She called DH crying yesterday and said she needs him to come get SD on wednesday and keep her for a while. She said that every time she turns her back SD tries to hurt her 4 month old brother.
She's been caught poking him in the eye, trying to push him off the couch with her feet, trying to step on him, hitting him and throwing things at him.
BM said she doesn't know what to do with her and she's overwhelmed with everything. (Her baby has to have breathing treatments and she also keeps her fiance's 4 year old when she's not at work. She has a lot of other things going on)
So..we're going to get SD wednesday and I don't know how long we'll have her.
I can't believe she's been that mean to her baby brother. She's never been mean to her baby sister (my DD). :(
Maybe it's an attention thing. Either way, cross your fingers for us that this goes ok.
**UPDATE**
So we are keeping SD for a week. BM is sending her baby boy to her a mom for a couple of days and her stb SS is going back to whacko grandma for a week.
BM and her fiance found a house finally..so they can move out of fiance's aunt's house. They're using this week to get utilities set up and move everything.
As a side note-SD has strep. Awesome.
Good luck! One thing though ... shouldn't she try and focus on the relationship between her baby and her daugher by helping them bond, as opposed to watching her finance's child?
This one might backfire ... being sent off to live with you guys might actually make your SD resent the new baby even more!
I think she is so nervous with all the health problems that her baby has that she doesn't let SD be the big sister.
She doesn't have much of a choice on watching her fiance's kid. They all live with her fiance's aunt (who works late)..BM picks all the kids up from daycare and watches them until her fiance and his aunt get home.
Quoting Pero:Good luck! One thing though ... shouldn't she try and focus on the relationship between her baby and her daugher by helping them bond, as opposed to watching her finance's child?
This one might backfire ... being sent off to live with you guys might actually make your SD resent the new baby even more!
She probably feels replaced and is expressing her anger over it. Mom probably needs to encourage her to help with the baby. With my oldest, I referred to my son as "our baby" and would say, "we need to change our baby's diaper." Her job was to get the diaper and wipes. She became so protective over "her baby" that even now as teenagers, I keep having to remind her that she's not his mother and to stop hovering over him.
I feel bad for SD but there's nothing we can do about the way BM handles the situation beyond giving her advice when she asks for it. Which I did.
Quoting 1FlMom1:She probably feels replaced and is expressing her anger over it. Mom probably needs to encourage her to help with the baby. With my oldest, I referred to my son as "our baby" and would say, "we need to change our baby's diaper." Her job was to get the diaper and wipes. She became so protective over "her baby" that even now as teenagers, I keep having to remind her that she's not his mother and to stop hovering over him.
Quoting amanda_mom89:
I agree with you. But if BM isn't up for that it's not going to benefit SD to stay with her. BM has had these problems with SD before and when she asked me for advice I tried to give her ways to help SD feel included.
I think she is so nervous with all the health problems that her baby has that she doesn't let SD be the big sister.
She doesn't have much of a choice on watching her fiance's kid. They all live with her fiance's aunt (who works late)..BM picks all the kids up from daycare and watches them until her fiance and his aunt get home.
Sorry, still don't get it. It's great you can keep SD and you should ... but that won't eliminate the problem, especially since you say you guys didn't have the same experience. So the issue lies at her house, and might also be connected to having to first share with the finance's kid and then the new baby.
Fiance should take a couple of weeks off, take care of his child and half of the baby, and BM should take care of SD and half of the baby, so all kids feel loved and wanted.
also, I am thinking this is fairly normal behavior for a child, and most of us don't "get to" ship our child off when things get intense... From a BM POV, I think she should deal with her own choices. However, I can see why your DH would want more time with his DD, so in that regard I think it's great for him... For SD? I dunno... I'm thinking she might be hurt by this.
Quoting Pero:Good luck! One thing though ... shouldn't she try and focus on the relationship between her baby and her daugher by helping them bond, as opposed to watching her finance's child?
This one might backfire ... being sent off to live with you guys might actually make your SD resent the new baby even more!
Quoting Pero:
Quoting amanda_mom89:
I agree with you. But if BM isn't up for that it's not going to benefit SD to stay with her. BM has had these problems with SD before and when she asked me for advice I tried to give her ways to help SD feel included.
I think she is so nervous with all the health problems that her baby has that she doesn't let SD be the big sister.
She doesn't have much of a choice on watching her fiance's kid. They all live with her fiance's aunt (who works late)..BM picks all the kids up from daycare and watches them until her fiance and his aunt get home.
Sorry, still don't get it. It's great you can keep SD and you should ... but that won't eliminate the problem, especially since you say you guys didn't have the same experience. So the issue lies at her house, and might also be connected to having to first share with the finance's kid and then the new baby.
Fiance should take a couple of weeks off, take care of his child and half of the baby, and BM should take care of SD and half of the baby, so all kids feel loved and wanted.
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- amanda_mom89
on Feb. 14, 2012 at 10:54 AM