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I get angry just thinking about SD.

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 10:03 AM
  • 13 Replies

 My husband has 2 daughters who are now 13 and 15. The 15yo has taken to me from day one. She is very easy to handle and now lives with us. The 13yo has despised me from day one. She's very outspoken and has never had a rule to follow. She lives with her mother. SD13 has always, very bluntly, said how much she hates me and how she blames me for her mother and father not getting back together....granted I came into their lives after her parents were divorced. I've always enjoyed getting the girls gifts for holidays and birthdays. I've always supported my husband in his decisions to take the girls out for fun. NEVER have I received a thank you for the gifts or fun for SD13. I've even found many of our gifts for her in the trash or destroyed. This is hurtful. SD13 always feels entitled and expects us to buy her whatever she wants. She is very materialistic and always about money. SD13 is beyond disrespectful to me and my DH has tried to correct her, but with such distance between us, it's hard to stay consistent.

My point of this post is that I constantly feel hatred and irritation toward SD13 now. Anytime her name is brought up I get irritated, especially if it is her demanding something from us. Even when she decides to be nice and respectful, I can't stand her, because it is usually followed by her demands. I hate having this horrible feeling about her, but I'm always proven right. I constantly think about the horrible things she's said about me. I think about all the times she treated me like crap and is so ungrateful for all the things her father and I have done for her. She treats my DH horribly too, and it drives me crazy. I try to talk to DH about my feelings, but he just gets defensive and doesn't understand because it's his daughter who can do no wrong...He still has guilt for not see her as much even though it was BM that moved across the country. SD13 has caused so many fights between DH and I too, causing even more resentment from me. I genuinely do care for SD13 and want the best for her, but I just can't get rid of this constant irritation and resentment towards her.

by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 10:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
happyfeet215
by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 11:13 AM
I dont really resent my 16 yoa skid......but she aggravates me to no end. She can turn a good mood into a sour one with one sentence. Her father def kinda does the same. Ignores and deflects problems instead of dealing with it head on. It started when the bm chose drugs and i moved in. He felt so guilty about bms doing that he forgot how to parent.....wanted to be the good guy. Left all the discipline to me. It is causing major problems in our relationship right now. I am struggling. I want the best for my 16 yoa skid and all the others kids that are watching with open eyes. It is hard. Someone just recently advised me to take a step back.....sometimes you want things so much you lose focus on the real goal. I am trying this. It is hard. Maybe you can apply this too. Dont tolerate disrespect but dont try to make her like you. It is her choice. She eventually will come around.
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happyfeet215
by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 11:18 AM
1 mom liked this
To say further.....13 to 14 years is the age i truly believe are the absolute hardest.
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EansMommy51806
by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 11:21 AM
I know exactly how you feel except it's the opposite with us. Dh has two daughters 14 and 8. 8yo loves coming over and spending time with us. 14yo is allll about money and getting what she wants. She has no rules at BM's house really do when she comes over (basically never does anymore) it's constantly a fight when asked to do something and if she isn't getting her way all hell breaks loose. She is always expecting something and never gives a thank you. She bad mouths her father everywhere all over the comp on her sites such as fb and what not claiming he doesn't care about her which is far from the truth. Drives us insane but really we think she is just too far gone. We still try but everything is a no and I'm sure it's going to continue like this while living with BM. Hopefully she will come around when she is older. Good luck to you!
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Mar. 20, 2012 at 11:37 AM

You should disengage from SD13 for awhile.  Let her dad deal with her.  Don't buy her things, because those things won't make her happy.  Let him get her things.

Do you have kids of your own?  Because it isn't common for teens to get stuff and not say thank you or show appreciation.  One thing's for sure, you will be met with a brick wall if DH even thinks you are criticizing his kids.  You will turn out to be the bad guy!  Even if you're right!  This is a good time to just step back and let him deal with her.  Maybe he'll get a clue when he has to deal with her almost full time by himself and has to deal with her disrespect 100% of the time.  Believe me, he won't put up with it if he's the only one dealing with her and maybe he'll wake up.

Mommy4000
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2012 at 11:43 AM

I can relate. Even though I love my step daughter very much, I have not been liking her at all lately. She has never been as ungrateful and demanding as she is now. She was the kind of kid who never asked for anything and yet was very grateful for everything. Lately she's been all about me, and I need you to do this for me. And not even asking in a nice way, just more expecting things to be handed to her. She's basically ignoring me because she didn't like what I had to say about a certain incident we are dealing with, and has been pretty nasty to her dad. So I know what you are going through, and it sucks. I think it makes it harder when they are not your own kids because you can't exactly parent them the same as you would your own. If my kids acted the way she's acting they'd get a foot up their ass, and I can't very well do that with her, so it causes resentment because it's completely out of my control.

Ankdance21
by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 11:46 AM

 It's hard to step back because then DH will just buy her anything she wants anytime and give in to her pleas... that's what he did before I came into the picture. Although, we did get her ski goggles for Christmas and she just complained that they weren't good enough. She didn't even tell him that she received them at first, let alone a thank you. That hurt his feelings, so I think he got a taste of how I feel. Maybe you all are right. I need to at least not help with getting her anything. I'm not trying to get her to like me. I just want the respect.

Ankdance21
by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 11:48 AM

 Although, I'm proud of myself for arguing with my husband about SD13 coming for a visit. He wanted her to come for a month. I said no because I would be the one having to run her around and dealing with her since he works a lot during the week. I will not put up with her for that long. He actually agreed and we agreed upon 2 weeks.

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2012 at 2:45 PM
2 moms liked this

I have 2 SD's that love us and 2 that hate us and dont come around.  One is 17 and got so mad cause her DH wouldnt buy her a new phone (contract wasnt up and nothing wrong with what she has)  She hasnt had visitation with us since last summer and bad mouths her dad on FB and to whoever she can.  The BM finds it cute and is her friend on FB.. she uses language that sailors only would use and the BM clicks like on it.. very sad to promote such lady like behavior.   I have a few choice words for that kid... besides brat.    The 2 that visit us are spoiled when they are with us.. so when they get home to BM's house they catch rath from the other 2 sisters.    If they are going to treat me like crap and their father.. I wont do crap for them.  Its a respect thing.. which alot of kids dont have anymore.. but in my home they will be respectful or wont be welcome.  

angelmommy2806
by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 3:00 PM
I've got this problem with Sd15. Every time she walks in the room you can feel the tension. I've tried disengaging to an extent, but also have a hard time when Dh gives in. It's a slippery slope and most the time I go to my room.

You can also step away when it comes to gift giving. If she's being disrespectful ignore her. I found it kills sd worse than if I say anything back. Good luck this summer.
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grownsexy
by on Mar. 20, 2012 at 10:37 PM

I would like to throw in a vent. Sometimes this gets better and sometimes it doesn't. I feel like I have a demon living in my house at the moment. She is twenty-nine and she still hasa entittled attitude. I don't know what to tell you are how to comfort you on this one. All I could say is hang in their. She has a dad let him use his money on her. I would not help out with her at all if she does not learn how to show respect. When she opened her mouth I would say ask your dad and keep it moving.

I don't like acting ugly towards a child. However, I have litte tolerance for disrespect. I hope things get better for you. I can say that the only way things will change is if both of you put your foot down and keep it down. Good luck.

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