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Overnight friends.

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:45 AM
  • 10 Replies

 Kid had a friend who wanted to stay the night. I called and talked to his mom and she told me that she would feel more comfortable meeting me and seeing where we live. No problem there, I even asked her to come in and she talked to me and dh.

She told me that my skid had called from bm's before wanting her son to stay all night there. She talked to bm and this mom said she just couldn't do it. There was something "off" about bm, she didn't trust her and she just got a strange vibe, plus the kid's mom doesn't agree with the lifestyle bm has. I told her it was totally understandable. She said she didn't want to tell my kid why she doesn't let her kid stay all night while he was at bm's because she was afraid she would hurt his feelings. (Her kid knows why he can't stay).

So, do we try to find a way to explain why the friend can't stay? He gets upset when the kid cant stay with him while hes at bm's or do we just leave it alone?

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RTXmommy06
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:52 AM

Hmm. That's a tough one. I hate things like that. It's SO hard to explain to skids why certain things have to be the way they are because of BM's lifestyle. I wish I had some good advice for you mama! How old is your skid?

jessiesluv
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:04 PM

 13.. so not too young..

8sEnuff
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:17 PM

I don't know that there is an easy answer to that.  If he is at an age that he can really reason, maybe letting dad explain would help.  I think if you try to tell him he might think you have something against his mom as well.  I do have something against the bm in my situation so I try not to discuss anything about her with my sks for fear I will come off hurtful.  You can either tell him (gently) or have friend  stay at your home more often and maybe that will take the focus off not being able to have him stay at moms.  How would bm handle it if she was made aware of the situation?

jessiesluv
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:29 PM

 I dont know how she would handle it. Thats why I really dont want to say anything. I think I will just tell skid that whenever he wants this kid to stay, hes more than welcome to as long as we dont have plans.

8sEnuff
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:00 PM


Quoting jessiesluv:

 I dont know how she would handle it. Thats why I really dont want to say anything. I think I will just tell skid that whenever he wants this kid to stay, hes more than welcome to as long as we dont have plans.

I think that is probably your safest bet.  If he is thirteen he might have an idea why already and is just upset about it.  

chanizen
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:06 PM
I would just style it as you and the kids mom agree it is ok with having him here.

If ss asks why not at bms, i would just say don't know. Doesn't matter. But you can have that kid over here. And you might just want to leave it like that, ss. I can't explain other people to you. I can say your friend is welcome here.
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ShannaBee
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't explain. Sounds like a can o' worms to me.
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Angelknot8
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:46 PM

I'd leave it alone.

  


 
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looneytunes290
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:29 PM

I wouldn't say anything- your skid will figure it out as he gets older and it's something they should learn on their own.  We were in the same situation.  When my skids were in high school kids parents still didn't want their kids over at my husbands ex's.  We have had many calls from concerned parents (through the years) about letting their kids go over there.  It's pretty sad that a situation can be as bad as ours was but we still didn't have custody.  I would never have let my kids go to my husbands ex's house.  I will say that she kind of spiralled out of control after they divorced but that was like fifteen years ago.

E_is_4_Ethan
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:50 PM

leave it alone. If he asks why say I'm not sure. Maybe you should ask your mom.

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