DH won't allow her to know where we live so since she is staying 40min away at her brothers and sisters homes we are going to set up to meet on Saturday. but here is my deal, she already ruined our weekend get away and Saturday has ALWAYS been MY sleep day. My girls are always at their dad's house on Saturdays so I take the day to play catch up on sleep from my graveyard shifts, and to catch up on homework. I have never met this woman, and i've been with my dh and his boys for 2 years. I've never even spoke to her on the phone. I really don't feel like it, but deep down I know it's going to have to happen eventually. I'm a judgemental person, and what she has done to DH and the boys is enough to make me drop my jaw and want to punch a wall (I've read the detailed police and court documents) and just the fact that she calls once a month (if that sometimes its 4 months) and hasn't tried to see them in 4 years really bothers me. Her own mother told me on Saturday when I was picking up the boys from her house "Did you know the b*!ch is coming to town" Thats her own mother! she has screwed over most of her family no one wants to deal with her other than the other users of the group. Me and the youngest (he is 5 and hasn't seen his mom since he was 6mo old) are just now finally connecting (he is a big daddys boy) and the 9 year old is just getting adjusted. I don't know if I really should go to this meet with them or stay back at home. I know that once i'm there I'm just going to be outcasted by the boys and her which is no biggie to me but i feel selfish in going I want to rest while you guys are all out of the house. I just don't know what to do.
Honestly, if I were in your position, I would keep my happy little ass home. It's NOT selfish!!!! You can avoid all of that tension and ostracism all together by just doing what you normally do - Staying home, sleeping, doing homework, house work, ect. Think of it as time for yourself, to get YOUR stuff done.
You don't have to go, and my advice is not to. I think you'd be happier if you didn't. I know I would be! I mean, I'm sure BM is a real peach and you'd have so much fun meeting her (insert sarcasm here) but you could get a lot more accomplished by just staying home.
Quoting Quinn525:
Why would you go? I would think that would be an excuse to start drama. Its her visitation and why would you need to be involved?
I think you should stay home and sleep. This meeting is for the kids to meet their mom. It's not necessary for you to be there, I'm sure their father can handle it.
You absolutely stay home. Another thing you should do is tell your DH to make sure he JUST drops off the kids and no real talking about shit with BM. A "see you at pick-up" will suffice. You tell him not to run home telling you all about how BM looked...what she said...who she brought....NOTHING. Make that clear.
I learned a long time ago that it wasnt enough for ME to just disengage from all the BM drama, but to also teach my DH what state of mind I wanted to stay in. If it was not life or death.....I didnt want to hear about it.
Quoting Dana333810:Honestly, if I were in your position, I would keep my happy little ass home. It's NOT selfish!!!! You can avoid all of that tension and ostracism all together by just doing what you normally do - Staying home, sleeping, doing homework, house work, ect. Think of it as time for yourself, to get YOUR stuff done.
You don't have to go, and my advice is not to. I think you'd be happier if you didn't. I know I would be! I mean, I'm sure BM is a real peach and you'd have so much fun meeting her (insert sarcasm here) but you could get a lot more accomplished by just staying home.
I don't want any drama thats why I want to stay home. The only reason why I want to go is one to even meet and introduce myself to her. I have been raising her boys for the last two years and have never even spoken to her on the phone. We haven't told the boys in case it was another one of her empty promises but she called and talked to the 9 year old today and let the cat out of the bad. Unfortunally for the next two weeks Dh relized that we are going to have backlash/emotional issues from them b/c we know the 9 year old wants to leave (He complains to his grandma that we require him to sit and do homework over playing outside, and has threatened to run away) I know she is "trying" to change her life and if she is I'm more open to her visiting more; my girls father is heavly involved in their lives and the boys are jelous of this. But I don't know what type of person she is and until then I won't even allow her to know where we live.
There is NO UNSUPERVISED visits for BM either she has kidnapped them 4 times in the past. I talked to DH this evening about it and told him I don't feel like going and he made the comment "I wish I didn't have to either" she is trying to "self" invite herself to Church on Sunday with us but she has kidnapped the boys twice from there a few years back. our Church set up heavy security b/c of those incidents but DH told her that he would think about it. Our thing is between bible study, and regular service combined for 3 hours we don't see the kids they do their own thing with the kids group. and DH plays bass in our praise band so he is on stage for most of the morning. I usually don't go to his service at 11am (I go to our 8am so I can come home and sleep while the rest of the house is out) but I told him I can go so we can keep an eye on her. She knows that he is in the band and sits on stage most of the day; We can't expect to much but worry.
OT:what's in your purse? :)
- Cambriagurlmom
on Feb. 15, 2012 at 6:12 AM