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Moms, is he over doing it or am I over reacting? (MUST READ)

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:31 AM
  • 34 Replies

I am 1 day away from my 1 year anniversary with my husband. I am totally excited but I will say that this years has had so many ups and downs. They were right when they said that the first year was going to be hard.

Any how I became a step mom almost a year ago and we became a little family so to speak. I learned the hard way that my biggest issues in our marriage weren't so much my SS but my DH. I had realized that the reason my SS bugged me so much wasn't because of his actions but the actions of my husband. I don't doubt my husband loves his son to death, and he is a vary good dad but I like to say that he is some what of an armature at parenting. Now I am not one to speak, I personally don't have kids and when one becomes a parent I know there's no instructions manual given to you when you leave the hospital. But I believe that I don't have to be a parent to have common sense. My husband is the typical, I have to buy him everything to make up for time lost, little does he know he is creating a monster. Every time he picks him up he needs to buy him a new toy or have a surprise for him at home already, every time we go to the store my ss does not walk out empty handed. Each time we fill up for gas, he has to buy him a drink. This has become a problem when my ss and I are alone because I wont buy him just because he wants them. I feel that it's unnecessary unless he needs it. Now my ss is 3 and has so many toys already, but why does need need a psp, or an itouch, or to be playing on an iphone4 constantly, or be on the Internet on the desktop??? There not age appropriate. He does not like to be told no and when he is, things are not pretty. It really upsets me when my husband yells at him and gets mad at ss if he's told no and my ss has a mad face. He tells him to wipe that look off his face, which only makes my ss cry. I really want to tell my husband, " you created this monster and now you cant handle him." of course a conversation like that would never happen.

When we married I understood that disciplining would be out of the questions period!!!! But as a co-parent shouldn't I be entitled to my opinion as far as all these unnecessary gifts???? I find that the way to keep the peace is to keep my mouth shut.

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Angelknot8
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:35 AM
1 mom liked this

Be honest with your husband. If your relationship is good then he will consider your words.

  


 
 I am the face of IH

BE_U_T_XPRT
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:09 AM
There is a book that really helped me learn effective communication with my husband regarding his kids...it was called fight less love more. Also I was taking a stepmom coaching class from claudia, a stepmom coach. Google her - she has some free webinar things & good info on her website. Sorry I don't have more specifics but the things I learned from these two sources probably saved my marriage & blended family.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:15 AM
Your DH definitely needs help in the parenting department. What you can do is get the same help. Be on the same page. Develop some coordinated and consistent ways to parent in your home.

Why not buy a book and read it together. In bed at night. After your SS is asleep. Naked.

Make it fun. Because parenting can be fun.

Good luck.
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ame4c
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 5:18 AM

 Talking with your husband is the best thing of course, but you need to remember your not a co-parent.  This is not your child.  If BM is in the picture (which it sounds like she is), then you need to let DH and BM handle this kid.  It can be frustrating at times, but if you keep trying to parent a kid that is not your responsibility (especially without the backing of your DH) then your the one that is going to end up with built up resentment and despair.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:18 AM
If you intend to have children with this man then you need to get on the same parenting page. You need to address your parenting concerns.
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happinessforyou
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:42 AM

He's parenting out of guilt. And he is offended by your suggestions out of guilt. SIt down and talk about it. If he can get some of these feelings out, and deal with them, maybe he would be a better parent.

GypsyRayne
by Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:50 AM

I don't understand why you can't disipline him. I know that a lot of people feel it isn't a sm's place but why exactly?

I'm not talking about spanking him but you can tell him to stop with the crying/tantrums or he will go to his room, stand in the corner, sit on a chair , etc until he is ready to stop his behavior.

Yes, your dh did this, but since the child is so young it should be able to be fixed.

cardingtonlizzy
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:57 AM

But when she takes SS out by herself, which she stated she does, then it is her place to be the parent.   I agree DH made the monster, my mom does the same thing w/ the surprises & such and it drives me crazy, but until he figures out that it isn't gonna get any better, or he reaches a breaking point, unfortunately there's not a whole lot SM can do..

Quoting ame4c:

 Talking with your husband is the best thing of course, but you need to remember your not a co-parent.  This is not your child.  If BM is in the picture (which it sounds like she is), then you need to let DH and BM handle this kid.  It can be frustrating at times, but if you keep trying to parent a kid that is not your responsibility (especially without the backing of your DH) then your the one that is going to end up with built up resentment and despair.


mikiemom
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:00 AM

umm let him raise his child how he sees fit. You can not fix his parenting. If you don't like his parenting, I would suggest not having children with him.

dlphnsng
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:25 AM

To a 3 year old, I don't think the price tag matters as much as just getting something every time he goes somewhere.

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