"i love you but don't tell my mom because she says I'm not allowed to"
Ok here is a little background story.... I have a daughter that I have joint custody of, and her dad has a live in girl friend (she is NOT my daughter's step mom) that is controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive towards my daughter, so as a step mom, I know how birth moms feel and I have made a conscious effort since being a step mom to not overstep my boundaries.
my step son is 8 year old. For Christmas, he got a mini-net book from my father in law. my step son has never talked about wanting a facebook or even knew what facebook was, but shortly after he recieves this little netbook, my husband and I get a friend request from my step son on facebook. Well, I accepted mine, I mean after all, he is my step son; but my husband flipped out! He was livid because for one, you have to be 13 to even have a facebook account, and for two, because all of the pictures that were on his son's facebook were of him half naked and they were public! and for three, because he knew from the start that it was just a way for for step son's birth mom to snoop around on our facebook and be nosey about our personal lives (she is not on our friends list!). So he called her and raised hell because that is his son too, and the whole time, I didn't say a word. He asked me to delete step son off of my friends list because of the reasons listed and because he didn't want her snooping in our business. She just doesn't see a problem with him having a facebook and basically told my husband that she didn't care what he thought about it and that he had no say. So hubby just hung up on her. Well, later that night, I get a message from her, on facebook, and she cussed me up one side and down another (now mind you, I kept my thoughts to myself and my mouth shut over this entire little situation) and she told me that she couldn't believe that I would do this to her son, and she can't believe how controlling I am. Um.... WHAT???? for one, I haven't done anything wrong or out of the way to her son, and for two, I am not controlling, at all. She is. So I replied back and responded with just that. I let her know that I love her son, and I would never do anything out of the way towards him nor would I ever mistreat him in any way (in which she implied, because I deleted him from facebook) and I explained to her that my husband, who just so happens to be step son's dad, told me to delete him because HE doesn't approve of him having a facebook in the first place. Well..... the following weekend, step son is at our house and hubby casually asked him about facebook and step son says "what's facebook?" which just CONFIRMED that it WAS her and not him this entire time, and it was just her trying to snoop around and be nosey and using step son to do it!
Well, fast forward to Easter weekend... this year was her turn to have step son for Easter, so we took him his Easter stuff from us on Saturday. Hubby tells him that it's time for us to go, and he gives me a big bear hug and whispers to me "I love you, but don't tell my mom because she says I'm not allowed to".......... This was the first time that he's ever added that about his mom. When he's with us at our house, he tells me he loves me all the time, but I guess because we were in his mom's yard, he thought he'd get in trouble if she heard him. But I was dumbfounded! I hugged him back and said "I love you too buddy" and he hugged his brothers and his dad and went inside.
But I just don't get it. Why would she tell him that just to make him feel torn like that? I realize that she is insecure and resents me as his step mom, and there are some other things going on in the situation and my husband is getting ready to take her to court to get custody, but I just don't get it! I told hubby what step son said and he said "I know, I heard him, and I'm surprised you didn't run inside and rip her head off because I would have been ok with that" (LOL). I've been trying to forget about it, but I just can't. What type of woman would tell her kid that and make her kid feel like he is caught in a cross fire of some sort?