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Why do you call yourself a "Step-Mom"???

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:28 AM
  • 303 Replies
6 moms liked this

 I'm just curious. Why do some of you women refer to yourself as the "step-mom" when you aren't even married to the BF? I just read yet another post where the OP has been with the BF almost 18 months and suddenly she is "step-mom". Noooooo, you are BF's girlfriend, lady-friend, lover, whatever but *you* are NOT the step-mom to these kids.

Yes, there's a difference. A step-mom implies that you have commited yourself legally to the BF and I do think it's an important title that actually has (or should have) meaning behind it.

A step-mom is generally taken more seriously than a girlfriend. IMO.

I'm sure you all have your own opinions so let's hear them!   :)

by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this

 I hold the title stepmom because society gave it to me the minute I became married to a man with a child. Even with that, I still look at my self as dads wife where it pertains to SS.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:32 AM
3 moms liked this

I agree, I don't consider the girlfriend to be a "stepmom" but... it's the terminology they use here. Whatever.

I find it particuarly annoying when it's a "SM" who swears up and down she's a "mom" to the kids. Really? you can't even make a commitment to their father but you are making a life-long commitment to kids, to whom you have no legal connection at all?

Again... whatever.

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:34 AM

 You married the BF so you are his step-mom:) I'm referring to the women who are dating the BF and immediately refer to themselves as the step-mom.

Quoting baparrot2:

 I hold the title stepmom because society gave it to me the minute I became married to a man with a child. Even with that, I still look at my self as dads wife where it pertains to SS.

 

Dana333810
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:37 AM
2 moms liked this

Hey, to each their own. I personally didn't call myself a SM when I wasn't married to DH, but some do. I think it just depends on the person. I think it's ridiculous for a girlfriend who's only been with her boyfriend for a short amount of time to consider herself a SM, but I don't personally see anything wrong with it if they've been together for a good, decent length of time and they plan on staying together for the long haul.


Amy1973Potts
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:47 AM
4 moms liked this
Stepmom is a legal term, absolutely. But I think if you have been in a long term relationship with the father of the kids, like 5+ years, own a home that both your names are on,
that signifies SOME level of commitment, but doesn't neccessarily make you a stepmom. If you were in the same relationship after ten years but never married, for
consentual reasons, I can see it then- yes, you would be a
stepmother. But that is just how *I* see it.

Is
it the VOWS or the legal signatures that make one a
stepmother? Which is it? You can't have it both ways.


What about states where there is common law
marriage after a certain amount of cohabitation time? State
recognizes it to some extent but strangely enough no
divorce is required...you just break up...how does that
make sense? Lol (there is more to it than that but you see
what I'm getting at).

I am just daddys
girlfriend. I never claim to be anything more. I do not covet
the children. When we get married I will most likely refer
to them as my husbands children. Because that is the truth.
Its an accurate way to describe and identify them. I like
them very much and they like me very much. They have
told me they love me several times. I love them like I love my friends. I dont kid or delude myself about anything nor do I wear rose colored glasses. Whatever we are doing, the four of us, is working very well. I assume that will change and adjust as they get older. We prepare for that as well.
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KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:48 AM
4 moms liked this

Maybe they do it to make themselves "feel" more committed than they actually are.  Maybe they want to be married to their boyfriends, but haven't been asked.  So they "up" the level of commitment by making themselves a stepmom.  It's the new spin on getting pregnant to trap a man....LOL. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:54 AM


Quoting KnowItAll:

 It's the new spin on getting pregnant to trap a man....LOL. 

Yes, I think you nailed it.

Amy1973Potts
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:56 AM
I reallllly like how you put that. Hit the nail on the head. I'm sick as hell (again!) and my brains are still on shuffle. Need more coffee. And water. And advil.


Quoting KnowItAll:

Maybe they do it to make themselves "feel" more committed than they actually are.  Maybe they want to be married to their boyfriends, but haven't been asked.  So they "up" the level of commitment by making themselves a stepmom.  It's the new spin on getting pregnant to trap a man....LOL. 


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baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this

 True. But we shacked up for 9 years before marriage. My DH considered me a SM. SS considered me his SM. I was the only one who wasnt on board! LOL

Quoting chasinrainbows:

 You married the BF so you are his step-mom:) I'm referring to the women who are dating the BF and immediately refer to themselves as the step-mom.

Quoting baparrot2:

 I hold the title stepmom because society gave it to me the minute I became married to a man with a child. Even with that, I still look at my self as dads wife where it pertains to SS.

 

 

pseudomamma
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2012 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with you. 

IMHO......It's hard on a child when BD's got a girlfriend that they've been told to call step-mom, then suddenly one day, she's gone.  In a young mind, a mom figure is gone.  That's pretty hard to process.  Then the flip side.  New month, new 'stepmom'.  But after their married, it's a little harder to get out of it.  It's not something that should be handed out to just anyone.

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