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UPDATE Sleeping arrangements

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If you have EOWE skids, where do they sleep??

We are currently trying to redo our floors in our house and we have a new baby on the way.  SD was sharing a room with my youngest.  With approximately 4 mos before baby we decided to get a nursery ready.  We agreed my two kids can share a room and bought them bunk beds.  I assumed dh realized this was so the baby could have its own room (so it isn't waking the kids up).  He apparently thought we were giving sd her own room and that the baby will be in our room (yes the baby will be in our room for a couple months).  After telling him no he suggested we give up our bedroom for sd and sleep in the living room!!  She only comes EOWE!!  I talked him into her sharing a room with the other two........then I had to open my big mouth again.  :(

SD is almost 3 and refuses to sleep in her toddler bed.  He gives in and lets her sleep in a pack and play!!!!!!!!!!  YIKES!!  (sd's behavior and dhs lack of punishment are a huge issue in the household right now!!)  I put my foot down yesterday and said NO MORE PACK AND PLAY!!  Then, like I said, I opened my mouth again :(  I suggested we move the toddler bed to the basement and bring it up on her weekends.  Im not trying to leave her out, I'd have the bed up and ready before she came.  My reasoning is, we are trying to redo the floors.  One bedroom is completely off limits right now and we are refinishing hardwood in the living room so theres no where but the one bedroom left for the kids to play.  BUT with bunk beds and a toddler bed set up they have no room in their bedroom either.  I just suggested we move it back and forth.  Was that horrible?  Dh thought it was and is upset.  He said, "this is *sds* house now too and its her room!!"  Im not trying to leave her out or not let her have space, but I am trying to be practical.  One of my friends said "when i went to my dad and stepmoms i slept on the couch and never minded a bit!" 

What do you guys do with your skids?? 

Last night I tried to compromise with dh.  I suggested we get some help from a few friends and get the 3rd bedroom remodel done asap.  I told him then sd could have that room until the baby is old enough to move into there.  I explained again to him the only reason I want the baby to have its own room for awhile is so its not waking up the girls all night.  The nerve of this guy...... He told me that I was again leaving sd out!!  He said she wouldn't feel at home and wouldn't understand why the older two got to share a room and I am making her be all alone!!  It was his idea originally to give sd her own room!!  I don't find it at all practical to give someone their own room for 4 days a month, but was trying to make dh happy!  I asked him, "Why is nothing ever good enough for you or her?"  He said, "She will always be my princess, get used to it!" 

 

by on Apr. 11, 2012 at 11:43 AM
Replies (21-30):
vintagebikegirl
by on Apr. 11, 2012 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Just get a trundle bed instead of a toddler bed, slide it under the bunk beds and pull it out when SD comes over. Problem solved. She gets a room, the other kids get some space while she is gone.

not-the-momma
by on Apr. 11, 2012 at 2:51 PM

I'm a CSM and DH & I get so annoyed when the topic of the kids sleeping arrangements at BM's comes up.   BM lives with her parents in their 4 bdrm house.  Only 2 bedrooms are being used, the parents room and BM's room.  They have one bedroom which is just storage and BM's parents refuse to clear it out for the kids.  The other room is BM's neice's room, but her neice is away at college (this is her 3rd year) and won't let the kids use her room.  So SD10 sleeps with BM in her bed and SS14 sleeps on BM's bedroom floor.  They've been going to visit 2 w/e's a month for almost 5 years now and the family refuses to make room for the kids.  SS used to sleep on the sofabed in the family room, but SS said that Grandpa stays up really late watching TV and SS couldn't go to sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning so SS decided he'd just sleep on the floor in BM's room instead.  Finally last weekend BM called to ask DH about buying an air mattress for SS.  It just breaks my heart that the kids don't feel at home there at all, and they aren't even my kids!!!!

stashia
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2012 at 3:41 PM

lol......we just started gutting the room and refinishing the floors......why isnt that ok?!  i want to put all 3 in the same room, whats wrong with packing the toddler bed away while shes gone??  She still has her own dresser, toys, toy box.  She has her own bedding, blankets, stuffed animals that the other girls are not allowed to use.  She has her own stuff, I just wanted to put the bed out of the way while shes not there.  Not once did I say I would put her on the couch.......i just said my kids sleep on a couch and are not so spoiled they can't handle it.  It would be her own bed, but while we work on the house, I don't see the big deal about it going in the basement.  I didnt buy her a sleeping bag, I got her an actual bed!  If we had the extra room to make a playroom we wouldn't have this issue now would we.  I'd really like to know where you get off telling me how we should be doing our home projects?!  I guess we all handle parenting matters with different maturity.  As if she would ever know that her bed goes down to the basement while she's not here.

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

You didn't previously state you were gutting the room. You said you wanted to make it a nursery and your DH wanted to make it SDs room. Never did I say give SD her own room! That's ludicrous. Just because you're OK with your kids sleeping on couches when visiting dad doesn't mean most parents feel that way or that any parent is wrong for seeing that as an issue. If my kids are going to be regularly spending nights their entire childhood at another location that is supposed to be a second 'home'' to them then I expect them to have their own bed and some space(ie. A trunk, dresser, closet, something!).
If kids are allready sleeping in the room you plan to gut then why not wait till the floors are finished to start that project? You said you didn't want to keep SDs bed set up in the other kids room cause they had nowhere else to play while the floors were getting done. That is why I'm suggesting you put all 3 beds permanently set up in one room and temporarily use the other room as a play room. This way no one gets their own room/ no favorite issues or discussions and since there will be no toys in the sleeping room the kids might actually go to sleep instead of staying up all night playing together. This way SD still 'always has a home here." and the kids that are always there have room to play. If it's taking you months to put floors down I gotta say, starting another project right now sounds like a really horrible idea!? What's up with that?


