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how do you deal with your stepdaughter and her real mother getting closer!

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:50 PM
  • 6 Replies

wow where to begin... my stepdaughter is 11 and she is amazing !!!! beautiful smart funny and so kind and generous like her dad! she is 11 and has been mistreated by her birth mother for close to 11 years now. but this last summer they bonded and are now becoming very close... how do i deal with that without becoming jealous and spiteful? please help me someone who has been where i am! thank you

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:50 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Mommy0505
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 2:04 PM

Think of it as though she were getting closer to her dad.  Each time you feel this way, take a step back. 

Overall, That's a good thing.  People grow and change and so do relationships.  It may be time to let go so she can spread her wings and explore a relationship with her mother.  As the stepmom you need to be flexible (I know, it's tough when you love them like your own and feel protective over them).  It's her mother.  If she treats her poorly than SD will see that and come to her own conclusions.  Don't stand in the way =)

 

sammysue3801
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 2:28 PM

thank you for your reply! i guess i am just afraid or losing her.... i dont understand the dynamics of love between step moms and daughters.. will her love for me go away if she continues to get closer with her mom?

Prayin4Serenity
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this
I understand how you feel. I have a very close relationship with my SD as well. Her bm was never around until about two years ago. And its hard to see their bond because it's so obviously a mother/daughter bond that,no matter how close we are, can never be comparable. You just have to hold in your feelings of jealousy,bitterness, sadness,etc and support their relationship. It's an important one. Love her when she's with you,enjoy the moments, but let her have her relationship with her mother. It's one she will treasure her whole life. She'll treasure yours too just in a different way. Love is endless and there's plenty of it to go around.
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8sEnuff
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:24 PM

I have sd15, she is like you described your sd.  I love to have her around and we are very close.  I think of her more as a wonderful friend that I am fortunate enough to have in my life.  I don't feel like I have to be her mother to love her, give her guidance, listen to her silly stories and be a shoulder to cry on when she needs it.  If you don't make it feel like a competition she will not feel like she has to choose and everyone can have their own special place in her heart.

mikiemom
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:12 PM

You step back and let the little girl have a relationship with her mother.

Is this post for real?

ShannaBee
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:30 PM
Just remember she has love in her heart for everybody.
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