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I think the stepkids are killing their dog

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I think the stepkids are killing their dog and right now, DH and I are not in any form of agreement on this matter.  Its just another topic he sees as me "picking on his kids".

I want to start this off by giving a quick background on the dog in question who is now my stepsons.  She is around 10 years old, no one knows for sure. She has only been to the vet one time in her entire life on April 4th, 2012 when I demanded either DH take her to animal control for care or allow me to take her to the vet regardless of stepsons protests.  She has never had a rabies shot (still doesn't, will explain later), never had a real consist diet (her former owner, my BIL never feed her unless she was begging for scraps at the dinner table or literally stole them out of peoples hands if kids tried to eat on the couch. i.e. at big family gatherings we have an 8 person table, and two folding tables with chairs, and the kids 10 and under usually sit on the couch and eat off the coffee table. so they all have been biten/food stolen from). 

Now, when I moved in I put her on what my dog ate (he was an older dog, with seizures and food allergies. So I did special lamb and rice from the vet for him).  She did great! shinny coat, put on some weight... when BIL saw me feed her dog food, he flipped out on me.  He never trained her for anything, etc.  Started beating her really bad when she came to me, etc.

DH always said he'd fix it and never did.  I took my boy to the vet every 6 months if not sooner (the last few years since he was now elderly, 13+).  Now EVERY time I made his appointment, I begged/pleaded to take her too. One more dog wouldn't cost much, I'm already paying the office visit. So it would just be rabies, etc...  But BIL had it in his head she'd die.

Well after lots of drama, and me leaving and prepping the divorce paperwork... DH actually kicked BIL out and I moved back in with DD.  BIL never took the dog, she became the stepsons dog.

Now, these kids totally agree with their uncle on dog training/handling. Don't feed her, clean up after her (she isn't house broken). I have her trained now to go to the door, but if kids are here... and see me try to take her outside, they flip. Dogs just don't belong outside! I feed her/do what I want when they are at school, but when they are here I do nothing unless they aren't in the room.

She started acting weird/off about a month ago. The kids said she went blind and can't see, I disagreed and thought she was having seizures. My dog had them, I know the signs/what it looks like.

They wouldn't take her to the vet. Now, assuming they are right and she is "blind", why would they repeatedly beat her then throw her down the hall from their bedroom when she "blindly/accidentally" knocks over a can of soda on the floor? I totally went above and beyond what DH said to do (which was nothing) and called in an anonymous report to the animal cruelty line.

She kept seeming to be off. Kids didn't care.. she even has worms right now, for a few months and the kids wont treat her for it. I've done a few treatments but its not getting rid of it.  The kids instead bought a new playstation 3, video games, laptop, etc.

Well, April 4th....  To save retyping it, here is just a repost from my private journal with names changed to generic abbreviation.

I really don't think Dog is going to make it. I asked DH before I even said anything to the kids, if its okay if we just take her to the vet anyways. He said its okay and I can take her, even if SS1 says no.

I mentioned the idea of taking her to a vet today, she started acting even worse last night. She got stuck in the basement and couldn't climb the stairs to get back up. I'm sorry, but to me, that's like red flag 101919191 that she needs to see a vet. Sure elderly dogs get problems moving around, but at least get it scene before playing vet yourself. But they just put it off on her aging.

This morning SS1 asked if I minded watching her cause she peed two times in his room and it smells like chicken broth. He thinks she ate something with chicken in it and that's why. I disagree. I really don't think animals pee smells like the food they may have eaten. Secondly, where the hell would she get chicken at? We haven't cooked/made any in over a week at the house. So there isn't any way she got "chicken" or even chicken scraps from the trash or what not. To me, it sorta smells like a fainter version of the smell Baby did/had after he had a seizure. But I don't really know. For all I know, maybe she just has a dog version of a urinary track infection??? But I think a vet is in order.

I asked him if he minded me taking her to the vet while hes at college today or if he wanted to go with... he said he doesn't think a vet can do anything for her and its a waste of money (same song and dance). I'm like, your dad said he'd pay for it and its only like 60 dollars for an in office consultation / see her. For all we know, she just might have a urinary track infection and can be treated with antibiotics and get on a dewormer too.  Its worth the time/money if you care for the dog, but she needs to be scene. After a bit of talking he said okay.

