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SS14 and SS16, I HATE THEM!!!

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Hi.  i'm new to the group.  I have 2 kids, a daughter 14 and a son 12.  Married my husband 2 years ago. he has 2 sons 14 and 16.  Their BM RUNS THE SHOW!!!  When they are here at my house (every other weekend and on wednesdays) they do not want to do any chores whatsoever.  Dont want to clean up after themselves.  I was told by the oldest 16 that when he comes over, he wants us to do 'fun' things like go to the mall or movies or out to eat, etc.  and get this... OR ELSE they will not be coming here to visit their dad anymore.  BM SUPPORTS THIS!!!!  omg.. she is f*cking crazy!  She has always babied them.  She is teaching them to be slobs b/c someone ELSE will always be there to clean up after them.  So now, she is keeping the kids away from my DH.  He can't see them until he and i agree to those terms.  Meanwhile DH wont stick up for himself or the COURT ORDER.  He is so afraid of her and she RULES HIM!  OMG!  What is his problem??  And who do these DA kids thing they are???  Royalty?  My kids have to clean up and do chores.  GRRRR!!!!  Please tell me how i can begin to respect my DH and his worthless kids!!!

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 3:18 PM
Replies (31-40):
TheStepMonster
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:07 PM
So what has changed? Somehow I don't believe that this happened since you and DH got married 2 years ago. SMDH
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SMHATINGIT
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:08 PM

ALSO... check this out. .... DH expects more out of my kids than his own.  EVEN tho his are older than mine.  Perhaps b/c my kids listen to him and do what he says.  His kids dont.  When he gets on them about it, they run to BM and she in turns 'has a talk' with DH.  oh brother.....  These kids and BM are running the show.  But i've gotten great advice on here from both sides of the fence on the chore thing.  Thanks!!!

SMHATINGIT
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:09 PM

Whats changed about which part?

trebelcleff
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:34 PM

If SS16 is demanding all fun and no chores, I think it's time for him to pay for the fun.  He's old enough to get a job... if he doesn't want to earn his fun, he can just go and work for it.  How does your DH feel about them not coming over anymore?  Even though it hurts, I think him agreeing to all fun, no chores (if he ends up agreeing to it) would do everyone a huge disservice.  Children need to learn that holding things like that above other people's heads isn't the way to get ahead in life.  If they tried that crap with a boss, they'd be fired.  If BM wants to baby them, let her... why should she get a break from it then be allowed to harass your DH about trying to control those brats?  She should get to deal with it all the time since she's the one that made them turn out that way.  I feel very sorry for your DH... his kids are rotten and there doesn't seem to be a lot he can do about it.  Hopefully as the kids get older they'll realize how horrible they acted and will outgrow those selfish tendencies.

packermomof2
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:40 PM

Another my husband can't parent his own kids, they don't listen to their father and it is all moms fault post... my favorite!!

And if you don't really hate them don't say you hate them and people won't get the impresion that you really hate kids.

thatislife
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 7:55 PM

Yep, I am really not wanting to be unsympathetic but at some point the Dad lived with the kids, did he not address this then and then continue to be consistent while they were coming over before sm ever entered the picture?  I'm not sure how it is ALL Mom's fault.  That seems like a bit of a cop out.  It could also be their age, my kid was the neatest one in the bunch and then he turned 13 and it seemed like overnight he really struggled with keeping a clean room.  I'm just not sure how it all keeps falling back to Mom either way.

Quoting TheStepMonster:

So what has changed? Somehow I don't believe that this happened since you and DH got married 2 years ago. SMDH

 

SMHATINGIT
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 7:59 PM

Yeah, i kinda question that myself.  I asked DH if this is new to them... having to pick up after themselves.  He says no its not new to them at all.    But honestly BM doesnt teach them any sort of responsibility.  and when they have to learn it here.. they dont like it. 

JacyB
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2012 at 8:01 PM
Anyone who refers to children as "worthless" doesn't deserve respect. Do everyone a favor and leave.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rose0919
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 8:40 PM

in our home ss is not thought of as a visitor! dh made that  very clear is is a member of the family and this is his home !and i agree 100%  he does chores here he is included in everything. bm didnt like it and told him to tell me that he doesnt need to clean our pigsty(clearing dinner dishes from the table  cleaning his cats litter box and some yardwork ).  when dh heard that come from ss mouth he was all over it! bm doesnt clean her own home. dh doesnt care what bm does in her home but here  there are rules to follow.

thatislife
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 8:43 PM
1 mom liked this

You talk about the kids laying around amongst a mess playing video games though.  Is dh playing with them?  If he is right there with them then why isn't he coaching as they go (no food in the living room, we need to pick up the wrappers before we start then next level, I'm placing the game on hold until the dirty socks you took off are put where the go, etc..,)  If he isn't with them then why not get them away from the games and spend time with them?  Sounds like they need more time and coaching on just picking up after themselves from their Dad rather doing stuff on their own and then to be dusting and sweeping the house that you all spend the majority of the time in.

Quoting SMHATINGIT:

Yeah, i kinda question that myself.  I asked DH if this is new to them... having to pick up after themselves.  He says no its not new to them at all.    But honestly BM doesnt teach them any sort of responsibility.  and when they have to learn it here.. they dont like it. 


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