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Cafe AmyS 

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by on Feb. 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Replies (1561-1570):
rebeccasmly
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:07 AM

Hi Dana, welcome!

Quoting djindenver:

Hey all.  =)

I'm Dana, I'm 35, and I have a DS14 and a DS9.  I've been married to my DH for 2 years, and he has my SD6.  (I hope I got the abbreviations right, I tried to read up a little bit before posting)

I woud love to be a part of a group/forum where I can learn from others about how to be a better step-parent.  I struggle with resentment and frustration which I feel really guilty about - but have no control over.  I also have no one else to talk to about this particular issue so I'm hoping to get some support...whether it's someone telling me they know what I'm going through, or telling me I need to suck it up and deal.  =)

Hope to get to know you all better.
Dana 


laurahzn2boys
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:19 PM

Hi! My name is Laura. I have 2 step-sons. 10 and 6. My husband has sole physical custody and bio-mother see's them everyother weekend. (or at least when she feels like it) I am the "primary care giver" and I have been having some issues with the boys latley. By no means are my kids naughty or bad. They are very respectful compaired to most to be honest. My oldest is lying about little things ( homework, girls, ect), budding into converstions, "fathering" his little brother and other little things. My youngest is getting very mouthy, pretending sick to ty to get out of going to his bio-mothers,  or get's "sick" there and tries to come home. She has never really been in their lives and I know it hurts them. The boys and I are VERY VERY close. I have so many questions on a daily basis that I do not get answers for and it is driving me NUTS! I always feel like I am not doing enough or like I did things the wrong way. Im not gonna lie. I do sometimes get upset with the boys, but they take it with a grain of salt. It's almost like they try to take care of me. They have came up with: A real mom is the one who takes care of you. I tell them that I am the step mom and she is the one who birthed them. They always tell me they dont care I am the real Mom. Anyhow, the bio-mother is something else. She was told in court if she married her husband that she would not get to see the kids as much and that her rights were going to be temp taken to do a invstigation. ( the husband is a CSC) So, she choose to marry him and to fight for him to be around the kids and choose not to see the kids for the 4 months that this all took place. The judgement that was placed is that there is a no contact order between her husband and the kids. They are not to be in his place of residence, and if it happens, the kids words is all that is needed and she will lose all rights. Recently, the bio-mother and the husband moved into her mom's house, where the kids go on her visitation times. She told us that he goes to his mom's house when the boys come over. I play a "game" with the kids, randomly threw out the week I ask them did you and him have fun? And they tell me no they dont get to see him. Almost as if it is rehursed. They boys always tell me that the house is dirty, their little brother uses bad language, their bio-mom ( who they call by her real name) sleeps all the time and grandma does everything with them, she leaves to go see her husband and it just goes on and on and on!! They hate going there, I have explained to them that the courts say they have to and that she is their mom and they need to know her. I tell them if they can give me a honest reason to not want to go there then I will concider it but I am not gonna just take her out of their lives. They cant give me a good reason but that they dont wanna go. I recently signed my oldest up for a "adult friend"  ( counsling) and I could not sign for them to do it. I had to go hme gt my husband and my husband told me infront of them, you are their mom, you take care of them, YOU have the right to sign for them. He handed me the papers, and they made him sign next to mine. How do I get around this?! I have so many things that I do not know what to do with. That's why I signed up for this. So maybe I can get some advice on the right things to do. Please help!!!!

Mommyof3toddler
by Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 6:23 PM

Hi my name is Whitney I am a step mom of 3 beautiful toddlers that call me mommy! They are my pride and joy their mother isn't around so I am all they know but I am fine with it that way. I currently do not have kids of my own but I hope to one day! Oh and when I say toddlers I mean a 4, 3 and 2 yr olds and the last two are nine months apart!

rebeccasmly
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome to Stepmom Central! There are a bunch of awesome ladies here that can give you advice.

Quoting laurahzn2boys:

Hi! My name is Laura. I have 2 step-sons. 10 and 6. My husband has sole physical custody and bio-mother see's them everyother weekend. (or at least when she feels like it) I am the "primary care giver" and I have been having some issues with the boys latley. By no means are my kids naughty or bad. They are very respectful compaired to most to be honest. My oldest is lying about little things ( homework, girls, ect), budding into converstions, "fathering" his little brother and other little things. My youngest is getting very mouthy, pretending sick to ty to get out of going to his bio-mothers,  or get's "sick" there and tries to come home. She has never really been in their lives and I know it hurts them. The boys and I are VERY VERY close. I have so many questions on a daily basis that I do not get answers for and it is driving me NUTS! I always feel like I am not doing enough or like I did things the wrong way. Im not gonna lie. I do sometimes get upset with the boys, but they take it with a grain of salt. It's almost like they try to take care of me. They have came up with: A real mom is the one who takes care of you. I tell them that I am the step mom and she is the one who birthed them. They always tell me they dont care I am the real Mom. Anyhow, the bio-mother is something else. She was told in court if she married her husband that she would not get to see the kids as much and that her rights were going to be temp taken to do a invstigation. ( the husband is a CSC) So, she choose to marry him and to fight for him to be around the kids and choose not to see the kids for the 4 months that this all took place. The judgement that was placed is that there is a no contact order between her husband and the kids. They are not to be in his place of residence, and if it happens, the kids words is all that is needed and she will lose all rights. Recently, the bio-mother and the husband moved into her mom's house, where the kids go on her visitation times. She told us that he goes to his mom's house when the boys come over. I play a "game" with the kids, randomly threw out the week I ask them did you and him have fun? And they tell me no they dont get to see him. Almost as if it is rehursed. They boys always tell me that the house is dirty, their little brother uses bad language, their bio-mom ( who they call by her real name) sleeps all the time and grandma does everything with them, she leaves to go see her husband and it just goes on and on and on!! They hate going there, I have explained to them that the courts say they have to and that she is their mom and they need to know her. I tell them if they can give me a honest reason to not want to go there then I will concider it but I am not gonna just take her out of their lives. They cant give me a good reason but that they dont wanna go. I recently signed my oldest up for a "adult friend"  ( counsling) and I could not sign for them to do it. I had to go hme gt my husband and my husband told me infront of them, you are their mom, you take care of them, YOU have the right to sign for them. He handed me the papers, and they made him sign next to mine. How do I get around this?! I have so many things that I do not know what to do with. That's why I signed up for this. So maybe I can get some advice on the right things to do. Please help!!!!


rebeccasmly
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:35 PM

Welcome Whitney!

