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How many stepmoms feel like a......

Maid?
Checkbook?
Chauffeur ?
Personal chef?
Referee?
Personal assistant?

Not because of their husbands- but due to the bm in their life? How many if us go into our marriages being the first one that is called about everything- until something happens -(possibly a kid feels maternal love)- and bm freaks out and suddenly has a problem with sm. This also seems to happen a lot around the time sm and daddy have their own baby I have noticed. Anyway usually at this point bm decides dad should be doiing more- and it doesn't matter what it is that she expects if dad doesn't do exactly as bm asks then he is labeled a horrible father who puts his "other" family first. I know I have lived this story- and have read different variations of it on here a million times. Anyone else experience this ?
by on Mar. 25, 2012 at 11:49 PM
Replies (21-30):
newwife1
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2012 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

What exactly is sad about a kid having parents that actually parent their kid?

No, my SS knows he has 2 capable parents and has no confusion about who his parents are and who is responsible for him.

I didn't say I don't care about my SS as a person. He knows I do.

I don't have to be involved in anything regarding his education, medical, etc to be a stepmom and care about the kid.


Quoting 2bkayleesmommy:

This is kinda sad.. Does ur skid feel u don't love them cuz u don't care?


Quoting newwife1:

Not me. Not at all.

I have zero responsibility and don't want any. I don't even know where his school is, have never done a pick up or drop off. Couldn't tell you the name of his doctor, nor do I care to know.

He has 2 capable parents that handle everything. I am not needed and I don't want to be needed. I'm about as hands off as a SM can get:)



YesImMomToo
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Nope not me i respect myself too much to let bm make me feel anyway.

She can have whatever problem she wants it has no bearing on our household. Bm has no say in our house.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
r_h_stepmom
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 12:54 PM
1 mom liked this

EXACTLY!!!! What the heck! 

Quoting atownrb:

 Yeah she figures out in the beginning that is way easier talking to me than talking to DH so everything goes through me until OMG the kids like me and then it's like i'm the devil and DH is a horrible father. Yeah been there!


Faeta
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 12:58 PM
i dont get how its the bm's fault if a person feels that way about anything.

if the kid is with the sm, then i assume its dads time? Would the sm really be happy with a bm or two just walking into their home, going through their kitchen, and making a meal for the sk while its dads time???

whatever i have done for my sk's is because i wanted to do it and didnt mind doing it. It was to help my husband who has always worked long/hard days throughout our marriage (minus about 11 months he was on unenployment).

the bm really was nonexistant til sk got an income/job. It didnt mater what she did or didnt do, because for over a decade dh did fine being a single dad.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
newwife1
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2012 at 1:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Furthermore, how in the hell would it show my SS I "care" about him by inserting myself where I am not needed nor wanted.

Should I barge into his PTC and upset his mother? Should I show up at doctor appointments when his mother has it handled and piss her off? Or offer his mother advice?

By knowing my place in the situation is being respectful to his PARENTS. By not causing waves and trying to overstep or insert myself IS caring about the child.


Quoting 2bkayleesmommy:

This is kinda sad.. Does ur skid feel u don't love them cuz u don't care?


Quoting newwife1:

Not me. Not at all.

I have zero responsibility and don't want any. I don't even know where his school is, have never done a pick up or drop off. Couldn't tell you the name of his doctor, nor do I care to know.

He has 2 capable parents that handle everything. I am not needed and I don't want to be needed. I'm about as hands off as a SM can get:)



babylover1
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 1:25 PM

I knew when I statred with my S/O that he had kids and have accepted them as my own from day one. I do what ever I would do for my own for them and when I accepted him into my life I accepted the kids and thats the way I look at it.  I also do not regret it at all.

adams.again
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 1:32 PM

I agree looneytunes290,IM WITH ALL OF U ON THIS!! Im living it now,when both girls come to our house every other weekend and a 2 days before they get here im on edge,then i feel like im crazy,the youngest will help me around the house and is good she just turned 11 and the 13 year old will be 14 in Sept can make me so crazy,but dad doesnt do much with them when they r bad,cause he only has them a short time!!


2bkayleesmommy
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 1:34 PM
"I'm about as hands off as a SM can get" this struck a cord with me in addition to, "nor to I care to know"

U didn't say u loved him nor u care..

I've gone to doctor appts with my SD ( he moms doesn't take her only my SO does) but.. If I didn't show interest in SD's school she'd be sad. She comes home and hands me her folder with all her "to the parents of" papers as well as she asks me to help her with homework. If I don't cuz I'm busy she's sad.

Your post seemed like "hahaha I don't do crap! When skid walks by I walk the other way, and I'm proud" sorry if I missunderstood


Quoting newwife1:

Furthermore, how in the hell would it show my SS I "care" about him by inserting myself where I am not needed nor wanted.

Should I barge into his PTC and upset his mother? Should I show up at doctor appointments when his mother has it handled and piss her off? Or offer his mother advice?

By knowing my place in the situation is being respectful to his PARENTS. By not causing waves and trying to overstep or insert myself IS caring about the child.



Quoting 2bkayleesmommy:

This is kinda sad.. Does ur skid feel u don't love them cuz u don't care?





Quoting newwife1:

Not me. Not at all.

I have zero responsibility and don't want any. I don't even know where his school is, have never done a pick up or drop off. Couldn't tell you the name of his doctor, nor do I care to know.

He has 2 capable parents that handle everything. I am not needed and I don't want to be needed. I'm about as hands off as a SM can get:)





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jc7981
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 1:45 PM

I must say I know what you are talking about. I didn't mind being all of those things to sd because I was already doing it for dd. bm freaked out because sd was getting to close to me. (and how ironic dh and I are expecting our first together). While she doesn't try to make dh feel like a bad father she does tell sd to tell us how bm wants dh to act. ex: the other day sd (6yrs old) says to dh that bm wants him to call all the time and talk to sd when she is not with him. sd then proceeds to say that bm says dh should be taking her more often than what he is suppose to and that if dh would do this bm would be happier.- dh said he takes her when he isn't at work and he see's her as much as he can. The part that cracks me up is before she was threatened by my relationship with sd I picked up sd from school every day and dh and I kept her until 8 p.m. every evening. We kept her every saturday because we paid for the girls to play soccer and bm couldn't take sd to any of the games. Now that I don't go out of my way to babysit for her anymore she says dh doesn't do enough. The reason I stopped is because bm called me a bitch and told me to quit trying to be sd's mom. DH works long hours every day and can't pick her up from school. This woman wants to have her cake and eat it too. 

whew. Thanks for letting me vent. She has been a bitch to us since I got pregnant. And I've been in the picture for almost 4 years. I now refuse to speak to bm and she realizes she dug herself a whole. bm is trying to make dh pay for it and he just ignores her. bm went so far as to tell dh that since bm lied to sd and told sd that she was signed up to play soccer when indeed she wasn't  that dh could not take sd to my dd's soccer game so that sd wouldn't know bm lied. Like sd wouldn't have seen dd getting ready for dd's game. Seriously. Grrr. But I'm the bad one. 

jc7981
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 1:50 PM

This is the point I am trying to get to. We have gotten to the point that bm has no say in our house whatsoever. My main problem at the moment is her telling sd she doesn't have to do what I say and that I am stupid and don't know what I am talking about. sd won't say this to me but she tells my dd all the time and it upsets dd. I hope soon I am able to just let it go and not even care about bm at all.

Quoting YesImMomToo:

Nope not me i respect myself too much to let bm make me feel anyway.

She can have whatever problem she wants it has no bearing on our household. Bm has no say in our house.


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