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Advice for a brand new stepmom!! I need your thoughts!

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2012 at 6:52 PM
  • 3 Replies

So here is the deal, I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 months. He has 2 kids (one biological daughter who is 7 and and son who is 12, whom his ex had previously that he adopted). They are in the process of divorce, but have been separated for the past two years. His ex-wife has a boyfriend she has been with for the past year, but has made the process of divorce very difficult. My boyfriend loves both of the kids very much and is such an incredible father. The issue is that he has been "too nice". I know what you are could he be too nice, but he is such a good man, that he puts those kids first above everything else. This is why I fell in love with him. The issue is this: his ex doesn't want to work (even though both kids are in school all day) and therefore he has been not only supporting the kids financially, but he still supports his ex financially as well. He pays the mortgage and all of her bills. She is always asking him for money, which he supplies, but then he claims its for the good of the kids. Am I missing something here? I just get scared that this is a redflag for what I will be dealing with in the future. 

I know that our love is new, and I am taking it very slow with him. I have never felt this way about anybody in my life, but already have so many doubts about how this is all going to pan out? I am scared, frustrated, sad, lonely, and sometimes feel selfish for feeling these feelings..when he is the one going through the trauma of divorce! I myself have never been married and I don't have any kids. I am 30 and ready to embrace having a family...but just worry that I will always be placed last in his life. He assures me this isn't the case, but how could it not be?

Are there any other new stepmom's out there who have gone through anything similar? I would love to hear your feedback.

by on Mar. 6, 2012 at 6:52 PM
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by on Mar. 6, 2012 at 11:58 PM
welcome to the group!! Feel free to view some of my posts/intro for insight into marrying a man 16 years old who has kids, and then us having one (and another on the way, damn you birth control).

now my dh has had full custody of the kids and bm was not in the pic. She didnt want sons.

however, mind you... They had been divorced over a decade... And he got a 25k bonus.... Guess who was holding out her hand for money and got it?? Bm...

so, you thankfully have a heads up on what its like.

if you have doubts, carefully reexamine your life with him. Somewhere there might be a red flag your brain is telling you about... But your heart doesnt want to see.

but i am sitting over here planning my divorce since i dont see my kids growing up in a safe, healthy, loving enviorment with dh and his sons. They come first in everything and my daughter is just a "spoiled bitch", "whore" etc cause she gets diapers, baby food, basic baby development items, and so on with MY check from work (dh buys 1 package of diapers ani
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by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 12:13 AM
My dh used to support bm but not to that extent. He just gave her whatever money she asked for whenever she asked for it.

I refused to live with him without a budget... clear and concise budget... it worked... he pays a fair amount now..
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by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 2:20 AM

The only thing I can say is do whatever your ever your "gut feeling" tells you to. Those feelings are almost never wrong. Stay strong and good luck. :)

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