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Attitude problems

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 2:56 PM
  • 16 Replies
Okay so while reading another post I had an ah ha moment:) does anyone else feel like their step children are resentful of your happy home. My hubby's ex is an eternal pessimist, victim, sad person. She raised his daughters with him exercising as much visitation as was allowed. These kids are young adults now. The older they got the more resentful they became. Hubby is a happy go lucky up beat kinda guy- everybody LOVES my husband. I mean seriously he is the poster child for popularity. And I've always been fairly well liked myself, social I guess you would say. Our 3 kids that live with us are the same way. Anywho his ex and my steps are NOT this way- they don't have many friends etc. soooo.... How do we deal with the fact that skids don't like us because we are happy ?? Any ideas or thoughts on this topic.
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by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 2:56 PM
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Mommy0505
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 4:14 PM
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We all create our own happiness.  I keep telling our 9 year olds this.

If they want to be angry over their personal perceptions, then let them.  If they choose to project their negativity or take it out on you then cut them out of your lives.

paladinmom
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 4:26 PM
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My SKs are resentful in the fact that my BC all obey and get their privileges more quickly - daily.  They whine and fuss about it.  Why not get off your duff, get your homework done, make your bed, and pick up your messes from snack and then you can have the same privileges?  Well, I suppose that is too much to ask - right?

Ankdance21
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 4:32 PM
1 mom liked this

 I definitely know what you mean. The exact situation has happened with us. The skids even feel bad for mom because we are so happy and she's not....boohoo. When SD brings it up, Dh gives her suggestions. Of course there are always excuses. Like "why don't you go for a walk or go to the beach", "mom is tired from working so much and doesn't have money for gas". ugh. Oh well. Dh and I have learned to not be bothered by it. We just don't gloat about some of the things we do.

newstepmom61811
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 4:34 PM
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Quoting paladinmom:

My SKs are resentful in the fact that my BC all obey and get their privileges more quickly - daily.  They whine and fuss about it.  Why not get off your duff, get your homework done, make your bed, and pick up your messes from snack and then you can have the same privileges?  Well, I suppose that is too much to ask - right?

OMG I so understand! I don't have kids of my own but if I hear my SKs whine about how they don't get their privileges because they choose not to do what they should OMG!  I don't know what I'm more sick of...my SKs whining or hearing myself answer "make better choices"...I think my ears are gonna explode off my head either way LOL...I'm sick of myself and them at this point...whiners and pouters OMG!  Not sure where they get it though, DHs side of the family has a motto...Life's hard, get a helmet (I love it)...definitely not whiners...Wow, it felt good to get that out!

E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:12 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting newstepmom61811:


Quoting paladinmom:

My SKs are resentful in the fact that my BC all obey and get their privileges more quickly - daily.  They whine and fuss about it.  Why not get off your duff, get your homework done, make your bed, and pick up your messes from snack and then you can have the same privileges?  Well, I suppose that is too much to ask - right?

OMG I so understand! I don't have kids of my own but if I hear my SKs whine about how they don't get their privileges because they choose not to do what they should OMG!  I don't know what I'm more sick of...my SKs whining or hearing myself answer "make better choices"...I think my ears are gonna explode off my head either way LOL...I'm sick of myself and them at this point...whiners and pouters OMG!  Not sure where they get it though, DHs side of the family has a motto...Life's hard, get a helmet (I love it)...definitely not whiners...Wow, it felt good to get that out!

LOL!

I go through the same thing, and I also say the same thing..... make better choices (with a smile).

angelmommy2806
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Can totally relate! Skids came from a very dysfunctional house living with bm. There was nothing stable about it. It seems like they're happy when there's chaos. Dh and I are very laid back, non fighting couple. Since they moved in every day is awful.
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looneytunes290
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 10:00 PM
You guys totally get this I think this is a seriously overlooked issue in being a blended family. Sometimes it's causing huge problems- even divorces due to the guilt that comes with trying to please the un pleasable. My husband and I have carried enormous amounts of guilt from not being able to make or keep these people happy. And for some crazy reason a lightbulb popped on iny head today and I realized for the first time- it is NOT my fault these young adults are unhappy. There is nothing I can do about it. And it's okay for me to enjoy life without them in it if that is what they choose. And it's like a weight lifted. Now of I can just get hubby to let go of his guilt:/
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MamisAngels
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 10:17 PM
We go through attitude with his daughters when they're with us on weekends. And they're not even 4yo yet?!
It's crazy, one will literally act miserable until she knows it's time to go back home to her mother. The other will be fine. Then the next weekend they switch, smh. We never know what to expect.
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nowynd
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 10:23 PM
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 If they are young adults, then there's really not much you can do.  There comes a time in life, that the child has to take the responsibility for his/her own happiness.  They make the choice and then deal with what comes with it.  Don't let their choice change yours.  Leave the door open, so to speak, let them know they are loved and appreciated and that's pretty much all you can do.  Maybe as they are out of their mother's negative environment, they will start to change their perceptions on the world.  If not?  Well, there's nothing you can do.  It's up to them.

packermomof2
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 11:09 PM

Maybe that has nothing to do with it.  Maybe they don't like the fact that you only see them as his daugthers and not "their" kids (I know, I know... you'd never say that TO them)

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