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When does the SM over"step" her boundaries

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:15 PM
  • 102 Replies
1 mom liked this

It seems like every BM has limits to what is overstepping by the SM.  Besides when SM call's herself "mom" (because we know that is a big no no to most BMs)  what makes you feel she just shouldnt do something.

 

by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:15 PM
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newstepmom61811
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:49 PM
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The BM in my situation would probably say me living and breathing is overstepping, that would be for any SM to her kids though...has nothing to do with me...
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newtothismi
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:55 PM
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 I hear ya. But for real...I wonder what BMs are thinking about SMs. Certainly we cant all be catagorized and horrible women who just want to "f" everything up. Just like I dont think all BMs are terrible parents who shouldnt get CS or CO visits. 

still breathin

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:04 PM
6 moms liked this
I'm reasonably easy going... Until I'm not, kwim?

I'll tolerate a lot Of things I don't like in the name of peace.

But disrespect and cattiness.... No I won't willingly tolerate that. Putting down my child or putting down me to my child. Permanent changes (like piercings) would tick me off.

Want to come to a ptc? Sure. But its bf and my show.....make your suggestions through us or when invited.

Want to come to a soccer game.... Awesome. Dd will sure appreciate it. Want to bitch about me while I'm there.... Buzz off.

That's the thing... There is a lot of things that having a reasonable relationship fixes. Suspicion and anger can get nipped in the bud. I'm a big believer in working to have a reasonable relationship.... Of course, it takes two.

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newwife1
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:05 PM
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Quoting newstepmom61811:

The BM in my situation would probably say me living and breathing is overstepping, that would be for any SM to her kids though...has nothing to do with me...

Same here.

Fortunately I have no desire to parent her kid or have anything to do with decision making or taking care of him.

Sometimes I think she gets pissed because she has nothing to bitch about because I do nothing lol. So she finds the tiniest things to scream about.

newtothismi
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:10 PM

 How about giving consequences to the skids, pre agreed upon for household rules? Do you think SMs should give or hold consequences in her home to skids?

QueenCreole313
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think the SM needs to remember she isn't the Mom! I know it's challenging (I'm both a BM & SM) but it can be done. Put yourself in the BM's shoes. You are an outsider. I don't think it's wrong to demand respect and common courtesy. But I still think discipline should be done by a bioparent.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes. Of course. And if I found out dd was being snotty to an adult... Or failing to do basic household things... I would hand it to dd myself.

Now if I found out sm was making her scrub toilets and floors every visit.... I would want to know what's up..... And is this something that sm and her kids are doing as well.

And if we could have a reasonable conversation... That would get solved pretty quickly.


Quoting newtothismi:

 How about giving consequences to the skids, pre agreed upon for household rules? Do you think SMs should give or hold consequences in her home to skids?


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newtothismi
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:19 PM

 

Quoting QueenCreole313:

 I think the SM needs to remember she isn't the Mom! I know it's challenging (I'm both a BM & SM) but it can be done. Put yourself in the BM's shoes. You are an outsider. I don't think it's wrong to demand respect and common courtesy. But I still think discipline should be done by a bioparent.

 I am a BM and a SM too.  Yes...I know that I am not the mama.  That is just silly in my case. The kids are 10 to 16 yrs old and have a mom.  Why...If I had one of my kid's friends over and would hold them to the same rules of the house wouldnt I hold my step children to the same level? Not saying I would ground or take away items or privaleges from them or my steps.  But I do think I should be able to be the adult in the house and enforce house rules..,no fowl language or fighting, no making out with your gfs. Lol...just the stuff that goes on.

vintagebikegirl
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:21 PM
2 moms liked this

You would THINK it should be common sense type stuff.

Permenant stuff like piercings tatoos and Hair dye.

Religion, education desicions, Healthcare, legal matters. (except when needed or invited)

Special stuff, like "the talk", mothers day cards made at school, helping pick prom dresses ect.


It isn't always that easy though. In some cases, like mine BM does not care and in some cases BM flips out on small petty stuff like SM helping to pick out Valentines day cards.



QueenCreole313
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting newtothismi:

 I understand. I think it's challenging. Step kids try to challenge their step parents more than their bioparents. I told my DH he needs to be the disiciplinarian. Yes, in a perfect world any adult should be respected and listened to, especially in their own home. However, in my case, I'm making my hubby stop being lazy and putting all the parenting on me. It's worked so far. They know I have no problem calling their father who has no problem putting "a foot up their asses". LOL (It's a figure of speech, ladies, no child abuse in my house...yet) LOL

Quoting QueenCreole313:

 I think the SM needs to remember she isn't the Mom! I know it's challenging (I'm both a BM & SM) but it can be done. Put yourself in the BM's shoes. You are an outsider. I don't think it's wrong to demand respect and common courtesy. But I still think discipline should be done by a bioparent.

 I am a BM and a SM too.  Yes...I know that I am not the mama.  That is just silly in my case. The kids are 10 to 16 yrs old and have a mom.  Why...If I had one of my kid's friends over and would hold them to the same rules of the house wouldnt I hold my step children to the same level? Not saying I would ground or take away items or privaleges from them or my steps.  But I do think I should be able to be the adult in the house and enforce house rules..,no fowl language or fighting, no making out with your gfs. Lol...just the stuff that goes on.

 

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