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please help

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 3:53 PM
  • 16 Replies

i would love some help on this isseu if some one new any thing or has been there .. my fiances partner passed away a year ago he has to kids one is 7 and one is 6 and now we have a baby on the way due in  apirl any ways the 7 year old well his been acting up alot lately we dont know if his acting or is trully feeling what he says but he only seems to bring it up when he dont get his own way  so 2nite  because daddy wouldnt go upstiars to him he started to cry and say he misses his mummy agian his done this a few weeks apart now .. then he tells him that he wants to die  and stuf like that and just keeps crying out then the next day it will be like nothing happen we dont know what to do they are going to this counsiling group wiht other children we tot that would help them but im not sure if it is we havent a clue what to do or what to say or if we should get him more help ???

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 3:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SammyJK
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 6:33 PM
Maybe individual counciling.
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dbush0584
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 6:35 PM
I'm so sorry...I don't know what to easy that could help so bump for someone that maybe can.
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packermomof2
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 6:42 PM
3 moms liked this

Your fiance's partner died a year ago.  Your fiancee's kids lost their mother a year ago.  Dad is already getting remarried and having another kid.  That is a lot that is going on for those kids. 

claudiaf17
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 6:48 PM
2 moms liked this
Counseling there are lots of emotions a 7 year old may not know how to express
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ThePinkRobot
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:33 PM
I doubt he's faking. It would be the worst thing ever to lose your mom as a child. One thing goes wrong & he probably just starts falling apart. The whole family needs counseling.
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Mommy0505
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:11 PM
1 mom liked this

My guess is that, to him, dieing would take him to wherever his Mom is (who died).  He's sad.  It's been a very short period of time for him.

Acknowledge his feelings (of being sad & wanting to be by his mom).  And try to work through his feelings with him. 

At that age we sent our kids to their rooms to have "tantrums".  Crying out for not getting their way got them some alone time in their rooms... But this is a touchy subject. I'd say see a counselor, too =)

 

 

paladinmom
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:51 PM
2 moms liked this

Individual counseling is good.  One thing that your DF needs to understand is that even though he is ready to move on, the children are having a difficult time with this.  If SS needs his father, encourage your fiance to go comfort his son.  Just because DF doesn't feel the same emotions as his children, doesn't mean they shouldn't have a hard time.  There is no time table for grieving to end.  It is continual.  It does get a bit easier over time.  However, the slightest things can spur a memory, which leads to happiness, and then instantly... tears.  Trust me, I know!  It hasn't been a year since I lost my dad.  I will cry without notice, be angry about his passing without notice, or just completely shut down in a depression over it for a day or two.  I have friends who've lost a parent, 10+ years down the road... they still pick up the phone to call their lost loved one, only to realize... 

Saying he wants to die is meaning that he would give anything, even his life to see his mother again.  He could be depressed, and that needs to be looked into. 

Encourage him to talk about what he is feeling and why.  Sometimes, pictures help a child out... meaning, have him draw a picture of some memories he has with his mother and then tell you about it.  Encourage the memories.  Did Dad keep pictures around the house of their mother?  If not, you need to get some, for the kids sake.  Pictures of Mom with them, and of her alone if possible.  They don't need to be displayed around the house, just in the kids' rooms.  

from kids health dot org...

Getting More Help

As kids learn how to deal with death, they need space, understanding, and patience to grieve in their own way.

They might not show grief as an adult would. A young child might not cry or might react to the news by acting out or becoming hyperactive. A teen might act annoyed and might feel more comfortable confiding in peers. Whatever their reaction, don't take it personally. Remember that learning how to deal with grief is like coping with other physical, mental, and emotional tasks — it's a process.

Nevertheless, watch for any signs that kids need help coping with a loss. If a child's behavior changes radically — for example, a gregarious and easygoing child becomes angry, withdrawn, or extremely anxious; or goes from having straight A's to D's in school — seek help.

A doctor, school guidance counselor, or mental health organization can provide assistance and recommendations. Also look for books, websites, support groups, and other resources that help people manage grief.

Parents can't always shield kids from sadness and losses. But helping them learn to cope with them builds emotional resources they can rely on throughout life.

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” -Louisa May Alcott

raquel55x
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 4:14 AM

were not getting married yet i got pregnant well by suprise and we just tot that was the right thing to do i know its alot for them to take on  but they are happy more of the time well its just the older boy acting up the younger one is fine

Quoting packermomof2:

Your fiance's partner died a year ago.  Your fiancee's kids lost their mother a year ago.  Dad is already getting remarried and having another kid.  That is a lot that is going on for those kids. 


Kathleen69699
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 4:15 AM
Quoting SammyJK:

Maybe individual counciling.


Kathleen69699
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 4:17 AM
Quoting SammyJK:

Maybe individual counciling.


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