Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Psycho Ex Wife Thinks She Needs to Call the Kids which Upsets Them

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:30 PM
  • 51 Replies

So, my husband's ex wife is crazy. We have the kids the second and the fourth weekend of the month. When they come to our house she sees them on Friday when they leave and on Sunday when they return.

In the past she will call on Saturday evening to talk to the girls which results in one of two things: 1. They end up in a burn out kicking and screaming that they want to go home to see their mom and cry themselves to sleep because they stay or 2. Their mom tells them they can come home and they lose out on time with their dad.

So, my husband asked her not to call on Saturdays, because, those few select times that she hasn't called everything goes smoothe, everyone is happy, and we have a great time!

She thinks it is a personal attack and he is being a bastard and trying to keep her from her kids! WE ARE TALKING TWO DAYS A MONTH here that she does not see or talk to them. She has the other days of the month all to herself!

I think that she is being selfish. She calls the girls for herself not for them. It is in their best interest if she doesn't call, and some how that makes my man the bad guy.

She also thinks he should call his kids EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. He does not do this. He calls when it's most important, and they are 4 and 2. Talking on the phone is not exactally vital. The younger one doesn't even get the concept and half the time our 4 year old is too distracted to talk to him when does try and call.

He makes sure he calls and talks to them on the holidays and birthdays that we don't have them.

He is working a part time job so he can pay child support and help with the household expenses and going to school full time. They (she lives with her mom and siblings) think he should be able to squeeze in 30 minutes a day with his kids EVERY DAY. It is just unrealistic.

We, myself and my daughter, hardly see him as it is because he is so busy, and they want him to never see us so he can see them with what little time he has. They say he doesn't make time for his kids. But he takes them on his weekends and we pick them up every Thursday for dinner. He is doing the best he can. That's more than my dad ever did for me. What is wrong with these people?

 

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:30 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
BrandiGra
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:35 PM

Maybe instead of cancelling the Saturday calls completely you can switch the time to Saturday Morning.

As soon as the kiddo wake up have them call and say 'good morning Mommy, We  love you. Bye'.  They can do it while breakfast is being prepared. That way BM can't complain ya'll are keeping the kids from her and the kids will be less likely to melt down.

ThePinkRobot
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't give them the phone? My SO refused to let the BM talk to their son in the past. It would just ruin his day. And it is only 48 hours.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sage2983
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I know I'll get bashed for this, but...

I can see where BM is coming from. She is with her kids everyday, and all she prob wants is to just check in and make sure they are ok. When my DD goes to her bio dad's, I call once a day to check in. And yes, I could tell it annoyed him...

So when dd goes now, he takes the time to have dd call me once a day, doesn't have to be at night. And it's a <3 min call. Just hey, how are ya, love you, see you soon. No big deal, but very necessary as far as I am concerned.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:48 PM
Quoting BrandiGra:

Maybe instead of cancelling the Saturday calls completely you can switch the time to Saturday Morning.

As soon as the kiddo wake up have them call and say 'good morning Mommy, We  love you. Bye'.  They can do it while breakfast is being prepared. That way BM can't complain ya'll are keeping the kids from her and the kids will be less likely to melt down.


this is good advice.
I don't think bm's requests are unreasonable.
KSLMama964
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting sage2983:

I know I'll get bashed for this, but...

I can see where BM is coming from. She is with her kids everyday, and all she prob wants is to just check in and make sure they are ok. When my DD goes to her bio dad's, I call once a day to check in. And yes, I could tell it annoyed him...

So when dd goes now, he takes the time to have dd call me once a day, doesn't have to be at night. And it's a <3 min call. Just hey, how are ya, love you, see you soon. No big deal, but very necessary as far as I am concerned.

There shall be no bashing. LOL. The whole point of posting is to get different points of view to help better assess the situation and determine the best course of action in dealing with the problem. All perspectives are necessary and greatly appreciated. I believe that you shouldn't ask for advice unless you're prepared to hear and respect points of view that are different from your own. Thanks for posting! :-)

Dana333810
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:58 PM

Now that's maturity that all the newbies should have =) ^^^


amber_jean101
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:00 PM

I can understand both sides here! maybe you need to take out a day and have a conversation on the things you want or would like...

I dont think him calling them everyday for 5 minutes or so should be a problem they are his kids and he doesnt see them alot!  Your husband may work and go to school but 5 minutes a day isnt taking that much time away from you and your daughter... his other two girls are his too and he should love them just as much and be just as much a proiorty to him.

I am with my husband still and I thought about it as a situation that had we not been together... yes I would want him to call them, I would call them if they were there because I would miss them not to cause a mess or make him or who he was with upset but because they were that important to me.

Could you imagine not being with your daughter everyday? If your husband wasnt there for her everyday and didnt call either.... I think this mother just wants him to have a important roll in there lives too. I dont see the wrong in it.

I dont know if there is more that has gone on but too me this is just somthing petty and it will only make both sides have bad feelings twords each other if it is something that is dwelled on.

 

Chelliza1028
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:01 PM

 DH calls SD everyday that she is not here. It's a 5 minute phone call.. (she's 4). If BM wanted to, she is more than welcome to call her child every day. Usually by Saturday night, SD misses her mom, and DH has her call her mom. She's with her mom 5 days to our 2. She's 4. If your skids only come over every other weekend, they are probably aching for their mom. What's the problem with them talking to her.. they are so young.. distracting them should be pretty easy. We tell SD.. okay you're going to call mommy and then it's such and such time.. She called her mom this morning and then it was time to bake brownies.. she recovered just fine, even tho' she misses her mom.

If we lived closer to SD, DH would see her a few more times a week for an hour or so.. I work full time and go to school part time, but I make time for my son every day. Why can't your DH give his kids an hour two nights week???

As for you.. you're an adult.. you stay up later.. if you want time with your DH, make it! DH sometimes gets bent out of shape because after work, he wants time with me, and DS needs time with me.. DH can wait until bedtime, and we have our time together..

As for your daughter.. his kids only see him 4 days a month.. giving them 2 hours a week is not taking much time from your daughter..

Arkansasgirl79
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:06 PM
I call DD or she calls every day that she isnt with me. I'm with Chan...I love that kid and miss her when she isn't with me. And I do it no matter who she is with. It isnt to get under anyone's skin or make her cry for me. Just like hearing her voice for a few minutes. We talk maybe 5 minutes when she is gone for
the weekend. Longer sometimes when she is gone for holidays.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lilangilyn
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:08 PM

I also vote not to answer the phone. She is telling them probably how sad she is without them and aren't they sad without her, and other mommy dearest BS. You could answer the phone and tell her they are OK but are busy or out of the house getting doughnuts or something. That way she would know they are OK but she is not upsetting them.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)