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WWYD? A Real Life Situation...

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:43 AM
  • 53 Replies

Just not mine.

Dad and mom are not married.  They are engaged.  They have a baby together.  When the child is 6 months old they break up.  Mom doesn't send the kid with dad except on weekends when he isn't working and even then wants him to stay close (as dad moves to another town 45 minutes away).  Dad works full time, mom doesn't.  Mom has two other kids by another man whose ex is very involved.  There is no CO.

What would you, as a potential SM, want to see happen here? (I'll tell you what did happen after I see what others think should have happened... and yes, the other kids by another involved father does matter)

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Ms.Gwen
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:54 AM
Nothing if BD is happy with his arrangement. If he starts whining and crying about not seeing his kid though I might suggest he gets COd visitation.
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whatIknownow
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:57 AM

What would I want to see happen as the new partner of the Dad? I would want my DH to get a CO so that he has legal rights to the baby. But if he moves 45 minutes away from mom, he must know his role in the baby's life will be decreased by that move.

I guess other than that I don't see anything wrong with this situation that needs fixing. Dad gets the baby on weekends when he's not working. Not sure how often those weekends are but that seems reasonable to me.

I'm not sure if you are saying that mom won't let dad take the baby now that he has moved 45 minutes away?  A motion filed for a CO would straighten that out pretty easily. 

ThePinkRobot
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:57 AM
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I don't see anything I would care about personally.
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:59 AM

First I'd tell him to get a CO in place.  If mom finds another man, or her ex moves out of state and she decides that she wants the kids to be close to her ex (because he's very involved) she could very well just up and move, dad would be SOL because she could take the kid where ever she wanted. He needs a CO.

jlg12678
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:01 AM

Dad needs a court order to establish his rights and legal visitation/child support.  I would suggest that to ANYONE in a similar situation.

I don't get why the other kids/involved ex matter. As for the distance, 45 minutes is nothing in my book.  I don't see what the huge deal is.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:05 AM

He would first have to get a CO.   Why does Mom want the child to stay close?  Is she breastfeeding still?  If not, Mom would have to get over the distance as Dad has the right to take his child to his home.

I'm trying to see what the ex and other kids have to do with this.  The normal situation would be that when visitation is established the baby isn't with Mom when Mom doesn't have her other kids.  That way they can all maintain/develop a relationship.

whatIknownow
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:07 AM

I think we need more information. I'm sensing the dad has a problem with mom's actions but I'm not sure what that problem is. Other than not having a CO, I don't see what is broken about this situation.

QueenPebz
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:11 AM
does the other father want custody and the bf wants to give it up? my father gave up rights to my two older brothers because he worked a week at a time as a truckdriver and didnt feel confident as a father, the boys adopted father was great and now my half sibs have a good relationship with my father as adults. its up to the bf to make the decision.
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pepper504
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:12 AM
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Quoting jlg12678:

Dad needs a court order to establish his rights and legal visitation/child support.  I would suggest that to ANYONE in a similar situation.

I don't get why the other kids/involved ex matter. As for the distance, 45 minutes is nothing in my book.  I don't see what the huge deal is.

This.


packermomof2
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:12 AM

The involved ex matters for a couple of reasons.  The guy in the OP uses moms and ex's relationship as an example.  There is no CO there, he comes and gets the kids whenever he wants.  There is no CS exchanged in that situation, he just helps her out with their kids when she asks. He's basing the agreement they have with their child based on the relationship she has with the other guy.  The other guy also helps out with the baby physically (as in he'll keep the kid if a sitter is needed if he already has his kids.  He has a wife also)

The guy in the OP is well aware that his move, while best for him, would limit time spent with the baby.  He trusts the mom and says he knows she is a good mom and that is why he has no problem with the arrangement.  He knows her, sees how she is with the other dad, sees how she takes care of all the kids ... he helps her out financially when she needs it.  He is on the birth certificate.

They decided this is what was best for their situation.  He, as a dad, felt mom was competent enough and trustworthy enough with their child that they agreed out of court.  I think a lot of dads are similar and not everyone wants to go the legal route.  I do think that a lot of times it is women driving things to change and a few of these answers showed that... dad is fine, mom is fine, other dad is fine... but as an outsider pretending this was a guy you were with some wanted things changed.  Dad is not seen as able to figure this out by himself...

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