I have an appointment for her set at 5pm today, but they said if I can get her in sooner they will be glad to work us in (I told them as much as I know/think/feel about her history). DH gets off work at 4 and will be here at around 4:15 - 4:30ish with the money and so he can watch DD. A niece (Niece) is going to take dog and I to the vets.

I know SS1 thinks they will just put her to sleep or that is what I'm going to ask for. But I'm NOT making that choice. I am making the choice/demand, to get her scene. The vet can decide treatments, etc. And I told him I will call/text him whatever is said, for him to have an input/decide what is going to happen, if anything with her.

Now to go get dressed. I still have Dog snuggled up in a laundry basket with blankets and a heating pad. I got a slightly dirty look from one of the kids for keeping her in it.... but I don't think Dog is all there, if that makes sense. shes just wandering around, shaking, seeming disoriented.. hard time moving. I think its safer for her in there and the vet assistant agreed since I did ask them what to do with her until she is there.

I do take her to the vet.... and again, sorry its long, but another post from journal

The vet was good/bad. I'm not sure to really say the least. I mean its nothing the vet did, its just the news, possibilities of treatments, and all of the related concerns with the care she will get from now on. Or should I say lack of care. Dog has liver failure, kidney failure, and more.



I guess I will start off with the before we get there. Niece came over, took a look at Dog and totally agreed that yes she needs to see a vet. So, I'm not being a total mental, obnoxious bitch for wanting to take her to the vet.

I didn't have a leash to put her on. Other dog chewed through the ones I had for Baby and Dog never walked on a leash anyways. So Niece and I just go with the use the basket route (its not like shes in any condition to run off, but still). She's sleeping in the basket fine and at least its something. So I switch the bedding out, remove the heating pad, and we are off to the vets.

We get there earlier, about 4:40ish. We go in and in a few minutes are in a private room with her. She's weighted and is a little over 12 lbs. The vet assistant comes in, we try to go over as much history of her health as we can. I mean honestly, she is 10 years old and I have not been in DH's life for that long, let alone the fact this was his brothers dog and he use to live with his parents until they died and he moved in with DH (no way to support himself, he never ever worked!).

I know bits and pieces like she's had seizures and her mom had them too. But there is no vet care history I can share since both BIL and SS1 refused to take her to the vet. For fucks sake, SS1 literally just bought a play station 3 and video games and made the choice to NOT take her to the vet because he didn't think she was worth the money. Instead, he said his goodbyes to her over a month ago and told her its okay to die. I mean, WTF.  I'm told this by Niece while waiting for the vet to come back in and its similar to what SS2 had said to me before I left to the vets.

The vet comes in and goes over some of the possibilities and asks what I'd like to do. Do I want to pay for the extended blood work to get a maybe better idea. He also suggested just putting her to sleep (almost like 10 times in this conversation) since she is old, and given her lack of care and age, she probably won't make it through the treatments like a younger dog would.  I go with the option for blood work and call SS1 to let him know the basics (they aren't sure what it is, but there is something neurological going on. No she is not blind and she does not have cataracts. They just took her out for blood work to be done.).

So while we are waiting, Dog has what I call a seizure. She's standing there a little disoriented, starts smacking her mouth almost like shes chewing bubblegum, with a little bit of drool about her muzzle.  I hate to say it, but um. Bingo! Its not something I want to be right on, but I've been telling these damn kids for a few weeks now, she is HAVING SEIZURES, but they don't see it as a seizure since shes not falling down and convulsing on the floor. The vet is like there are a few different types of seizures and what she is doing/going through is a type of seizure.

So now, the blood work comes back in. She has liver and kidney failure plus a few other problems that he said at this point, don't mater in consideration to the first two and the seizures. He said based on the tests he did, her liver probably has almost completely failed or is about to completely fail since the whatever was sooo low on the charts it almost didn't even measure. Meanwhile the amonia (sp?) is soo high, its not binding together to be filter out by her also failing if not failed kidneys. So, right now, though she has had seizures in the past, this lack of getting rid of amonia can be whats causing her to be so disoriented/confused to explain why shes walking/stumbling around as if shes blind. Since she does see the stool (when he was doing the check to see how she moves around objects he used his body and the stool as obstacles) and will move around it, but its clumsy. And if she walks under it to get caught by a leg, she's not backing out to get out of the spot, she just stands there.

