Little background, my stepsons birth mother lost custody when he was 18 months, after that she was allowed supervised visits but hardly came, up until recently she visited about three times a year for about an hour tops each time, their only other contact was through letters and phone calls, now hes four and she terminated her maternal rights to him a couple months ago and I am in the process of adopting him. Even though her parental rights are terminated, we want to keep her in his life as much as she is willing, to maintain a normal life for him, so the termination wont effect him. She agreed that once her rights were gone, she would continue to visit and write and call. We talk to him about her, he considers me his mommy and is very insistant on that, but we explained to him that while I am his mommy who takes care of him, she is his mommy who he grew inside of, and that is very important and she loves him very much even though she doesn't see him very often. We have always had him call her mommy and he chooses to call me either mama or Lucy. Now that hes four he's starting to question things a little more, asking about the world and realizing why things are the way they are. The word mom has always just been a word to him, but now hes come to realize more of what it means. He is old enough to understand that she doesn't quite fit the definition of mom, but hes not old enough to understand why she is still his mom, he doesn't understand things like sexual relationships and birth and things of that sort. We keep a photo of her on his bedside table and ask him to say goodnight to her after prayers before bed, a few nights ago when I said "now say goodnight to mommy", he said "shes not mommy", ever since then hes been refusing to call her mom, hes been calling her by her name. We have tried to explain to him once again how shes his mommy, why she isn't here but that she loves him very much, that it would hurt her feelings not to be called mom anymore, that its okay to call her mommy and its not hurting my feelings, that he can have two mommies, but he gets very upset and insistant that she is not mommy, that I am. He just thinks of the meaning of mom, sees that I do all of those things, and doesn't understand why we are asking him to call this lady who he doesn't really know mom. We are really hoping to fix this before he talks to her next, we really dont want to start something or to hurt her with him not calling her mommy and we want him to understand his bond with her. He is usually a very easygoing agreeable child so I dont quite know why hes being so insistant about this. Or are we completely wrong and we should just let him call her what he wants to call her and just keep on talking about her to him and hope that eventually he will understand better when hes older.