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Rejection from a step kid...

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 1:39 AM
  • 8 Replies
I have been married for almost 10'years. My step daughters are in High school now. We have had a good enough step mom relationship..... Until they got social lives and thought they can make all the decisions themselves. They have stopped coming over and we seldom see them. Not to mention I have my own daughter, their little sister who misses them more! Well I may be acting like a jilted junior high kid but it hurts. The oldest blocked me from her Facebook! Do I really have a right to throw a stink? Or just play cool? So i asked her. She fully guilty answered with a shy face, knowing she got caught. Why? She said because she doesnt like being tagged in photos. Didnt i deserve to be told honestly? Havent i been there long enough where they can tell me that stuff. I know its got to be more than that.... That cant be the reason. I have started to think that I am to blame they don't come over anymore. My relationship with my hubby has improved over the years, from fights over them or how to punish them or how I think young ladies should be raised, it's actually gotten better. So what does he say about it all? Ignore it. They will go away further and be distant from them. Easy to say he didn't get blocked! We've managed to arrange weekly dinner nights with them. It's been working out. When this whole thing blew over I was bitter.....I felt she was being disrespectful to her dad for saying she's not coming over anymore, etc. so I'm hurt for him. But now I'm bothered. I've ignored it as their dad said.... Our dinners are enjoyable. But I was curious what my Cafe Moms thought of this dumb situation.
Live, Love, Laugh
Regards,
LRG
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 1:39 AM
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Replies (1-8):
sid1083
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2012 at 3:34 AM
I think you being concerned about Facebook is silly. I can see how it would hurt, but what's more important - real life or what happens on a computer? If it doesn't bother their dad, I'd let it be; if it bothers your dd, just spend more one-on-one time with her - when she's a teen, she'll understand why her older siblings acted the way they did.
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mirm99
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 4:04 AM
I agree w the FB thing.. it's high schools stuff.. lol.. but everything else I would have a family meeting and discuss everything.. if they dont want to talk to u then fine.. it will hurt but fine.. disengage if that's what they want.. but no matter what family is family and they dont get to choose if they're coming over or not.. id make a family game night.. where they're expected to come over and spend time w they're sister and dad.. but im very family oriented so that's just my opinion momma.. good luck k!
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mom2cheesebug
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 4:10 AM

No kid really wants to be friends with their parents on facebook, especially step parents. i wouldn't take it seriously. And honestly when i hit my teen years i was never home, i was always out with friends, so them not coming over probably isn't to hurt you or their dad, its just more free time for them to do teenage things. They are growing up and every parent feels abondoned and not wanted anymore by their kids when they become teenagers, your a step parent but have been there for them so this is a natural thing.

newtothismi
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 10:52 AM

Dont be bummed.  Its totally natural for teens to freek like that.  My sister did it and I did it to my Dad and SM.  I fully expect it from my kids and my skids.  Just nature...not nurture.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Mar. 28, 2012 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Kids reject their parents as part of the process of growing up and staking their own claim in the world.

It's natural for a SM to feel this rejection more profoundly because their tie to their stepchild is always more tenuous than that of a biochild.

Hang in there.


leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2012 at 11:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Rejection is tough which is one reason I won't even attempt a relationship with SS. I think people should approach relationships with stepchildren cautiously or risk being heart broken.

LostOCmom
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 3:19 AM
Thank you all.... I know it's juvenile.... And it's expected from teens. I will continue to be there and engage in their life. Yes I guess SM would get easily hurt. Thx everyone.
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 5:24 AM
Teenagers think differently... It's part of growing up to get really self centered for a while.

Most go MIA for a while...Busy with jobs, friends, sports, school.

It's part of spreading their wings and developing their independent personality. They come back to earth when they get hurt, need down time or turn 25....

You're fine... Let them be. Be a positive, supportive influence.
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