Well, I did have SS1 back on the phone and put it on speaker so he could hear what the vet had to say when the vet came back in.
I talk it over with him, and then ask what sort of treatments can be done for her? At this point, SS1 is off the phone and wants to be called back when he knows how much its going to cost/if his dad will pay for it.

So we have 3 options given to us..

1st is we put her to sleep. Niece asked if that's what I was going to do because apparently that's what everyone had been texting her about. That I only brought the dog in to be killed. I'm like, NO. I made the choice to bring her to the vet because I couldn't stand to watch her be the way she was. Everyone was just writing her off to die and was okay with not doing anything for her. I already told SS1 before he left for school that I was NOT taking her in to make the choice for her to be put to sleep. I want to take her to be scene since for all we know, it could be a UTI and easily treated by antibiotics and maybe get a dewormer. Anything that will be done to this dog, will be, because HE said its okay to do this"

The other option is we pay to hospitalize her until she gets better. Its at least 300 dollars per a night, plus X amount per every house. I already knew we could not afford this. But it was still an option we told him about.

Lastly, we take her home with antibiotics and give her water every hour from a syringe to flush her system. Try a new diet (some can food they have for dogs with this condition), and see how she responds to this treatment before continuing with other stuff/or whatever. At this point, he knows she has worms and never had a rabies shot in her life. He said he does not see treating her for any of that at this point, since he doesn't think she would last a treatment (shes so dehydrated and hasn't eaten all of yesterday, up til that point at least).


So I call, explain it all to SS1. He isn't willing to help with any of the medical costs. I talk to DH and he talks to SS1. So it was agreed, we bring her home for option 3.

I get all the stuff from the vet, instructions printed (just in case he doesn't believe me when I say stuff), and we go home.

He isn't giving her the water by mouth/the syringe thing every hour, He's got a bowl of water I put down with her can food (vet said there was no limit on water, so any she drinks is fine but to still give the syringe filled at least 2-3 times every hour for the next two days at least). Then if she is drinking on her own, we can stop. But he will call today to see how she is, if she made it the night.

They all are at least listening to me on the food, but then again, shes not really eating anything. She did eat half of the can last night though.



So, I woke up at about 4 and heard SS1 up. I knock and ask how is she doing, did she pee.. etc. He is like shes stumbling around and he can't remember if she peed. I'm like, "okay, its very important that we get her to pee a lot, so you might want to try the water 2 of them, every half hour. if you need any help, please don't hesitate to ask or wake me"

But yeah. I just don't know how things are gonna go at this point. I didn't tell him what the vet said about her probably not going to make it long. I did tell DH.




So the dog has been getting a little better, and was able to move around yesterday/easter.  For holidays I always got my pets/her a treat from the pet store (they do make holiday theme treats out of special dog food, etc. all natural). But I didn't get any animals anything. So much arguing over the Easter stuff already and this dog is not suppose to eat anything except the dog food from the vet's office. We are trying to do a special treatment to see if the meds will work.

Well, SK's yesterday feed her everything and anything. Chocolate (though I and a few other people said dogs can't have it....). SS doesn't want her on the vet's food (because he doesn't want the money wasted. He um, does not buy her food as it is, I do).  She went from moving around to being disoriented, having seizures, and just a lump body of a dog on the ground yesterday.  I know one of my SiL agrees with me that she needs different care than what SS is doing/not doing.

Well, today, she hasn't improved. I gave her, her meds once the Stepkids left (one to college, the other is on spring break and went to his friends).  I have her confined to a basket with heating pad, she had fallen/rolled down the stairs while SS's were both here (neither thought anything was wrong with her falling down the stairs), and resumed her vet care/instructions/treatment.

