Letter says I'm not allowed on bio-Mom's property

[notsoevil]

I'm new to this so I don't know the codes to tell who's who.

I met my husband almost five years ago the night before he filed divorce papers. I was not the reason for the divorce, but bio Mom does not see it that way. Nothing is more personal than divorce, I get it, and I don't expect her to respect/like me, but this is too much.

My husband and I have been married for over a year, and I have been with him and the kids during our every other weekend visits for over three years. The kids love me, although they have been coached never to tell me so. They both have "slipped" an told me they love me once or twice, but they won't say it regularly.

I joined my husband for the drop off for the first time. I sat in the car. I did not get out of the car as the car sat in the driveway. I have never met bio Mom, only in the same room when she deposed me as part of the divorce process. Bio Mom lives with her parents.

A few days after the drop off I got a letter from bio Mom's parents saying I was not allowed on their property at any time for any circumstance. They did not even use "To:" or "Dear:" or "Sincerely,". They did not address me as Mrs. (husband's last name), or Ms. (my last name), but FIRST NAME + (last name of my ex-husband).

What a freak show! I come from a really mild mannered, non-religious, smart, nerdy family - I was the first person divorced person I met. I have no idea what type of people my step-children are living with. There is zero communication between the parents. My husband tried, but would only get responses like, "it's no surprise you make the worse possible decision for the kids at every opportunity" blah, blah, blah.

I'd like some perspective - the kids are young, I have a lifetime of this insanity. I'm just lucky they only sent thugs to harass me once many years ago.

[charliesangel23]

Simple. Have your husband park on the street to drop off the kids. There's no reason why you can't be in the vehicle while he drops them off. Their mom will probably always be like this. Just ignore her and don't let her rule your life

[sandeeyo]

Well at least they didn't address it to "the bitch that lives with that asshole"  LOL  They did use your first and married last name at least that's something. If it were me, I'd park down the street and have DH walk the kids to the house or I'd just stay away, period.  I'd be more apt to do the second rather than the first.  I mean, why add to the drama, unless you think DH is going to get ambushed or beaten up or something.

[Chrismomto5]

If they don't want you on their property and you are in the car, have your DH park on the side of the road.  No reason to fuel the drama (although this will probably do it.)  
Just focus on your family and your skids when they are there and enjoy your time with them.  Her issues with you may be that you were willingly dating a married man (regardless that his marriage was over.)  Also, depending on how quickly your DH brought you into the children's lives, she may feel that it was too quickly.  These are her issues, not yours, but I do know where she is coming from.  
My XH keeps telling me I "need to get along" with his 21yr old GF.  XH will be 30 next month.  I laugh at him and tell him that I owe that girl nothing, I don't owe her friendship, or kindness, or anything.  (Our situation is different though because the courts took most of his rights away and he can't see the kids unless it is in my home under my supervision.  Apparently I'm suppose to allow him to bring his GF with him on these visits, which he has only had ONE visit with his children in almost 2yrs)  

[whatIknownow]

I agree with the others. Best to stay off the property. Or, if possible, just let him go by himself to drop off the kids.

[newstepmom61811]

BM is wounded, you didn't do anything wrong in this situation, you stayed in the car. If I'm reading right she was a chicken shit who had her parents send you a personal letter addressing you as still married to your ex. Usually I would advise just letting it go but sometimes the first time the other party oversteps is the time to set your boundary. BM may be a mess and may have convinced she can start a campaign of being a pain in your ass, her parents may not want to go along for the ride. Since it sounds like the first time they have come after you I would set my boundary so they know you won't roll over. I would take the letter to an attorney and very simply send a certified letter correcting how they addressed you, spell out exactly your behavior and lack of contact on their property, and that you find the hostility of rhe letter harassment since they do know better your name and relationship to DH and that if they continue to initiate any hostility and harassment via mail or other contact you will seek action. Set the tone of how you will be treated. BM may want to be on this crusade, her parents may have been suckers in the deal and rethink it when they see there may be resistance against a hostility campaign.

[mamajules311]

You did nothing wrong. She is blaming you for the divorce. That's fine. Let her. Hopefully one day she will grow up. Sadly, she will probably stay this way. And may even get worse. I suggest, you either just stay home when DH drops kids off, but if you happen to be out and you're taking them home, then he just parks on the street. Do not let her get to you. It's easier said then done. I still let my step sons bio mom get to me after 6 years. But, don't let her drag you down.

[ThePinkRobot]

Cover yourself in a sheet & when bm asks your husband what you're doing on the property he should act really dumb & innocent like "What wife? Nooo there's nobody in the car! You saw it move? Mustve been the wind!".

[paladinmom]

I agree with having your DH park on the side of the street.  If they write another letter, your DH should write back stating that the street is city (or county) property, not theirs.  There is nothing wrong with staying in the vehicle while the children are walked up to the door or out to the vehicle.

[paladinmom]

Quoting ThePinkRobot:

Cover yourself in a sheet & when bm asks your husband what you're doing on the property he should act really dumb & innocent like "What wife? Nooo there's nobody in the car! You saw it move? Mustve been the wind!".

[paladinmom]

The only issue with responding is that it will give more fuel to the fire so to speak.  Taking the letter to DHs attorney is a good idea though, just so that it is on file in the atty's office (keep a copy for your files at home).  

If they continue to harass... then it needs to be addressed.  (Still by DH who is standing up for his wife and attempting to set the tone - or by the attorney.)

Quoting newstepmom61811:

BM is wounded, you didn't do anything wrong in this situation, you stayed in the car. If I'm reading right she was a chicken shit who had her parents send you a personal letter addressing you as still married to your ex. Usually I would advise just letting it go but sometimes the first time the other party oversteps is the time to set your boundary. BM may be a mess and may have convinced she can start a campaign of being a pain in your ass, her parents may not want to go along for the ride. Since it sounds like the first time they have come after you I would set my boundary so they know you won't roll over. I would take the letter to an attorney and very simply send a certified letter correcting how they addressed you, spell out exactly your behavior and lack of contact on their property, and that you find the hostility of rhe letter harassment since they do know better your name and relationship to DH and that if they continue to initiate any hostility and harassment via mail or other contact you will seek action. Set the tone of how you will be treated. BM may want to be on this crusade, her parents may have been suckers in the deal and rethink it when they see there may be resistance against a hostility campaign.