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*UPDATE 3* *Update2* *UPDATE* So tired of being in this bubble!

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So I find out that DH just gave SD17 $120 and his bank account number so she can make purchases online. He never even discussed this with me! He never discusses anything with me when it comes to her and when I ask him why, he says "it's always a fight when it comes to this, so it's better that you don't know". Umm, last time I checked, we were supposed to be a team. And before anyone freaks out on me, I don't get mad that he gives her $, I get mad that he lets her go on expensive shopping sprees with our bill $, then I get a knock on the door from the gas, electric, water guy wanting $ so we don't get stuff shut off.

It's really pisses me off because she's almost 18, no job, no license, and she spends what money her mom gives her on booze, tattoos and stuff that no 17 y/o should have anyway. I just feel like I am always the one that is budgeting, and making sure I don't spend too much on things that we NEED, and he just let's her blow $ on random things that she doesn't need, all so she won't throw a fit. It's getting old! Idk what to do.


So I talked to DH, and instead of compromising, he called SD and told her that he could no longer buy her anything because, I won't allow it, now she is pissed at me. I tried explaining to her that its not that he buys her stuff, and that I never told him not to, just that we are having a hard time paying bills right now and I was concerned with the amount of money that was being spent. She doesn't get it and now its all my fault :( I told DH that if this is the way he handles things I don't want to be a part of it. He hasn't said a word to me since! UGH!


So! After a weekend full of emotions, after I told DH that I can't live like this anymore and to not come home. Let me just recap for you.

Shortly after DH called and told SD about what was going on I got a few nasty tests from her, to where I just responded that I am not going to text argue with her, she proceeded to bash me on her FB page, I am not her friend on there, but SIL is, and I guess they got into a heated argument, then DH called her and told her to take the post down, ugh....So now SIL is involved, well, this turned out to be the turning point, because she tore DH a new one, and after a day of us not talking and me pretty much telling him that its over, he comes home with roses, wine and dinner, and apologizes for the whole situation and says the he understands where I am coming from now, since, now that he has heard it from his family, he realizes that he cannot enable her anymore and feels completely stupid for calling her in the first place, but he was upset and made a bad decision. So for now, things are ok. We took the kids to the beach over the weekend, minus SD because now she refuses to talk to anyone in his family, including him, and we also went out on the boat. Things aren't perfect, but I am hoping that he can fix this before it tears us all apart.I just explained to him that yes, she is his DD, but this is OUR family and OUR money, not just his and that we need to sit down and discuss these things, esp big purchases, and he has agreed. So we will see!  Thank you ladies for all your support through this mess. You really helped me a lot! Hopefully this gets better, if not, I don't think I can deal with it much longer.



UPDATE 3:

Ok, so After all of this mess, we really haven't heard from SD17, up until DHs birthday, which I posted about in another thread, she called to brag about getting into a fight...anyway, whole other story there.

We are sitting in the living room and SD calls, its almost midnight, and DH ignores the call, I ask him why he ignored it, what if something was wrong, and he just says that if its importanat she will call back or Text him, otherwise he doesn't want to talk to her.....This is so out of character for him, he ALWAYS answers no matter what when she calls, unless he is working, so now I am just wondering what could be going through his head? Maybe her call on his birthday made him realize something he didn't see before, but I cannot help but feel guilty, I don't really know where to go with this.

by on Mar. 31, 2012 at 10:12 AM
Replies (61-63):
paladinmom
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:48 AM

Glad to hear that you and your DH are working through this and that he has "seen the light" so to speak.  

I wouldn't want to give up either.  7 years is a long time; and you're right - what would it tell the kids?  That when tough times come about, throwing in the towel is the easiest thing to do.  It isn't worth fighting for... I have been dealing with issues that make me want to just turn and walk away too.  TG that I've finally made some friends who actually give a damn and are here to help me out!  It is well worth the struggle to feel the satisfaction of working through it!!!  

Keep on the path, it may be narrow and winding, but, the satisfaction of struggling and making it through is worth it.  Best of luck!  I'm there with you (and it isn't an issue with my DH...).  

"I think everybody's weird. We should celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed by it."
~Johnny Depp~ 

AlmostFamous
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you, yes its a struggle at times, but like you said, its worth it to stick it out and work through it. I wouldn't want to break up a home for our kids aver this. The whole situation isn't fair to anyone involved so I feel like if I were to leave, it would only hurt my kids, and I wouldn't want to do that. So hopefully things will start to change, it won't be an overnight fix, but so far things have settled down a little!

Quoting paladinmom:

Glad to hear that you and your DH are working through this and that he has "seen the light" so to speak.  

I wouldn't want to give up either.  7 years is a long time; and you're right - what would it tell the kids?  That when tough times come about, throwing in the towel is the easiest thing to do.  It isn't worth fighting for... I have been dealing with issues that make me want to just turn and walk away too.  TG that I've finally made some friends who actually give a damn and are here to help me out!  It is well worth the struggle to feel the satisfaction of working through it!!!  

Keep on the path, it may be narrow and winding, but, the satisfaction of struggling and making it through is worth it.  Best of luck!  I'm there with you (and it isn't an issue with my DH...).  


AlmostFamous
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 12:39 PM

bump!

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