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uckin'Fay utsNay! PIOG

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:57 PM
  • 17 Replies

Well the silent treatment is over.. *sigh, it was so nice!* 
Today we got an email from BM saying

"DS 1 just called me. It would be nice if you'd stop pushing your feelings about after school care onto them. The boys go through a lot of transitioning between my home and your home and I don't want to put them through that on Wednesdays and Thursdays.  If you have an issue with it then we will have to discuss it through family counseling.

Do NOT EVER have DS1 call me again with a problem, if he has something to say he can say it to my face. These are my children and you seriously just need to back off."

Where does one even start answering miss crazy pants? How would you respond?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are a few details needed to know to understand the situation.

* Dh is the Custodial parent and the children go to school by us. In Dhs and Bms CO, the children are to come to Dads house everyday after school and for Dad to drive kids to her house on Wednesdays & Thursdays by 5:30pm, if she is not home by that time they are to remain here and if it's past 7pm, she forfeits her custody time for that night.  The kids were here 5 days a week every week and she took every other weekend for about 5 months, then suddenly one day she decides that the divorce decree doesn't mean that and she arranges her schedule to pick up the boys on her custody days.  Our attorney said don't fight that one, a judge will like to see her being involved.

Now it's evolved into everyone BUT her is picking them up and they are going to a different house EVERY day on her custody days. We are fighting this in the court so as to not put the children in the middle of showing up to school and getting into altercations with whomever is there to pick them up. But as we know, court can take A LONG ASS time.

* DH isn't putting his feelings on anyone. Oldest son wants to be with his friends from school, he doesn't like being forced to go to other people's homes after school and is wanting to be at Dad's if Mom isn't home from work. It's that simple. It is also what is in the best interest of the children and what was awarded to Dh by the courts.

* How does adding in 5 other people's homes to go to after school make the transitioning any less? What kind of CrazyAid is this chick drinking?

* Oldest SS has been seeing a counselor for the physical abuse he has witnessed and been a part of from BM. During his sessions, these are some of things HE is bringing up, DH is not part of his therapy sessions. His counselor had him write down his feelings on what he wanted and his homework was to call and leave his Mom a message before their next counseling session and state what he wanted in an enviornment where she couldn't interrupt him or manipulate him.  I love how it's somehow Dhs fault, she's the one breaking the Divorce Decree and hes just supposed to be okay with it? I think not.

* Dh has asked for mediation on numerous occassions (as is required by their Divorce Decree) and BM has right out refused. She demands that they meet in Family Counseling and will only talk to him if she gets to be in the same room as him. The only problem with that? Dh has a protective order against BM because the last time they met anywhere she flew off the handle and started wailing on him with her fists. She is high conflict and DH would never subject himself to that level of abuse again. We can handle this through the court system thank you very much.

* I love how it shows her controlling nature, she wont call back and talk to DS1 and listen to him but demands that if DS1 has something to say he can say it to her face. Way to care about what your kids want lady!  A couple more year and I wont be surprised if they all together don't want to visit with her anymore except on their terms.

*The last part just kills me.. they are her kids huh? Just her kids? So they have no father? No father who has the final say on all the major issues? The father whom the kids are spend more time with than their Mother?

* I don't think it's any coincidence that she goes in for her pre-trial hearing tomorrow on the child abuse charges.

I'm not a violent person, but someone seriously needs to smack some sense into her.

P.S. Someone egged our brand new house last night while we were gone to Grandma and Grandpas. I don't think it's a coincidence that our neighbors reported someone with the same description as BMscar "hovering" around  our house (their words not mine) They called the police, didn't get a license plate number and when the cops arrived she was gone.

At Least be smart enough to not go in your own car dumb ass!

So how would you respond?

After this email it is apparent that we are getting nowhere and will most likely be filing for sole custody or atleast seeing if we can get an emergency junction until the judge gives final resolve.

We do not learn by experience, but by our capacity for experience ~ Buddha

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jenessamarie
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:01 PM

I didn't even read the details. The answer is simple: don't respond. She sent the email so she could be heard, she was and now everyone can move on. If your DH feels he did the right thing in this situation, then the next time it happens, he'll probably do it again. No point in arguing. She said what she said and it was duly noted.

YesImMomToo
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:06 PM

 Thanks- I understand it was a lot of details, but without the details your response doesn't make much sense.  Not sure what you mean by if Dh feels he did the right thing, we're in the middle of high conflict court battles and SS1 called his Mom as part of his counseling homework. BM is breaking the divorce decree and we're doing what we can to remedy it.

