would end up just giving him sides he would with the meal so he'd eat somethign so he wouldn't starve.. and we'd tell him if you don't eat everything you can't have dessert.. or snack later.. and he didn't care.   We just recently had a breakthrough with him and we are finally getting him to eat new things.  Only at our house though.. he'll actually try things.. and he loves fruit.

So we have made somewhat of a break through.. they don't get hardly any sugar at our house.. they drink a lot of water.  We don't eat out with them.  However it stinks.. because on the other side they still eat terrible.  My problem is.. they are with her more.. so we can't really impact them the way I'd like.  And we've noticed they get sick a lot.. they have a terrible immune system and I'm sure it has a lot to do with their poor diet..and like I said.. being with her more it's hard to stop this.  So we started giving them a multi vitamin (flinstones with immune support, extra vitamin c).. and they love taking them so we gave them a bottle to take to her house.. and so they have been taking them pretty well.  She gives them to them thankfully... probably because they ask for them and like them.. they are like candy to them.   I try to do other things ont he weekend.  But she won't do anything else.  I also started giving them D3 just on the weekend.  Sadly she won't take it this seriously.  I just want them to be healthier and sick less often.  They are sick wayyyy too much...way more than other kids their age.

Do you all think what we are doing will help them?  Taking the flinstones every day and do you think what we are doing just on the weekend can impact them during the week?  Do you have any advice for anything else we can do??  Does anyone have a similar situation.   I wish we had more control of the other side of their life.. but we don't.  They just started taking the flinstones vitamins on a daily basis about a month ago.  I am hoping and praying that we will be able to help them.

I'm so sorry for the long post... but I thank all of you who took the time to read it.. I figured since I was new I should explain the situation we have to you.  I'm just at a loss.  Thank you so much for listening!!!

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Jessw1982
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:03 PM
Your heart is definately in the right place unfortunately there isn't much you can do to influence Bm's behavior. She obviously doesn't place much value on her health or her children's health. I think you are doing what you can. It's great that you care about them and are trying to be such a positive force in their lives. Keep doing what you are, feeding them nutritious meals and educating them about eating right and maybe your good habits will rub off on everyone!
mhp8982
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:34 PM

thank you!  I just hope that maybe the vitamins every day now will help their immune systems to be stronger and hopefully they will be healthier.  At least she's willing to do that.

ShannaBee
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:12 PM
You're preaching to the choir here. In the same boat as far as eating habits and one permissive parent.
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looneytunes290
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:38 PM

I have totally been in exactly your situation and watched it unfold over the last 7 years and my skids are basically grown now.  What you are doing is certainly not going to hurt the kids, it's better than nothing, but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about the rest.  I have watched both my step daughters suffer from the consequences of poor nutrition.  My advice- start saving your money because if you have to foot half the medical bills by the time these kids are grown you may need it.  We have paid for countless bad teeth, and a knee surgery, (the doctor even said it was because the kid was over weight) oh and then there was the trip to the emergency room when she put one of the kids on diet pills and didn't tell us, but she did let us take her to the ER when she had a reaction to them, that's just a few- Not to mention all the doctor visit copays and prescriptions those kids had that they might not have if they just ate better.  Anyway bottom line is this- make sure you have good health/dental insurance and start saving your money, your gonna need it.

mhp8982
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:01 PM

Wow.. that is awful!  I can't believe she put her on diet pills!  I just can't believe how little sense some people have...

Well as of right now.. it hasn't been THAT bad.. just a lot of little illnesses.. which I know kids get.  But they get them way more than normal.  As far as insurance and payments.. My husband holds the coverage and she is responsible for what is left.. thankfully.  Right now though.. she is one of those type that abuses the system.. and she has medicaid to pay for that. (I'm not saying that no on ever needs it, but she is one of those who won't go get a real job, and is just milking it for all it's worth)

But yeah, I understand what you are sayiing.  It's a struggle.  That's why we are so strict on them on the weekends.. because it's almost like they need that detox to keep them alive.  That's why I said no sugar, pop, or junk food on the weekends.. they eat what we make.. and they are finally to a point where they will at least try things when I ask them to.  I know we can't control what goes on over there.. I just hope the vitamins and everything will help at least compensate for some of what they are missing from their diet with her.


mhp8982
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:02 PM

I want to add.. I'm really scared and don't want these diet habits/behaviors of theirs to rub off on the baby when he/she is here. 

looneytunes290
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:10 PM


Quoting mhp8982:

I want to add.. I'm really scared and don't want these diet habits/behaviors of theirs to rub off on the baby when he/she is here. 

That truly hasn't been an issue here- we have three kids that live here and they all have good eating habits- I think I have actually been more strict about it since my skids eating habits were soooo extremely bad.  When my oldest SD was a senior I took her to buy her prom dress and it was a size 17!!! (same kid they put on diet pills) This was not a hereditary weight thing- noone on either side is at all overweight- It was the result of 17 years of junk.  When my youngest SD was 10 we had to (I know this is crazy) go get her a Coke several times and finally just started getting them for her because she would have terrible ( I mean crying, dark circles) headaches because at mom's house she had two cans of soda before school everymorning- (We have never kept soda on a regular basis) Anyway good luck!

mhp8982
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:33 PM

I'm sorry you have had to deal with all of that!  I'm going to do everything in my power to keep my own child very healthy and watch eating habits.  But I'm also worried about their behavior issues.

E_is_4_Ethan
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:06 PM

sorry i didn't read all of your post but, it sounds like she is trying to keep some kind of control. 

cruelella2to
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2011 at 1:24 AM

i had a daycare kid that was simliar to this and i kinda worked around it. i think they are called sidekicks. i told him they were milk shakes. i know it doesn't fix teaching them eating habits but if its makes them healthier. i also would do apples with sugar free carmel sauce. i gave him "kool aid". it was really crystal light. these are things maybe you could try at your house and send home sense the vitamins worked??

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