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Breaking Old Habits Is Hard!

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:44 AM
  • 10 Replies

 SD called last night (after bedtime) to say goodnight but also to let DH know that she has a birthday party this weekend (BM's time) and BM doesn't have money for a present right now so she's "supposed to ask" if DH can buy one for the party.

Instantly I'm thinking: are you kidding me??  Why is BM having SD ask questions FOR her, she ALWAYS does this!  OF COURSE she's calling after bedtime...ugh...We would NEVER agree to send/take a kid somewhere on OUR time and then ask the other person to pay for it... That woman just spent how munch money on all this art supply stuff (not cheap!) for SD because she 'missed' SD... BM sends 3 1/2 pounds worth of brand new pens & pencils in SDs backpack because SD wanted them (yes I weighed them & it certainly didn't help SDs organizational issues she already struggles with at school) . . . and she can't even buy a small gift for this party!!?

I even suggested to DH while he was on the phone "why doesn't she make something for the birthday girl with all her art supply & craft stuff".

I recognized I was irritated & walked away to arrange my thoughts.

Did I really have an objection to SD going to this party?  No. This same girl is very nice & just spent the night at our house this past weekend.  This isn't the case of an extracurricular activity that BM CHOSE... it's a kid in her class and the fact that it's on BMs time is no ones "fault" and socially SD shouldn't be left out.

Even though we're frugal did I really object to spending $ on a birthday present for a kid in SDs class? No, I'd do the same for my DS without thinking twice.

So what was my issue? Why was I feeling irritated at the request??? 

My issue was what I perceived as a lack of "good parenting" on BMs part, that was amplified by my quickness to bring up old issues and anger...  I'm working on worrying only about mine & DHs parenting, and NOT be judgeing others. Especially BM's.

Even though I wouldn't ask the other parent to pick up the costs, that's our personal choice. It not necessarily "the right way" so I should NOT be holding her to our standards.

Sd will be here tonight & tomorrow so we'll see what she has in mind. I'm still going to suggest making a jean purse with her(we've done it before for another friend & it was a huge hit PLUS this bday girl is big into crafts & sewing...). Otherwise we'll be making a trip to Walmart.

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Just needed to share my most recent struggle.  =) Thanks for listening.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ThePinkRobot
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this
The 3.5 pounds of pens is hilarious.
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Ms.Gwen
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:01 AM
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I think I would have gotten upset about that too... I'm not sure I would gave mentally worked through it on my own the way you did though. I'd have probobly posted a rant here and gotten my ass handed to me, lol! You should give yourself a pat on the back for not needing that.
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lilangilyn
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:03 AM

I think your reaction was normal. I know Hammy would pull this often. Even if the party was falling on her weekend, SS would ask for money on from DH on the Wednesdays they were together. He also did this about haircuts and school supplies. Special clothing for dances as well. Tickets to dances, money for flowers for the girl.

So I get the irritation. The problem that I see with all of this, including my own situation, is that once a precedent is set, it is very hard to stop. In fact, we did not stop until our lawyer told us to. And very firmly, I might add.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

 Personally I think you did a superb job in putting this in a place where it doesnt hurt YOU! Bravo!

whatIknownow
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

Very good job! I mean the thought process of recognizing the emotional reaction, and working through it.

packermomof2
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:27 AM

Even when my ex was taking the kids regularly I bought the gifts for parties.  I don't see that as a my time or his time thing... I see it as a my kids friend thing...  I agree that it isn't wrong or right, it is different ideas on how to get things done :)

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:29 AM

 

Quoting whatIknownow:

Very good job! I mean the thought process of recognizing the emotional reaction, and working through it.

 Indeed! It takes vast amounts of maturity to do this but is so worth it to your mental health!

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:48 AM

Just wanted to say that I'd be irritated too.  And, you need to put that jean purse pattern up, I'm a sewer and now you got me wondering! lol

Mommy0505
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:54 AM
2 moms liked this

I appreciate the support ladies!  My initial reaction was where I've been stuck for far too long... Honestly the realization & maturity wasn't of my doing, LOL!   That was all on Jesus =)   Relying on Him has taken practice and this was just one small victory He's helped me to accomplish...

Here's to 'hopefully' many more!

margarita time

Mommy0505
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:05 PM

It's actually not that 'technical', lol. 

We took a pair of SDs  jeans that were too small & worn in the knees.  We cut the legs off (making sure to keep the pockets intact) and hand sewed the holes with yarn on the inside. 

Then for a zipper across the top (waist opening) we used an old sundress of mine (blue/flower pattern) and simply cut about 2-3 inches away from the zipper around the entire zipper.  Then took the zipper (with flower pattern around it) and hand sewed the fabric into the waist (with yarn again).

For a strap we used more of the sundress, cut a large strip and hand sewed (with yarn in large Xs) it onto the sides of the inside of the waist.

Then the girls went crazy with fabric glue and sequence and filled all the pockets with notes to each other, lol.

Quoting sandeeyo:

Just wanted to say that I'd be irritated too.  And, you need to put that jean purse pattern up, I'm a sewer and now you got me wondering! lol


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