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How do you do birthday parties for your stepkids?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 5:02 PM
  • 19 Replies

I'm curious to know how the rest of you do birthday parties for your skids. Do you do separate birthday parties than BM? Do you do a joint party? Does BM and BD both do one and invite the other parent?

We have always done separate parties for the skids. Well, we always did one and BM promised to do one but never did. Last year when we did SD's party in April we were getting along pretty good with BM so she asked if we could do a joint party. We agree as long as she'd split half the cost of decorations and supplies and help buy food. Well the day I went shopping for the supplies I went by her house to get half of the money, she supposedly didn't get paid on time so she didn't have it. It was the only day I could go so I went ahead and went shopping for the stuff. I spent over $100 and BM said she would pay me back later that week. Well that day came and went and there was some excuse. Finally a week later she gave us $20 and said that's all she could do but that she would get the cake, drinks, and a few other things. The day of the party she calls because her car had broken down and needed a ride. I go to get her and she had gotten a cake and 3 two liter drinks. We had about 30 people including kids so there was no way that would be enough. I stopped by the store and she said that she only had $2 so she couldn't get anymore. So I got more drinks and the hotdog and hamburger buns that she was supposed to get. We went on and had the party. She didn't even bring her daughter a gift (keep in mind this party had been planned for 2 months) but took credit for the party and gifts anyways. SD never got her gift.

SS's party last year was the same thing pretty much only she planned it so I told her that she could get the decorations and food and we'd get the cake and drinks. She went to the Dollar Tree and then called last minute to ask me to get half of the supplies stuff that she "forgot". There wasn't even enough food for everybody. She also never got SS a gift and this was in September.

So this year I am already planning a nice party for SD. She is wanting a bowling party so that's what we're doing for her and I told DH that BM is not invited this year. I am not going to bust my ass to give SD a nice party and then have BM come and get half the credit for doing NOTHING. I think it works better in our situation for us to do our thing ourselves and let BM do nothing by herself.

by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 5:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
FloridaMomma
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 5:05 PM
Sounds fine.
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chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 5:39 PM

 I throw my kids a party and always have. My ex lives over 4 hours from us but my daughter's bday is around Christmas (and he gets them) and my son's bday is around Spring Break (and he gets them). They NEVER throw them a party or even get a cake. My ex didn't do it when we lived there. I think it's sad. I ALWAYS threw my SD (ex's daughter) a bday party when I was married to him. My ex & his new wife have 3 kids altogether beside my 2 here. Those 3 kids always have a bday party.

In your case, is the BM REALLY that broke?

Marie9076
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 5:47 PM
Sometimes she has been but for the most part she just can't manage money. She will go get her nails done (show them off to SD) and then call and say she has no gas to pick her up. Stuff like that. Year before last she went to Louisiana to see her family there for 4 days. That was her "bday gift for herself". Then a week later (literally) she was to broke to get SS anything for his bday and never did that year. No party, cake, gift, nothing! He was so upset.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

 I throw my kids a party and always have. My ex lives over 4 hours from us but my daughter's bday is around Christmas (and he gets them) and my son's bday is around Spring Break (and he gets them). They NEVER throw them a party or even get a cake. My ex didn't do it when we lived there. I think it's sad. I ALWAYS threw my SD (ex's daughter) a bday party when I was married to him. My ex & his new wife have 3 kids altogether beside my 2 here. Those 3 kids always have a bday party.


In your case, is the BM REALLY that broke?


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chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 6:41 PM

 Well it's up to you whether you invite her or not. I wouldn't even try to split anything anymore...even if you do invite her. Then she cannot take credit for anything. I know it's not supposed to be about who gets "credit" but when one person is really covering everything then no, someone else should not be able to ride in on their white horse & claim the credit. Your SK's surely notice their Mom not doing for them. I also cannot imagine not having gas to go see my kids. That's ridiculous.

Quoting Marie9076:

Sometimes she has been but for the most part she just can't manage money. She will go get her nails done (show them off to SD) and then call and say she has no gas to pick her up. Stuff like that. Year before last she went to Louisiana to see her family there for 4 days. That was her "bday gift for herself". Then a week later (literally) she was to broke to get SS anything for his bday and never did that year. No party, cake, gift, nothing! He was so upset.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

 I throw my kids a party and always have. My ex lives over 4 hours from us but my daughter's bday is around Christmas (and he gets them) and my son's bday is around Spring Break (and he gets them). They NEVER throw them a party or even get a cake. My ex didn't do it when we lived there. I think it's sad. I ALWAYS threw my SD (ex's daughter) a bday party when I was married to him. My ex & his new wife have 3 kids altogether beside my 2 here. Those 3 kids always have a bday party.


In your case, is the BM REALLY that broke?


