I feel gang up by my 5 year old step daughter and her mom who doesnt have custody

[jnjetj84]

I went to school with my husband. but before our lifes crossed again i had a son who is 7 years old and daughter who is 4 years old. My son dad is very much part of his life and i get a long with his step mom we actualy hang out and are great friends, so getting along with my ex's is not the problem. I also have a 4 year old daughter who dad is non existing in her life i was married to him, but left when he found another girlfriend and has not wanted any type of relationship with my daughter. My step daughter is so horriable she will throw fits to get her way, kicking screaming so embarressing.I have set rules in my house that my children have always followed because being a single mom you had to be both mom and dad set rules for them to follow we they have a 8 o clock bedtime that needs to be meet so that they can function in school.So i find it very hard that my kids have to follow these rules but she gets away with everything she is mean to my kids will say things like i hate this family, i want it to be me and my dad again. will take things away from my daughter and be bossy and tell her if she tells she going to hit her. All i do when i do hear this is put her into the corner but when i tell her dad about it he says well i wasnt hear, so its your problem. Well hes gone at work all the time and even before i came into the picture she was raised at the babysitters house which he lived at also. The mom is suppose to get her everyother weekend but always has excuses on why she cant keep her the whole visitation time, her mom doesnt have a liscence so she has to find rides to come get her so she will use that as an excuse. He use to bring his daughter to her but i didnt think it was fair to use my car, to do her mom a favor i mean i have to manage to get my kids, so why cant she as a mother? she has gone as far as saying im no good and he needs to leave, well this is becausee the step child will make up lies to get her way, she even lies on what her dad says but since im calling her out of it he has notice that the lying has gotting bad, even at school she will tell you she didnt do anything even if you have the evidence in front of you like at school teacher said she seen her cut her hair when asked about it said she didnt but seen the hair on desk and floor, but she didnt get into any kind of trouble from her dad. She also is in reading class because she dont want to learn how to read so they put her into special class. My kids are well mannered and behavied children they know not to act like this but its hard because they think that its not fair that they get into trouble and she dont, it has gotten so bad that i have my kids sharing a room because they dont want to keep getting into trouble bc of her lies. I have gotting so upset about everything that i now make him take his daughter every where that he goes because im not a babysitter i dont get paid to deal with her attitudes. Im happy during the day except for in the moring because she dont listen to me when im telling her to get ready for shcool she does whatever she wants, and when she gets off the bus! I now dont talk to her, or take care of her in anyway shape or form, i feel like we are single parents living in one house!I cant stand his ex because she still bosses him around and he jumps up and does everything for her, big strain on the relationship when you feel second all the time! This is just some of the things being a step mom not so joyful is about thanks

[hellokittyy]

why does you s/o want you to parent his child ?

and yeah he can say he wasnt there, but there is still a pattern of behavior with the daughter from what i read?

[jnjetj84]

 I think because he was so use to the babysitter having her all the time all he did was come home and do nothing, i just want everyone to be in the same house with same rules, its not just me that has complained about this his family, my family, school! I'm having hard time keeping me an a straight line, when she not and dont get in any disapline so i feel like im the mean parent when all i want is best for my kids, its hard being a parent full time job, but just like anywhere else there are rules to be followed and if not then there is consequences

[lilangilyn]

I think this sounds like an awful situation to be in right now. I think your husband needs to grow up a little and decide to be a parent to his child. She is begging for structure and consistency. She might even miss the baby sitter, I don't know. The whole bio mom thing is another issue, but he needs to put you first and put up some boundaries around your home and life that she doesn't cross. This group may help you if you are willing to hear some hard advice. There will be good with the bad.

[VMoreno]

Quoting jnjetj84:

 i feel like we are single parents living in one house!I

This was me a few years ago, so I know the feeling well.  Until you and your SO can get on the same page parenting wise it will be this way.  It's not necessarily a bad thing.

What I'm wondering here is why are you giving this child so much head space?  You said you make her dad do everything for her except in the morning, and take her wherever he goes.  It sounds to me like you are more angry that she isn't getting comeupance for past and present things done, and the fact that he is managing without your help.  I know the feeling. 

 Also, anytime I would use that phrase, "I feel like we are single parents living in one house", in the back of my mind what I was really saying, "I am resenting the fact that you have one child and I have two.  I want help from you, but I want nothing to do with your bratty kid."  I have two children that were  2 and 3 when we merged households, and a SS who was 7 at the time.  I wanted a SO that was hands on with my children.  Their dad isn't in the picture either.  But something I would never admit to him was the fact that when we were failing eachother and doing everything seperately, was the fact that I was angry that he was getting along just fine (for the most part), without my help, and I was struggling with a 2 and 3 year old.

FInd a way to let go of the anger.  Learn to do only what you can, and most importantly, don't do anything that you will ever begrudge doing because it's not worth it if you do.  Learn to accept the fact that karma will not always catch up with your SD no matter how much you wish it would, and the fact that no matter how distasteful she is to you, she is important to your husband.  During the worst of my days I wondered how my SO could even like my SS.  I sure didn't.

Its hard to hear any advice right now.  You will mostly likely just have to go through hell and maybe back again before things get better.  It's what I had to do.

[jnjetj84]

Im ready to get any advise that comes my way because i have tried everything....done everything, im to the end of the road and the road block doesnt look pretty if you know what i mean thanks so much