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SD Birth Mom is Punishing My 2 year Old Twins!!!

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:12 PM
  • 98 Replies
1 mom liked this

My DF's EW has always done anything she can to make our lives hard. Where as I am best friends with my EH and very friendly with his current wife who had an affair with him while we were married. I was not with DF until after his marriage was over but she still makes us miserable! i send treats and gifts home for my SD's half sister at BM's house, bought her games and send cupcakes we make or buy ect for her. BM's other child is 4, sd is 10 and my twins will be 3 this month.
The problems are this...
We let S.D. Take her tots from here to moms for her to let her half-sister play with. When we ask for anything back we don't get it. We bought Sd a bounce house $400. Asked for it back for my girls 3rd birthday, we were told their cats peed all over it. Ok, why didn't you clean it and why is it on your lani? My girls like littlest pet shops, we bought sd everything they made for that and asked ad to bring some back since she told me they never okay with them. She showed up with the smallest house made and it was broken, missing the tubes. I was mad, sd sais her mom picked that one. I made it clear to DF and sd that one of the nicer houses were to be brought back the following weekend, she came back with nothing. I asked why, she said she was grounded from bringing them because she sassed her bm. Sd was not going to okay with them, the twins were. What kind of mother plays games with two year olds? I know it's just to hurt me, but I am a great sm, I play with sd and do games, crafts, projects, every other weekend is planned around sd. We even let bm put her in dance ect. Things that made it impossible for us to do anything on our weekend, we have up our Wednesday visit because sm said it was too hard on a weekday and it effected her school.
Sorry for the rant but u get my point, we go out of our way to be nice and this woman is awful. Do what you want to me but keep my kids the hell out of it! I am kind to both her children, why cant she be too?

Edit:  After 6 pages of bashing me I wanted to clarify.  I bought the gifts for SD. In my opioion this has no bearing on anything but it was brought up a lot. Also SD brings things back and forth from house to to house every time she visits. I am no longer allowing her to take things to BM's but I think this is hurting SD because she has a lot of nice things at our house and unfortunately she is not at out house very often. She often outgrows toys, movies or clothes before even using them.  For those who say if I let SD take items I buy her home they now belong to BM, why?  When she brings her tablet from moms or comes to our house in clothes that I wash and return, should I hold onto those items because by your reasoning, they are now mine right?  Imo, that's ridiculous!  She is 10 years old and should be able to do as she pleases with her belongings.

It was not my idea to bring the toys back to our house, SD saw the twins playing with similar toys and told the girls she would bring hers back for them to play with. I asked her if her or her half-sister were still using them and she said no.  SD was supposedly sassing BM and BM grounded her from bringing the toys to our house.  She should ground her from things at her own house imo and why ground her from something she doesn't play with.  I haven't grounded my 13 year old from her Little People lately. I hope you get my point.  Also the toys were supposed to be brought over two weeks earlier but there was another issue that prevented her from bringing them over then. She was allowed to bring a very small broken toy over however.

To those who say my great relationship with my EH has no bearing, I want to get the point across that it should be whats best for the kids.  If you do whats best for the kids, all of them these games are not even played.  What is the point?

I have said my peace now, you don't have to agree with me but I have received a few helpful post and to those moms, I thank you.  To the bashers, I have noticed a pattern here.  I see the same names bashing everyone and everything in this group.  Why can't you ask questions instead of assuming the worst, say positive or at least be nice when disagreeing with people.  I wrote a post dedicated to you guys titled:  I want to be a Super Hero!  If nothing else you have inspired me to stand up tall for those who seek support and opinions not bashing and bulling. I am not calling you out by name, I am too good a person for that, but everyone else sees your names attached to negative post like me, try acting like a supportive adult please.

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:16 PM
5 moms liked this

Stop going out of your way.  Stop trying to make 2 separate families one. What is at your house stays at your house.

lilangilyn
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:16 PM
5 moms liked this

I think your toys and things should stay at your house, including all stuff bought for SD. The things that BM buys, stays at her house. That way you don't get upset when something is broken, dirtied or ruined.

LoriDeen
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:20 PM
1 mom liked this

So stop letting the kids take stuff back to the BM's house. What you get stays at your house. End of story.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:24 PM


Quoting WifeyC:

Stop going out of your way.  Stop trying to make 2 separate families one. What is at your house stays at your house.

What she said ^^^^

Stop letting SD take things you get her over to her mom's place.  We never let SD 1&2 take things over to their mom's home because it never comes back.  If we DO let them take things (like clothes, because otherwise they'd have to go home to her naked! lol) it's with the understanding that we may never see the stuff again.  That way we don't get mad if we never see the thing again.

chanizen
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:30 PM
This.


Quoting sandeeyo:



Quoting WifeyC:


Stop going out of your way.  Stop trying to make 2 separate families one. What is at your house stays at your house.


What she said ^^^^


Stop letting SD take things you get her over to her mom's place.  We never let SD 1&2 take things over to their mom's home because it never comes back.  If we DO let them take things (like clothes, because otherwise they'd have to go home to her naked! lol) it's with the understanding that we may never see the stuff again.  That way we don't get mad if we never see the thing again.


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mikiemom
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:42 PM
2 moms liked this

buy sd things and your children their own things. Stop asking SD to give your children  her stuff.

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:47 PM
Stop doing the back and forth thing with items. Quit trying to shove yourself on BM. She doesn't have to like you or interact with you.

Also, what do you mean you guys even "let" her put SD in dance?
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USBrit
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, this is an easy fix....just stop sending things to BM house for SD. She can play with them at your house. You are not responsible for SD half siblings, not related to you, that is her own Mom's responsbility. You can't get mad at anyone but yourself. She has repeatedly done this to you and it is time for you to learn the lesson she is teaching you. You will get NO respect for the things that you send. As for your using how you feel about your ex and his new wife has NO bearing on your DH ex. They are totally diferent situations and you are trying to make them one.

Chrismomto5
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:03 PM

Why are you sending stuff over there if you know you won't be getting it back?  Just stop sending the things you purchase to BM's house.  If SD asks, tell her that you are going to have her keep her toys over at your place so she has stuff to play with when she comes over.  

BrandiGra
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:04 PM
In an ideal situation for you what you are doing seems like the right thing. The awesome sm thing.

From your skids bms pov it may be seen as intrusive, overstepping and pushy.

I dont know u I dont know ur bm. I couldnt even imagine being in her place.

I agree with what the other ladies have suggested.
It seemd what u are doing is not appreciated or wanted.
Save yourself grief and disengage.

Give it a one month trial then let us know how your doing.
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