 

mamajules311
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 6:54 PM
For my DD her BF and I always go in together together and do 1 party for her. It's nice for her to have everyone there. My SS we always ask his BM if she would like to do a combined party and she declines. Even if we just invite her and family she declines.
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momofcg
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 6:59 PM
We don't do anything with bm. Just had my sons party and we always have a party with me his dad and stepdad and all the presents are from all of us. We feel we are all a family no matter if everyone else thinks this is odd. Also I am pregnant and my ex has already offered to babysit, most people think that is very odd. Even if bm offered is never allow it lol
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angelmommy2806
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 7:00 PM
We're custodial so we do the parties. As far as inviting bm in our house it won't happen. The most ss10 got from her was a card, sd didn't even get one.
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rose0919
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 7:25 PM

bm never had a bd party for ss. she does a huge one for her dd every year but never for her son. so df and i had a party  last year for him. df made the mistake of telling bm and she wanted to take over. um no it was at my home she never did it befor and we are paying for it. we invited some of his friends from school and a bunch of our friends . she didnt need to be around my gfs they have all seen what she is like and it wouldnt have been pretty. she didnt even get him a gift for his bd last year and when he went home she was mad at him. for not bringing his gifts home. sorry what he gets here stays here. it was mostly things he  could use with his father anyway(a lot of fishing stuff)some clothes and some toys. this year was her turn to have a party. on his bday df called to wish him a happy bday and he was crying. she did nothing for him again. no cake not even happy birthday cause she forgot. df got bm on the phone and asked how she forgot . she said it wasnt her priority cause  dd had cheeleading!!!.  we did a cake and coffe thing  the next weekend we had him and will do a half  birthday  party for him . a back yard camp out. and again she was mad he didnt bring his gifts home(she has a habit of selling  his things  that we buy)

she will never come to our home she said its to far and we live in the slums so she is afraid  to come. i just laugh yes we live in a city but it is a very middle class area all private homes large yards. and very quiet. she lives in a trailorpark that has drug raids at least once a month . its always on the news.


Marie9076
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 7:40 PM
WOW! How do you forget your own child's bday. That is ridiculous. BM never forgot, she always calls or something but she keeps promising to get them a gift later but never does. We never put one child as a "priority" over another especially for something like that. She sounds like a real headache. BM tries that crap with us about the gifts. Since SS lives with her she asked if his Christmas stuff we got him could go over there, we said yes since it was mostly clothes and he can wear them for school, and he grows so fast. Well SD lives here and when she wanted to bring a pair of jeans her mom's friend got for her home with her and she said NO! I told her that was BS and so DH told her he'll never send anything over there for SS again.
Good luck to you!


Quoting rose0919:

bm never had a bd party for ss. she does a huge one for her dd every year but never for her son. so df and i had a party  last year for him. df made the mistake of telling bm and she wanted to take over. um no it was at my home she never did it befor and we are paying for it. we invited some of his friends from school and a bunch of our friends . she didnt need to be around my gfs they have all seen what she is like and it wouldnt have been pretty. she didnt even get him a gift for his bd last year and when he went home she was mad at him. for not bringing his gifts home. sorry what he gets here stays here. it was mostly things he  could use with his father anyway(a lot of fishing stuff)some clothes and some toys. this year was her turn to have a party. on his bday df called to wish him a happy bday and he was crying. she did nothing for him again. no cake not even happy birthday cause she forgot. df got bm on the phone and asked how she forgot . she said it wasnt her priority cause  dd had cheeleading!!!.  we did a cake and coffe thing  the next weekend we had him and will do a half  birthday  party for him . a back yard camp out. and again she was mad he didnt bring his gifts home(she has a habit of selling  his things  that we buy)

she will never come to our home she said its to far and we live in the slums so she is afraid  to come. i just laugh yes we live in a city but it is a very middle class area all private homes large yards. and very quiet. she lives in a trailorpark that has drug raids at least once a month . its always on the news.



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Marie9076
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 7:44 PM
Yeah we try not to worry about who gets credit but when SD was telling her friend about the awesome party her mom helped us have her and the gifts that BM got for her, it hurt my feelings and irked me too. They do notice and get upset momentarily and then go back to defending her. I guess maybe its easy than accepting her for how sorry she is? It just gets frustrating... I don't see any more "joint" parties anytime soon. I agree, there's no way i'd not find a way to see my kids especially if it was only EOW.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

 Well it's up to you whether you invite her or not. I wouldn't even try to split anything anymore...even if you do invite her. Then she cannot take credit for anything. I know it's not supposed to be about who gets "credit" but when one person is really covering everything then no, someone else should not be able to ride in on their white horse & claim the credit. Your SK's surely notice their Mom not doing for them. I also cannot imagine not having gas to go see my kids. That's ridiculous.


Quoting Marie9076:

Sometimes she has been but for the most part she just can't manage money. She will go get her nails done (show them off to SD) and then call and say she has no gas to pick her up. Stuff like that. Year before last she went to Louisiana to see her family there for 4 days. That was her "bday gift for herself". Then a week later (literally) she was to broke to get SS anything for his bday and never did that year. No party, cake, gift, nothing! He was so upset.



Quoting chasinrainbows:


 I throw my kids a party and always have. My ex lives over 4 hours from us but my daughter's bday is around Christmas (and he gets them) and my son's bday is around Spring Break (and he gets them). They NEVER throw them a party or even get a cake. My ex didn't do it when we lived there. I think it's sad. I ALWAYS threw my SD (ex's daughter) a bday party when I was married to him. My ex & his new wife have 3 kids altogether beside my 2 here. Those 3 kids always have a bday party.



In your case, is the BM REALLY that broke?



 


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