DH doesn't want to take her back to the vet. He's already pissed about the 200+ vet bill. He says he doesn't want the dog, etc... but why can't we just find her a good home with someone who can work with her? or like properly treat her here??? Why won't he just tell the 21 year old "Grow the fuck up, take care of this dog if you want to keep her?"

I am just so feed up with all of them, DH included.

What would you do, if you even read all of that (or even parts!)???

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 3:55 PM
Replies (21-30):
momoftwo0406
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this

WHY the fuck did you go back? your Dh could give a shit less about you and your child if he can't be man enough to stand up for you. You need to leave and do better for yourself and your child. Plus why in the hell would you put your child around that.

Grow some balls and pack your shit and leave. your DH is worthless and if you were smart and loved your child you would leave and never look back. Don't be stupid you know dam well you would never want your child to live the way you are living so be the rule model and move out.

Quoting Faeta:


Quoting NowImAMom...:

Quoting Faeta:

i have put in a number of calls to the animal control/abuse line. I know my neighbor has too (i was even there when she made a call, since i asked her too).

i have thought about saying she ran away, but the BIL is nuts. He drives by (well, rides in the car as his sister drives) to report any house activity. So if they see her out, its told back to the kids.

BIL has been physically and verbally abusive to dd and i. The sister that drives/lives with now, has some crazy kids who have threatened to burn my dd and i alive, among other things.

so im really trying / hoping for something new to say to dh to get him to do something. Without it being something that would anger / set off BIL before i am living in another city with my DD.

cause otherwise, i would not put it past him/the kids taking it out on my 15 month old DD.

 Why would you allow yourself to live under circumstances that sound this dangerous? Why would you allow your daughter to live under these circumstances? I'm not trying to sound like I'm bashing you, but that doesn't seem like the best decision, especially since you said yourself you wouldn't put it past these people to take out their anger on your daughter. That just doesn't seem safe)=

Trust me, I did take my DD out of the house and left once it got physical. Especially refused to go back "home" when one of the stepsons got physical / pushed me when holding my DD when I tried to leave during the last assalt from the BIL. I had been prepaired with stuff at a friends just for that purpose. But DH did remove the BIL from the house, and the stepson that got physical is also not living at the house / just visits on weekends / dorms at college during the week.

But just because he isn't "living there", doesn't mean the BIL is not capable of doing harm. He has no job (never, ever, ever, worked in his life and hes in his mid 40's) and his violence towards me kept escalating since my DH would NOT stop it/ yell at him/ tell him to stop, etc.   The last "real" arguement I had with BIL was him telling me that EVERYTHING I did for my DH, I had to do for him including sex. DH was present for the arguement, and walked out of the room while BIL continued to scream and yell at me.  So he had no comment/ help to it all.

Then the next day, BIL started again... with what he said before "And if I refused he would use the other female in the house." The only other "female" in the house was my then about 7 month old daughter.

So, he moved in with DH's and his sister... and her kids have been in and out of jail/prison, on and off drugs, multiple other charges. So I really want to avoid them at all costs.

I think I've given DH enough time to "fix things", hes not doing anything.  I'm tired of him and his sons. He claims it will be better when all the kids are off in college.. but no offense to them... I'm not sure they will ever make it out of the house/on their own. The oldest did live on "his own" with aid for paying rent and his bills. But hes NEVER been actually financial for himself. I doubt he even knows how to be!

I'm just waiting for a combination of a job transfer and an appartment in another city. I put in requests for a few cities still in state (pretty much everyone but the one I'm at), and am on the waiting list or have it set to go/once I get the job.  Not to mention, tossing out online job apps for just about anything I'm qualified for in other cities.  I'm working on making sure I have the means to support my DD, since I know I can not rely on any aid/contriubtions from DH. 

It would be nice if he got some balls in reguards to his kids/family, but I highly doubt it will ever happen. And he and I both agreed, he isn't going to put up with me saying I want to leave cause I can't take it anymore (what his BiL did to me over the years) and I won't let my DD grow up seeing the abuse BIL was doing to both of us.   I couldn't even go to sleep for a nap with her, without fear of him coming into my bedroom. Yes, I have a lock (the L shape one that drops into a little O thing), but BIL could put a piece of mail in the crack of the door and open the lock.