Quoting Mommyof3toddler:

Hi my name is Whitney I am a step mom of 3 beautiful toddlers that call me mommy! They are my pride and joy their mother isn't around so I am all they know but I am fine with it that way. I currently do not have kids of my own but I hope to one day! Oh and when I say toddlers I mean a 4, 3 and 2 yr olds and the last two are nine months apart!


lovingflamama
by Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:40 PM

Hi! I'm a mother of two, one biological and one stepchild living in Florida. The stresses of stepmother-hood are very draining and I'm doing the best I can without much support. I joined this group at the start because I have thoughts to leave my husband, I'm hoping to find the support here I am in search for from other stepmoms that have more experience than I do. I can't wait to read everyone's posts and learn a thing or two! Thank you!

rebeccasmly
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 10:58 AM

Welcome to Stepmom Central!

Quoting lovingflamama:

Hi! I'm a mother of two, one biological and one stepchild living in Florida. The stresses of stepmother-hood are very draining and I'm doing the best I can without much support. I joined this group at the start because I have thoughts to leave my husband, I'm hoping to find the support here I am in search for from other stepmoms that have more experience than I do. I can't wait to read everyone's posts and learn a thing or two! Thank you!


Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Welcome Laura!  I find it sad for those little boys that their birth mom treats them in such a way (although it sounds like they're coming through like champs and the behaviors your seeing are pretty typical kid behaviors).  You are doing a great job as their "bonus" mom.

Quoting laurahzn2boys:

Hi! My name is Laura. I have 2 step-sons. 10 and 6. My husband has sole physical custody and bio-mother see's them everyother weekend. (or at least when she feels like it) I am the "primary care giver" and I have been having some issues with the boys latley. By no means are my kids naughty or bad. They are very respectful compaired to most to be honest. My oldest is lying about little things ( homework, girls, ect), budding into converstions, "fathering" his little brother and other little things. My youngest is getting very mouthy, pretending sick to ty to get out of going to his bio-mothers,  or get's "sick" there and tries to come home. She has never really been in their lives and I know it hurts them. The boys and I are VERY VERY close. I have so many questions on a daily basis that I do not get answers for and it is driving me NUTS! I always feel like I am not doing enough or like I did things the wrong way. Im not gonna lie. I do sometimes get upset with the boys, but they take it with a grain of salt. It's almost like they try to take care of me. They have came up with: A real mom is the one who takes care of you. I tell them that I am the step mom and she is the one who birthed them. They always tell me they dont care I am the real Mom. Anyhow, the bio-mother is something else. She was told in court if she married her husband that she would not get to see the kids as much and that her rights were going to be temp taken to do a invstigation. ( the husband is a CSC) So, she choose to marry him and to fight for him to be around the kids and choose not to see the kids for the 4 months that this all took place. The judgement that was placed is that there is a no contact order between her husband and the kids. They are not to be in his place of residence, and if it happens, the kids words is all that is needed and she will lose all rights. Recently, the bio-mother and the husband moved into her mom's house, where the kids go on her visitation times. She told us that he goes to his mom's house when the boys come over. I play a "game" with the kids, randomly threw out the week I ask them did you and him have fun? And they tell me no they dont get to see him. Almost as if it is rehursed. They boys always tell me that the house is dirty, their little brother uses bad language, their bio-mom ( who they call by her real name) sleeps all the time and grandma does everything with them, she leaves to go see her husband and it just goes on and on and on!! They hate going there, I have explained to them that the courts say they have to and that she is their mom and they need to know her. I tell them if they can give me a honest reason to not want to go there then I will concider it but I am not gonna just take her out of their lives. They cant give me a good reason but that they dont wanna go. I recently signed my oldest up for a "adult friend"  ( counsling) and I could not sign for them to do it. I had to go hme gt my husband and my husband told me infront of them, you are their mom, you take care of them, YOU have the right to sign for them. He handed me the papers, and they made him sign next to mine. How do I get around this?! I have so many things that I do not know what to do with. That's why I signed up for this. So maybe I can get some advice on the right things to do. Please help!!!!


Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Welcome Whitney!

Quoting Mommyof3toddler:

Hi my name is Whitney I am a step mom of 3 beautiful toddlers that call me mommy! They are my pride and joy their mother isn't around so I am all they know but I am fine with it that way. I currently do not have kids of my own but I hope to one day! Oh and when I say toddlers I mean a 4, 3 and 2 yr olds and the last two are nine months apart!


Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:45 AM

Welcome to the group!  Can I ask why you're considering leaving your husband?

Quoting lovingflamama:

Hi! I'm a mother of two, one biological and one stepchild living in Florida. The stresses of stepmother-hood are very draining and I'm doing the best I can without much support. I joined this group at the start because I have thoughts to leave my husband, I'm hoping to find the support here I am in search for from other stepmoms that have more experience than I do. I can't wait to read everyone's posts and learn a thing or two! Thank you!


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