Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Step childern hate me and my husband is giving up

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:20 PM
  • 35 Replies

Hi, I am new to this and kind of in desperation. I to am a step parent. My husband and I have been married for four years. His kids and I don;t really have a relationship. When we first started dating, I had a good relationship with them. We would play, talk and have a good time. Since our marriage it has gone down hill. I am at a loss. My husband now, wants to leave to make his kids happy. To me I feel that is a cop out. I have suggested counceling but he hasn;t responded. We have a good relationship (so I thought) but now that he wants to leave I feel like he is giving up. Does anyone have any suggestions?

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:20 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:24 PM

Why don't you have a good relationship with his kids anymore?

Dana333810
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:56 PM

You haven't really provided us with much information to really give you any useful suggestions.

Why don't you have a good relationship with his children anymore? What happened?

Why has your relationship with your husband gone downhill?

How much does DH have his children?

Faeta
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:01 PM
hi! Welcome to the group!

there are not a lot of details, but everything you wrote could have been done by me except.. Instead of him wanting out, i do.

i dont know how old his kids are... But it took sm here to point this out to me.

when dh and i were dating... I wasnt in the house, we still played games and got to know each other. We were friends. Hubby doesnt play dungeons & dragons.. But all the kids and i do. So we did have a good friendship thing.

marriage didnt really change it. I just became a part of the house. I didnt act a parent, i was just a cool aunt.

but our problems started after my lo was born. Its just been one arguement after another over anything a baby can need.

its frustrating. His kids are all legal adults... But they act like 2 yos. Im done.

i keep trying to fix it, but just dont see how.the more it happens the less i like his kids and the less i care.

so if you get ideas.. Id love it

welcome to group!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LoriDeen
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:19 PM

Unless you can give us some more information, including examples of how the relationship with the stepchildren went south, we can't give you any advice. DId you treat the kids differently once you married their dad? Were you the disciplinarian? Did you move in with your child and disruptpt their routine?More information would be very helpful.


paladinmom
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with sandee, Dana and LoriDeen... more information on what has happened between you and his children.  Do you have any idea why your DH feels the need to leave?  

E_is_4_Ethan
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:58 PM

This

Quoting Dana333810:

You haven't really provided us with much information to really give you any useful suggestions.

Why don't you have a good relationship with his children anymore? What happened?

Why has your relationship with your husband gone downhill?

How much does DH have his children?


chanizen
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:21 PM
What are the ages of the kids.... How did it go down hill... Meaning, was it gradual... Were their personality clashes..... How often does he see them... Is there a court order?
happyblue
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:21 AM
You guys need to disengage from the kids and work on your marriage. How often do you get the kids? Unless you are custodial you can control how much negative energy you allow into your marriage from them... my advice is to sort the issues out dissect and get to the bottom of whats really wrong and fix that... If its as bunch of little things just take it day by day deciding what is a good solution to each thing... I just think in steplife its easy to get overwhelmed and make mountains out of molehills... Step bk so you can think more clearly...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:28 AM

What about doing a separation instead of a divorce as a first step.  Move out and get an apartment to yourself and go back to "dating" him for a while.  See if that improves your relationship with him, and if it helps at all with his kids.  Then maybe you can work on integrating with the kids, and see if you can figure out how to make it all work this time around.  

Because, honestly, if he's already decided he has to pick you or the kids, I'm not sure how else you'll change his mind.  

kbank67
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:30 AM
Their mother maybe told them not to like you anymore because of you marrying him.? And if he leaves he's a b!#ch. Sorry to say, KIDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO RUN PARENTS LIVES.!!!!! And if he divorces you over them, lord only knows what else they will control & he will resent them..
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)