Issues dealing with the ex-what to do any suggestions?
Alright I hate to become part of this wonderful site and start off with a sour approach and question, but I have been a step-mom for about 8 years this year. My step-sons mom is so crewl and has driven me so far from my husband and step-son. The only solution I find is to leave and remove myself from the ongoing issue. Anyone have any suggestions willing to hear anything at this point..
What can she possibly be doing to drive you away? Can you give examples please?
Then I can better understand. :)
Need more info to give you advice. Why isn't your husband putting his foot down and telling her to mind her own business. What goes on in your home is none of her concern, just like what goes on in her home is none of your DH's concern unless the children are being mistreated and abused/neglected.
Quoting Jennisess:
My DH's ex recently tried to pit he and I against each other by saying he sided with her on some things she asked him about in regard to comments I made. While I know her intent was to try and drive a wedge between us and to get me to distrust my DH, I asked him to tell me the truth, even if it would upset me, and then when he did and it was contrary to what she said, I called her on it with my DH copied on the correspondence and told her we were a unified front. He could see what she was trying to do but sometimes cuts her some slack because he wants to keep peace with her. The things she's trying to do to me are the same things she's tried to do to other people in her life. While I don't know your specifics what I can say is this: marriage is not a game, but people who try to ruin your marriage because theirs didn't work out will play like it is. If you let her break up your home, she's won. I don't let myself be driven away from what's mine, I fight for it, and with every push back she has less and less power over how DH responds to her.
Quoting yolanda_colby:
She has always treated me like garbage and does three way communication instead of dealing with stuff like transportation she constantly wants to talk to the husband to "figure out" stuff while I have to be the one to make the transportation and she's always the victim in the courts eyes so she pretty much gets what she wants example my husband got a new job in auburn WA working for Boeing we agreeed to meet her in the middle of our counties to make both trips fair but instead I have been having to drive 2 hrs and her 30 mins I have other kids too but her kids were the only children considered :(
The reason she can get between you is because she can. It sounds like both you and DH to at least some extent communicate with her. That communication can get entangled. There is nothing wrong with her communicating with just DH about SS, he's their child. On the flipside though, if what they figure out for their kid doesn't work for you, it may sound harsh but it's true and a way to get DH to step up to the plate and take some of the workload off of you...think "not my kid, not my problem" their miscommunication or poor planning does not constitute your emergency. They somehow figured things out before you and they can again if you back off a little. It sounds like the problem is how enmeshed all of you are together...that turns into a big tangle. The one who can back out is you. Once you back away a little and take care of you and yours it allows/forces DH to either deal with getting walked on by BM or he learns to find his backbone and deal with her, either way, she no longer is your problem, and really that's how it should be, after all she is DH ex, not yours...
Quoting yolanda_colby:
This is true why does it hurt so bad all these things are true but reading them just makes me want to back out for good I don't resent their past relationship at all I feel constantly walked on by her and it has drawn a wedge between us him and I the only solution that pops in my head is remove myself. I don't mean to treat my husband bad like not being happy or affectionate I just feel anger and resentment towards him :(
OT:what's in your purse? :)
- yolanda_colby
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 5:08 PM