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so irritated

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:25 PM
  • 10 Replies

so just for an example. We had my sd over night, it was our weekend. She woke up at 6, pretty normal, crawled into bed with dh and I to cuddle. She asked me for a drink of water, dh says no. It has been over 10 hours, she is probably thirsty. She gets a drink anyway.... and dh goes off. Saying how we BOTH need to listen when he says no. OMG it was a freaking drink of water, and I said so. I believe I said it is water, what is it going to hurt,  It isn't like she was bouncing on his head and I told her to keep going.... 

I am so sick of being lumped in with the children. I am not a child, haven't been for a while, and am infact his wife and another caregiver of HIS children. We had an incident about 2 weeks ago, when he did the same thing with me and his son. This time I got "in trouble" for telling his 14 year old son to leave me alone, what he was saying wasn't funny, in fact hurtful and the fact that it had gone on for 2 days was two days too much! and I got yelled at. So sorry, I just won't do anything with "your" children anymore. Makes me not want to have my own children with him (all I have ever wanted). If he is going to treat me like this with my step kids, how do I think it is going to be when we share a child.....


Sorry, so long, just needed to get it out.  

by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
thatislife
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:31 PM
1 mom liked this

He sounds like he could be abusive, really.  There is something very scary in the demeaning way he is addressing you.  What have his past relationships been like?  I think you would be very wise to examine this relationship carefully and for a long time before having kids with him.  Is there a big age difference between you and dh?

swmmra
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:34 PM

there are 11 years between us. the only time that he says these things, or treats me this way is when it comes to "his" kids. just irritating, I don't believe it is abusive. 

chanizen
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 5:58 AM
2 moms liked this
Sweetie, you must be incredibly dense if you think you are going to talk to me that way. I am an adult and I'm not going to stand by while you neglect your child and refuse to give her water. Nor is your 14 year old son allowed to speak to me that way.

When did you start thinking it was ok for you to tell me, a grown woman, what to do? You seriously have another thing coming if you think I will tolerate that for even one more second....

......And then, the next time he does it.... "you poor widdle baby. Is no one listening to the big bad words you are saying?"

Seriously, I don't put up with shit like that. Nor would I expect my dh to. He is a a grown man. He deserves respect. So do I.
Faeta
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 8:23 AM
my dh is 16 years older than me and he does occasional try to treat me like a kid instead of an adult when it comes to his kids v our daughter.

it will NOT get better if you have one with him. In fact, me having one (and oh god another on the way...wtf birth control, condoms, and breastfeeding...why did you let me down?) just has me terrafied on how much worse it will get before the divorce.

dh use to say little things like that to me, which surprised me cause i never did anything to be a parent. For example, if his kids asked if they could go somewhere id ask em "what did your dad say?" or "would it be okay with him?" etc

but if they didnt ask him (who am i to stop kids from going to a friends house and verifying with dad) and he wanted them home... Kids told him i said it was okay. So *i* got in trouble.

fastforward to a little one in the house. Sk are jealous of her and any baby thing she gets.

we go out.... Like our last trip to cedar point. Dh gives his sons all money to spend. I dont get any, and
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Faeta
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 8:28 AM
i wasnt allowed to get my daughter anything.

we even talked cause what i wanted to get her was a stuffed puppy thing for like 5 dollars. She lit up when she saw it.

i was like "im not sure how to get it, cause they yell at me if i get her baby food and nothing for them. They got spending money, she didnt"

dh was like dont worry...just get it latr

later came, but sk didnt want to stop by the shop again.... And since they didnt want to, i wasnt allowed to.

i keep trying to make it work. It doesnt do anything.

their wants are what mater. My wants and my daughters needs are an afterthought if considered at all.
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chanizen
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 8:52 AM
Faeta,my friend, get your exit plan together. That is not normal. By a long shot. I would be buying things and returning them for cash. Would be getting counselling and legal advice. This man is confused. You are not his child. Nor are you in slavery nor an indentured servant. You should not be begging for money.

That is not ok.


Quoting Faeta:

i wasnt allowed to get my daughter anything.



we even talked cause what i wanted to get her was a stuffed puppy thing for like 5 dollars. She lit up when she saw it.



i was like "im not sure how to get it, cause they yell at me if i get her baby food and nothing for them. They got spending money, she didnt"



dh was like dont worry...just get it latr



later came, but sk didnt want to stop by the shop again.... And since they didnt want to, i wasnt allowed to.



i keep trying to make it work. It doesnt do anything.



their wants are what mater. My wants and my daughters needs are an afterthought if considered at all.

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Faeta
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 11:20 PM
i have one, just killing time til i can get my job transfer. I keep hoping it would get better once the kids move out (the last two have plans to dorn next semester) but seeing how he acts with the one already in a dorm... Nothing will change. Im just not gonna let my kids grow up thinking they are worthless.
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zannahdeux
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2012 at 11:56 PM
Quoting chanizen:

Sweetie, you must be incredibly dense if you think you are going to talk to me that way. I am an adult and I'm not going to stand by while you neglect your child and refuse to give her water. Nor is your 14 year old son allowed to speak to me that way.

When did you start thinking it was ok for you to tell me, a grown woman, what to do? You seriously have another thing coming if you think I will tolerate that for even one more second....

......And then, the next time he does it.... "you poor widdle baby. Is no one listening to the big bad words you are saying?"

Seriously, I don't put up with shit like that. Nor would I expect my dh to. He is a a grown man. He deserves respect. So do I.



I am in the same boat. Dh is 10 years older than me and I had to work this out with him too. He kept lumping me in with the kids. Call him out on it immediatly!. Tell him when he can speak to you like an adult you will discuss what ever it is with him.

On another note you really should not go against what he says...you should be a united front other wise you undermind him and that is never good. You would never want him to do that to you.If he says no water then it's no water...or suggest she get it herself next time....good luck!
ShannaBee
by on Mar. 6, 2012 at 12:01 AM
What a.douche. Was he always thay way?
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natacha78
by on Mar. 6, 2012 at 12:02 AM
Good for you! I wish you the very best because you and your kids deserve better


Quoting Faeta:

i have one, just killing time til i can get my job transfer. I keep hoping it would get better once the kids move out (the last two have plans to dorn next semester) but seeing how he acts with the one already in a dorm... Nothing will change. Im just not gonna let my kids grow up thinking they are worthless.

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