Doesn't make dealing with crazy any easier.

Quoting jenessamarie:

I didn't even read the details. The answer is simple: don't respond. She sent the email so she could be heard, she was and now everyone can move on. If your DH feels he did the right thing in this situation, then the next time it happens, he'll probably do it again. No point in arguing. She said what she said and it was duly noted.

 

We do not learn by experience, but by our capacity for experience ~ Buddha

simplybyheart
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:06 PM
Honestly I wouldn't reply to her... that just feeds the BMs need for attention...but document everything even if it doesn't seem important! Good luck!! I hope it gets better... and your not alone I've got a crazy BM to deal with too :( and it sad they don't even realize they are only hurting the kids
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
YesImMomToo
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:08 PM

 Very true.

It's so hard to not want to tell her that it wasn't us forcing the kid to call. But really she's broken so she's going to believe what she wants to believe. I'd rather let the judge tell her where the bears going to shit.

Quoting simplybyheart:

Honestly I wouldn't reply to her... that just feeds the BMs need for attention...but document everything even if it doesn't seem important! Good luck!! I hope it gets better... and your not alone I've got a crazy BM to deal with too :( and it sad they don't even realize they are only hurting the kids

 

We do not learn by experience, but by our capacity for experience ~ Buddha

jenessamarie
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:10 PM


Quoting YesImMomToo:

 Thanks- I understand it was a lot of details, but without the details your response doesn't make much sense.  Not sure what you mean by if Dh feels he did the right thing, we're in the middle of high conflict court battles and SS1 called his Mom as part of his counseling homework. BM is breaking the divorce decree and we're doing what we can to remedy it.

Doesn't make dealing with crazy any easier.

Quoting jenessamarie:

I didn't even read the details. The answer is simple: don't respond. She sent the email so she could be heard, she was and now everyone can move on. If your DH feels he did the right thing in this situation, then the next time it happens, he'll probably do it again. No point in arguing. She said what she said and it was duly noted.

 

Seems to apply... So your DH had SS call and BM didn't like it so emailed that response, no? Why would you reply to her email? High conflict= low contact in my book... Ugh. Fine. I'll read the damn thing.

YesImMomToo
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:12 PM

 Nope if you had read the details you woulld have read that:

* Oldest SS has been seeing a counselor for the physical abuse he has witnessed and been a part of from BM. During his sessions, these are some of things HE is bringing up, DH is not part of his therapy sessions. His counselor had him write down his feelings on what he wanted and his homework was to call and leave his Mom a message before their next counseling session and state what he wanted in an enviornment where she couldn't interrupt him or manipulate him. I love how it's somehow Dhs fault, she's the one breaking the Divorce Decree and hes just supposed to be okay with it? I think not.

There was no pressure from us to have him call, Dh didn't have him call. He called all on his own infact Dh didn't even know he had called. We're dealing with what we can through the courts, SS is having his own issues with Mom, I don't appreciate being blamed for it.

Quoting jenessamarie:

 

Quoting YesImMomToo:

 Thanks- I understand it was a lot of details, but without the details your response doesn't make much sense.  Not sure what you mean by if Dh feels he did the right thing, we're in the middle of high conflict court battles and SS1 called his Mom as part of his counseling homework. BM is breaking the divorce decree and we're doing what we can to remedy it.

Doesn't make dealing with crazy any easier.

Quoting jenessamarie:

I didn't even read the details. The answer is simple: don't respond. She sent the email so she could be heard, she was and now everyone can move on. If your DH feels he did the right thing in this situation, then the next time it happens, he'll probably do it again. No point in arguing. She said what she said and it was duly noted.

 

Seems to apply... So your DH had SS call and BM didn't like it so emailed that response, no? Why would you reply to her email? High conflict= low contact in my book... Ugh. Fine. I'll read the damn thing.

 

We do not learn by experience, but by our capacity for experience ~ Buddha

simplybyheart
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:15 PM
I know that feeling... she sounds like the type that uses the kids as an excuse to play the victim... just last week BM to my 2 SS call my DH to come over to give the boys a bath because she is prego and didn't feel good... and as their father its his responsibility... I really have to bite my tongue some times


Quoting YesImMomToo:

 Very true.

It's so hard to not want to tell her that it wasn't us forcing the kid to call. But really she's broken so she's going to believe what she wants to believe. I'd rather let the judge tell her where the bears going to shit.


