What to do when ss/sd lie to everyone (including the courts) about you.....

[mamamacx6]

ss 10/sd 9 lie to anyone who will listen about me, I call them stupid-never happened, I'm mean-if cleaning up after yourself is mean then I'm mean, I yell at them-I have never so much as raised my voice, also according to them having a sit down convo is yelling. They have successfully made it court ordered that they can not see me or spend any time with me. Soon to be hubby, bm and ss/sd all went to therapy last week and admitted the untruths in front of their mom. Some progress at least. Soon to be hubby is torn, we have a child of our own and the lying is causing much heartache and issues for all. Any advice?

[WifeyC]

If they admitted they lied then he can take that back to court and have the stay away order lifted.  How long have you known the kids?  Was the divorce recent?

Stay in counseling.

[LOVLYLOVEKGS]

agree

Quoting WifeyC:

If they admitted they lied then he can take that back to court and have the stay away order lifted.  How long have you known the kids?  Was the divorce recent?

Stay in counseling.

[mamamacx6]

the divorce is in progress, the therapist tried to call the children's law guardian and speak to her that didn't go so well, our only hope now is that the therapist will write the judge a letter to take to court this week. None of this was happening on this level until we had to give up shared weekends. We had them Friday afternoon until Sunday morning, law guardian ordered every other weekend. BTW said LG is a bankruptcy atty. I have been with my htb and sc for almost 2 years. Htb did leave the ex for me, it was a abusive relationship she would call him names, hit him and smash up the house in front of children. I am sure the sc over hear convo's between th ex and her family/gf's that they shouldn't. Everyday its something new. SS lied about clogging the toilet....really???  

[DDDaysh]

I think I would just stay away from them then, and certainly wouldn't be alone with them ever.  

When/if you ever do start having contact with them, don't do ANY of the disciplining.  

[DDDaysh]

Well, the kids have had their world turned upside down.  You say Mom is abusive.  Dad obviously started all the lying by cheating, and then going an knocking up another woman while he was still married.  Where in this were the kids supposed to learn that honesty was important?  

Quoting mamamacx6:

the divorce is in progress, the therapist tried to call the children's law guardian and speak to her that didn't go so well, our only hope now is that the therapist will write the judge a letter to take to court this week. None of this was happening on this level until we had to give up shared weekends. We had them Friday afternoon until Sunday morning, law guardian ordered every other weekend. BTW said LG is a bankruptcy atty. I have been with my htb and sc for almost 2 years. Htb did leave the ex for me, it was a abusive relationship she would call him names, hit him and smash up the house in front of children. I am sure the sc over hear convo's between th ex and her family/gf's that they shouldn't. Everyday its something new. SS lied about clogging the toilet....really???  

[darmac1113]

I agree with others.  Do not be alone with them and stay in counseling.... only time will help.  These kids have been through a lot and probably just want their family back together.  It doesn't make it right though.  Therapy will hopefully teach them and help them understand that. 

[Mommy0505]

Sorry, can't wrap my mind around this in an objective way.

Those kids have two parents who are still married.  There are violent tendencies (on bm's behalf for sure) and then there you are trying to be another parent (the one who can clearly be seen as breaking up the marriage - black & white, if you weren't around daddy would probably still be with mommy)...

Sorry.  Back away.  Let them go to counseling to work out their issues... The kids are learning dishonest tendencies from their parents.  Don't put yourself into the middle of that.

When he is divorced then you can start building your life with him...

[dee2e]

I've recently had a situation where one of my SSs accused me of spanking him.  At the suggestion of a therapist, I stopped all discipline (even though it was minor don't hit your brother or shoot the dog with nerf gun type stuff).  Also my husband started spending time with each boy on their own (therapist said most likely SS didn't feel he was getting enough special time with DH). 

I'm still working on my relationship with both boys but so far it is much better.  Stay in therapy, keep talking with your HTB, and just be careful about spending one on one time with the kids until YOU are comfortable that they are ok with the current situation. 

[paladinmom]

Quoting mamamacx6:

the divorce is in progress, SERIOUSLY??? the therapist tried to call the children's law guardian and speak to her that didn't go so well, Maybe the LG thinks that the children are being coerced into saying something different thann what came out in court? our only hope now is that the therapist will write the judge a letter to take to court this week. None of this was happening on this level until we had to give up shared weekends. We had them Friday afternoon until Sunday morning, law guardian ordered every other weekend. BTW said LG is a bankruptcy atty. In most states, just because the atty who is acting as the "voice for the children" doesn't specialize in family law, doesn't mean that they don't have the training to do so.  If you DH has doubts about the credentials for being a LG... have him request to see the certifications and such.  I have been with my htb and sc for almost 2 years. So, with you and BD being together for this length of time, how much of it was while he was with STBEW?  Just curious  Htb did leave the ex for me, it was a abusive relationship she would call him names, hit him and smash up the house in front of children. At this point, I'm not sure I agree with how your relationship started, putting that aside... The children are going through a lot right now.  If they are acting out against you, you need to step back and disengage.  Let Dad take care of them over the weekends.  You just do your own thing and take care of DH.  He does the rest...  I am sure the sc over hear convo's between th ex and her family/gf's that they shouldn't. Everyday its something new. SS lied about clogging the toilet....really???  My SKs (of 7 yrs now) lie about the smallest things at times too.  We work very hard on teaching them to tell the truth.  Some days they do, others they don't.  It is a way to get attention.  Sometimes, children don't care if it is positive attention or negative attention, as long as they know they are constantly on their parents radars.... that is all that matters to them!

[Kathleen69699]

Quoting WifeyC:

If they admitted they lied then he can take that back to court and have the stay away order lifted.  How long have you known the kids?  Was the divorce recent?

Stay in counseling.