So DH and I agreed, once I say I'm leaving, I am leaving and he will fight for custody.  I don't think its because he cares for her or wants her, he gets pissed if I even ask him to take her for a car ride (to fall a sleep) when hes getting or dropping off one of his kids.. just so I can take a shower or do something around the house / i.e. clean up after his kids!

He is finally willing to sometimes change her diaper if she does a stinky after I eat, since for whatever reason the smell trigers my morning sickness and I end up pucking everywhere....

So yeah, I really have no idea why he'd want custudy. Any time he has to do something for "MY" child... its like its a burden on him.  ugg


Love me or hate me there is no in between. I'm only me and that's all I will ever be.

Sekirei
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 9:31 PM

You do realize that you can be charged with animal abuse if someone else reports the dog abuse, because you did nothing... so can your DH

Get your child out (because that is just nasty) and call the cops, especially about the threats .

angelmommy2806
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 9:33 PM
I would take the dog to the humane society. Screw what everyone else says. Having that dog there is causing more pain than good. If she's to fat gone they'll at least put her out of her misery. That just sickens me when people do that.
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jazmin01
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 9:48 PM

personally i would take the dog away put her down why keep putting her through so much misery then i would leave and get a divorce because if they treat a dog like this then i would think how do they treat humans... im sorry but this is bullshit they are self absorbed assholes who need to go to jail for animal cruelty!!!

jazmin01
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 10:00 PM

OMG YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THEIR! IF THEY ARE THREATENING NOT ONLY YOUR LIFE BUT YOUR HUBBYS LIFE YOU NEED TO LEAVE ASAP!!! AND THEY ARE THREATENING YOUR DAUGHTERS LIFE YOU NEED TO GO IM SORRY BUT THIS IS NOT A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR YOU OR YOUR DAUGHTER!

Quoting Faeta:

i have put in a number of calls to the animal control/abuse line. I know my neighbor has too (i was even there when she made a call, since i asked her too).

i have thought about saying she ran away, but the BIL is nuts. He drives by (well, rides in the car as his sister drives) to report any house activity. So if they see her out, its told back to the kids.

BIL has been physically and verbally abusive to dd and i. The sister that drives/lives with now, has some crazy kids who have threatened to burn my dd and i alive, among other things.

so im really trying / hoping for something new to say to dh to get him to do something. Without it being something that would anger / set off BIL before i am living in another city with my DD.

cause otherwise, i would not put it past him/the kids taking it out on my 15 month old DD.


jazmin01
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 10:05 PM

i think the same thing you need to leave if anyone ever threatened me or my kids i would leave in a heart beat and get a restraining order against all of them...

Quoting momoftwo0406:

WHY the fuck did you go back? your Dh could give a shit less about you and your child if he can't be man enough to stand up for you. You need to leave and do better for yourself and your child. Plus why in the hell would you put your child around that.

Grow some balls and pack your shit and leave. your DH is worthless and if you were smart and loved your child you would leave and never look back. Don't be stupid you know dam well you would never want your child to live the way you are living so be the rule model and move out.

Quoting Faeta:


Quoting NowImAMom...:

Quoting Faeta:

i have put in a number of calls to the animal control/abuse line. I know my neighbor has too (i was even there when she made a call, since i asked her too).

i have thought about saying she ran away, but the BIL is nuts. He drives by (well, rides in the car as his sister drives) to report any house activity. So if they see her out, its told back to the kids.

BIL has been physically and verbally abusive to dd and i. The sister that drives/lives with now, has some crazy kids who have threatened to burn my dd and i alive, among other things.

so im really trying / hoping for something new to say to dh to get him to do something. Without it being something that would anger / set off BIL before i am living in another city with my DD.

cause otherwise, i would not put it past him/the kids taking it out on my 15 month old DD.