Quoting simplybyheart:

Honestly I wouldn't reply to her... that just feeds the BMs need for attention...but document everything even if it doesn't seem important! Good luck!! I hope it gets better... and your not alone I've got a crazy BM to deal with too :( and it sad they don't even realize they are only hurting the kids

 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jenessamarie
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:17 PM

LOL, what? Where exactly am I blaming you or your DH for... anything? I told you I didn't read the details you listed so how *could* I blame you or your DH for anything? The first paragraph was enough.

Look, *my* reply is simple: Don't reply, there's no reason to. The. End.

Quoting YesImMomToo:

 Nope if you had read the details you woulld have read that:

* Oldest SS has been seeing a counselor for the physical abuse he has witnessed and been a part of from BM. During his sessions, these are some of things HE is bringing up, DH is not part of his therapy sessions. His counselor had him write down his feelings on what he wanted and his homework was to call and leave his Mom a message before their next counseling session and state what he wanted in an enviornment where she couldn't interrupt him or manipulate him. I love how it's somehow Dhs fault, she's the one breaking the Divorce Decree and hes just supposed to be okay with it? I think not.

There was no pressure from us to have him call, Dh didn't have him call. He called all on his own infact Dh didn't even know he had called. We're dealing with what we can through the courts, SS is having his own issues with Mom, I don't appreciate being blamed for it.

Quoting jenessamarie:

 

Quoting YesImMomToo:

 Thanks- I understand it was a lot of details, but without the details your response doesn't make much sense.  Not sure what you mean by if Dh feels he did the right thing, we're in the middle of high conflict court battles and SS1 called his Mom as part of his counseling homework. BM is breaking the divorce decree and we're doing what we can to remedy it.

Doesn't make dealing with crazy any easier.

Quoting jenessamarie:

I didn't even read the details. The answer is simple: don't respond. She sent the email so she could be heard, she was and now everyone can move on. If your DH feels he did the right thing in this situation, then the next time it happens, he'll probably do it again. No point in arguing. She said what she said and it was duly noted.

 

Seems to apply... So your DH had SS call and BM didn't like it so emailed that response, no? Why would you reply to her email? High conflict= low contact in my book... Ugh. Fine. I'll read the damn thing.

 


YesImMomToo
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:19 PM

 Sorry I could see how that came across to you..

what I mean to say is I'm tired of being blamed by BM. You are right in the best thing is to NOT respond.. it takes so much self control to not want to defend yourself however.

Sorry- this glass of wine is going right to my head. Wheee

Quoting jenessamarie:

LOL, what? Where exactly am I blaming you or your DH for... anything? I told you I didn't read the details you listed so how *could* I blame you or your DH for anything? The first paragraph was enough.

Look, *my* reply is simple: Don't reply, there's no reason to. The. End.

Quoting YesImMomToo:

 Nope if you had read the details you woulld have read that:

* Oldest SS has been seeing a counselor for the physical abuse he has witnessed and been a part of from BM. During his sessions, these are some of things HE is bringing up, DH is not part of his therapy sessions. His counselor had him write down his feelings on what he wanted and his homework was to call and leave his Mom a message before their next counseling session and state what he wanted in an enviornment where she couldn't interrupt him or manipulate him. I love how it's somehow Dhs fault, she's the one breaking the Divorce Decree and hes just supposed to be okay with it? I think not.

There was no pressure from us to have him call, Dh didn't have him call. He called all on his own infact Dh didn't even know he had called. We're dealing with what we can through the courts, SS is having his own issues with Mom, I don't appreciate being blamed for it.

Quoting jenessamarie:

 

Quoting YesImMomToo:

 Thanks- I understand it was a lot of details, but without the details your response doesn't make much sense.  Not sure what you mean by if Dh feels he did the right thing, we're in the middle of high conflict court battles and SS1 called his Mom as part of his counseling homework. BM is breaking the divorce decree and we're doing what we can to remedy it.

Doesn't make dealing with crazy any easier.

Quoting jenessamarie:

I didn't even read the details. The answer is simple: don't respond. She sent the email so she could be heard, she was and now everyone can move on. If your DH feels he did the right thing in this situation, then the next time it happens, he'll probably do it again. No point in arguing. She said what she said and it was duly noted.

 

Seems to apply... So your DH had SS call and BM didn't like it so emailed that response, no? Why would you reply to her email? High conflict= low contact in my book... Ugh. Fine. I'll read the damn thing.

 

 

 

We do not learn by experience, but by our capacity for experience ~ Buddha

YesImMomToo
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:20 PM

 

Quoting simplybyheart:

I know that feeling... she sounds like the type that uses the kids as an excuse to play the victim

Sounds like you know this type very well. :) Scary

We do not learn by experience, but by our capacity for experience ~ Buddha

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