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Evil stepmom at large!

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:53 PM
  • 15 Replies

In my stepsons eyes I am an evil stepmom because I don't think he she be allowed to stay out til one and two in the morning partying with his friends. He lives with his older brother during the week and hates having to do what his sister in law says but his brother makes him listen and respect her. In my case he only comes down on the weekends so he can drink do drugs and party with his buddies. I disagree with that. He has been allowed by his father to do these things since I have been with him. The boy was 13 then. Now he is 17, on probation for steeling a vehicle, drinking, evading police etc..etc.. etc.. He has a 7:00 cerfew which is never inforced, his father does not make him listen to me or respect me and if I say anything then a huge arguement takes place. When the boy was 14 he tried to bring a pot plant home and grow it in the closet, after a huge fight between me and his father the boy finally had to listen to me. I try to be a positive influence in his life but there are too many people that spoil him and let him get by with what ever he wants. I do not hate him in any way, but after 3 1/2 yrs of this I do not like him.............. Now he wants to come live with us again! I can already see the road this is going down we have been down it to many times before. I fear that my husband and I will split up again over this as we did before several times. I am at my wits end with this whole thing, I do not want to loose my husband but neither of them will listen to me. I did not raise my children this way and think it is just plain wrong. I am going to stop trying to be a good stepmom and Im going to stop doing anything for him. If in his eyes I am just his dads wife, then so be it that is all I will be. Anyone got any good advice???????????????????????????

EVIL STEPMOM!

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:58 PM
2 moms liked this
Yes. Take your own advice. Just be dad's wife. Let your spouse deal with his kid. Outside of illegal activity in your home stay out of it.
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:00 PM

There's really nothing much you can do with a 17 year old that doesn't want to listen.  Let his dad deal with him.  I know it'll be hard to keep your mouth closed, but you're going to have to at this point.

Dana333810
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:03 PM

I agree with Glock n sand.

whatIknownow
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:05 PM
I agree. The kid is raised already. If you try to interfere it will be seen as meddling. Just be nice to him and let his father make the decisions.
paladinmom
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:09 PM

I would suggest that you first talk your DH into a big bout of tough love for this kid.  He needs drug/alcohol therapy!  He needs to be clean and stay that way!

Disengaging completely might be your best bet.  If you and your DH have already split several times because of his son and DH just "allows" his son to behave this way... Then yeah, say nothing and do nothing for SS.  If he wants food, he can make his own meals or your DH can do it.  If he wants to go do drugs/drink - not in the house - that would be my only request "If you're going to allow it, not in my house or I will call the police!"  Thing of that one is, if his father allows him to drink at home, he will then be guilty himself because he didn't fight his son on it - so he'd better think about it all first.  

And for any one else who doesn't like what I'm saying - I'm not sorry for being blunt and a bitch!  No parent should allow their child to go out and do these things - EVER!!! And, yes, I'd send my own kids to rehab if they wanted to behave this way....

lilangilyn
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:14 PM

I don't usually say this, but in your case, you may want to think about separating from your husband. Have your own life, your own home, your own things. You could still date your husband if you like, still see him occasionally, but living with the son would not be an option.

I think that dad needs to handle what he created, not you.

annabl1970
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:17 PM
This:


Quoting lilangilyn:

I don't usually say this, but in your case, you may want to think about separating from your husband. Have your own life, your own home, your own things. You could still date your husband if you like, still see him occasionally, but living with the son would not be an option.

I think that dad needs to handle what he created, not you.


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chanizen
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:27 PM
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My dh would have to move out. I will not tolerate Teens using drugs or partying in my home. Dh would have to be 100% on board with that.

If dh wants to let ss violate curfew, I would tell him that I will be locking doors from the inside at x time: he can stay up and let ss in.

Any funny business... And I'm gone. Drugs and teens coupled with disrespect are a no go for me. I've seen that go bad too many times. If dh doesn't have the balls to parent, he can get an apartment with ss while he figures it out. And if I had such fear and anger toward ss, I would also be looking to myself to make sure I am not overreacting to ss. Bf should be able to parent. And he can, but there will be no teens with drug problems in my home. Not without 100% line up on rules and enforcement.
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:34 PM

IMO this is kinda unrealistic.  If someone's gonna go through the expense of moving out, might as well make it permanent.  I get where you're coming from, but basically that's letting ss and his lame dad win if you just up and go without at least making an attempt to, I donno, deal with it?

I like the suggestions that said keep your mouth shut, but don't allow any monkey business in the home...if monkey business arises, call the cops.  I'd be more apt to do something like that.

Quoting lilangilyn:

I don't usually say this, but in your case, you may want to think about separating from your husband. Have your own life, your own home, your own things. You could still date your husband if you like, still see him occasionally, but living with the son would not be an option.

I think that dad needs to handle what he created, not you.


mikiemom
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:39 PM

yep, you are just dad's wife, not a parent. doing for your stepkids does not give you parental rights.

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