 Why would you allow yourself to live under circumstances that sound this dangerous? Why would you allow your daughter to live under these circumstances? I'm not trying to sound like I'm bashing you, but that doesn't seem like the best decision, especially since you said yourself you wouldn't put it past these people to take out their anger on your daughter. That just doesn't seem safe)=

Trust me, I did take my DD out of the house and left once it got physical. Especially refused to go back "home" when one of the stepsons got physical / pushed me when holding my DD when I tried to leave during the last assalt from the BIL. I had been prepaired with stuff at a friends just for that purpose. But DH did remove the BIL from the house, and the stepson that got physical is also not living at the house / just visits on weekends / dorms at college during the week.

But just because he isn't "living there", doesn't mean the BIL is not capable of doing harm. He has no job (never, ever, ever, worked in his life and hes in his mid 40's) and his violence towards me kept escalating since my DH would NOT stop it/ yell at him/ tell him to stop, etc.   The last "real" arguement I had with BIL was him telling me that EVERYTHING I did for my DH, I had to do for him including sex. DH was present for the arguement, and walked out of the room while BIL continued to scream and yell at me.  So he had no comment/ help to it all.

Then the next day, BIL started again... with what he said before "And if I refused he would use the other female in the house." The only other "female" in the house was my then about 7 month old daughter.

So, he moved in with DH's and his sister... and her kids have been in and out of jail/prison, on and off drugs, multiple other charges. So I really want to avoid them at all costs.

I think I've given DH enough time to "fix things", hes not doing anything.  I'm tired of him and his sons. He claims it will be better when all the kids are off in college.. but no offense to them... I'm not sure they will ever make it out of the house/on their own. The oldest did live on "his own" with aid for paying rent and his bills. But hes NEVER been actually financial for himself. I doubt he even knows how to be!

I'm just waiting for a combination of a job transfer and an appartment in another city. I put in requests for a few cities still in state (pretty much everyone but the one I'm at), and am on the waiting list or have it set to go/once I get the job.  Not to mention, tossing out online job apps for just about anything I'm qualified for in other cities.  I'm working on making sure I have the means to support my DD, since I know I can not rely on any aid/contriubtions from DH. 

It would be nice if he got some balls in reguards to his kids/family, but I highly doubt it will ever happen. And he and I both agreed, he isn't going to put up with me saying I want to leave cause I can't take it anymore (what his BiL did to me over the years) and I won't let my DD grow up seeing the abuse BIL was doing to both of us.   I couldn't even go to sleep for a nap with her, without fear of him coming into my bedroom. Yes, I have a lock (the L shape one that drops into a little O thing), but BIL could put a piece of mail in the crack of the door and open the lock.

 

So DH and I agreed, once I say I'm leaving, I am leaving and he will fight for custody.  I don't think its because he cares for her or wants her, he gets pissed if I even ask him to take her for a car ride (to fall a sleep) when hes getting or dropping off one of his kids.. just so I can take a shower or do something around the house / i.e. clean up after his kids!

He is finally willing to sometimes change her diaper if she does a stinky after I eat, since for whatever reason the smell trigers my morning sickness and I end up pucking everywhere....

So yeah, I really have no idea why he'd want custudy. Any time he has to do something for "MY" child... its like its a burden on him.  ugg



newstepmom61811
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 10:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Sociopaths and serial killers hurt animals and threaten people...stop talking about getting out and do it.
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paladinmom
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 10:23 PM
Unfortunately feata, newsm is right about the ppsychological classification here. It might not be 100% accurate, but, a lot of qualities you have mentioned about bil and ss do match up. Even with the way you get treated.

I truly hope the poor pooch gets help or passes soon before anymore damage is done!

As far as you personally, have all paperwork for divorce drafted and exactly as you want it BEFORE you leave! Hand dh his copy as you are on the way out the door and file as soon as you leave the mad-house!

It is breath-taking to read what kind of a life these males have put you through. Sad. I hope you stay with us, if you do end up in divorce!


Quoting newstepmom61811:

Sociopaths and serial killers hurt animals and threaten people...stop talking about getting out and do it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mommy0505
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Take it to get put down and then tell everyone that animal protection (or whatever they're called) came and picked it up and there's nothing you could do to stop them.

I doubt they'd care enough to even call and check.

MrKennys_Mom
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 11:04 PM
I would put the dog down and tell hom to fuck off.
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