Quoting stashia:

My kids sleep on couches when they go to their dads, they dont care and either do I.  As long as they have somewhere to sleep, clothes on their backs, food and love they are happy and so am I.  Its by no means neglect, nor does it make them feel any differently towards their father.  Besides, I don't understand why you have such an issue with moving a toddler bed back and forth for a couple months for the 4 nights a month she is here.  Its not a "cot".  He's the one still putting her in a riduculous pack and play......I offered an actual bed.  As for the baby's room......you don't even know what all we have to do with it so you have a lot of nerve.  We have a lot of neccesary work to get done in there and with both of us working its going to take some time to finish.  We didnt move the kids out just to decorate.  I stated the baby would sleep in our room for 2 months, but after that I'd prefer it has its own room for the other childrens sake!!  When its older we will rearrange again, but until then Im not going to have them waking up to the baby every couple hours.  I don't understand whats wrong with kids sharing rooms??  Years ago it would have been odd if you didn't share a room.  I never once said I was putting this kid on the couch, I offered the toddler bed vs the pack and play.  Would you really spare one whole room for a child that was only in your house 4 nights a month??  Doesn't make me love her any less.  I'm being practical and dh is being emotional.  Would you give up your bedroom and sleep in the livingroom like my dh suggested, for someone that would only be at your house eowe??  Oh and obviously if the 3rd bedroom wasnt under construction I could make it a playroom, but why??  Why on earth would I make a playroom when we have enough problems with making room right now?  Again, we are not redecorating for a baby.....im a practical person, we are gutting the room. 


Quoting Ms.Gwen:

I'm a CSM, but DH made certain that each skid having thier own bed for visitation was in the CO. I'm thinking if it was my kid I'd want them to have their own bed/ area that was permanent too. I'd be pretty pissed if my kid had to sleep on a cot or couch like some kind of transient. I do however understand that there are temporary situations that may require some temporary solutions. How long is it going to take to get the floors done? What will be the arrangement after that? Is it possible to repurpose another room (like the dining area) into a temporary bedroom? If the whole flooring sitch is temporary why can't you just keep the baby in the room with you and DH and build the nursery after the construction is finished? It does seem ridiculous to put out 3 growing children so the baby can have a pretty little room to come home to? I guess what I'm saying is the baby doesn't need or want for all that much needed realty. The baby is not going to remember this time/ room. That means if were being honest having a nursery isn't for the baby. It's for the parent. It's a want not a need. I totally understand that you want to do some nesting but that is a want not a need. What you NEED right now is room for 3 growing children to live and play. I hope you get what I'm saying and put a stop to your frivolity before it destroys your marriage.

 



stashia
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Its a really light toddler bed.  Sure beats the pack and play he had her in though lol!  I get that it probably hurt his feelings a bit, but she still has her own dresser, toy box, toys, blankets that he doesnt allow my kids to touch.  So shes still got all of her stuff out and set up, just wanted to move the bed so they could play in their bedroom.

Quoting sandeeyo:

Oh, I see now.  It's kind of safety thing for the baby...I get it.

I don't think you're out of line suggesting getting SD's bed out of the way when she's not with you, but looking at it from your DH's point of view, maybe he's thinking that you're trying to remove traces that SD exists by doing something like that?   And, is it really that easy to move her bed around?  Wouldn't that be kind of a pain in the butt?

Quoting stashia:

To be completely honest with you, we've had so many behavioral issues with sd that I would be a little nervous with her sharing a room with the new baby.  She gets extremely jealous of other kids, she hits, kicks, swears, bites, lies, whines from sun up to sun down, still expects to be held and carried all day..... dont get me wrong, im sure shes got some issues that some counciling would be beneficial for.  We won't get in to all that right now lol.  I am really concerned how she will be with the new baby, she does not do well with her baby cousin :(  BUT after assessing the situation maybe I can try putting her with the baby and making dh get up with her when the baby wakes her up :)  (as long as i can trust her in there)  I honestly don't see why she cant share a room, she was already sharing with my youngest daughter before we started the home construction.  As for the toddler bed, was I really that out of line by suggesting we move it down stairs and out of the way while she is gone and just bringing it up on her eowe??  Honestly??

Quoting sandeeyo:

I guess if he insists, let him.  I'd show him that it's not a good idea (not letting the baby have a nursery to him/herself) by letting the baby cry in his ear whenever it wakes up for a feeding! lol

Or, you could try the SD/baby arrangement when the baby is old enough to be in the nursery.  Some kids sleep so deeply that a bomb could go off and he/she wouldn't even flinch.  You might compromise and try it.  But warn DH that if SD gets woken up too many times that it prob would be better for her to bunk with the other kids (for her health sake).

Quoting stashia:

i wouldnt mind if she wanted to share a bed until the kids got a little older, but dh wont stand for it.  You're right, its only 4 nights out of the entire month.  I dont see how its reasonable for her to have her own room either.  I also dont want her to share a room with the baby because it will be waking her up so frequently.  That wouldn't be fair to her.  Im really not trying to be unfair, just trying to figure out what would be practical.

Quoting sandeeyo:

How big is your kids' room?  Maybe she can bunk in with them if she's only there EOWE.  It's unreasonable for a 3 year old that's only there 4-6 days out of the month to have her own room...unless she wants to share with the baby when the baby is old enough to move out of your bedroom.

 

 

 

 


stashia
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2012 at 3:53 PM

i get that.  i never said i would put her on the couch.  i want her to feel at home, but i dont see why she cant share with the other two??  The only reason I want to give the baby his/her own room is because it will cry and wake up whoever is sharing a room with it.....not entirely reasonable is it?  She has her own dresser, toys, toybox, ect that will all be left set up.  I just suggested to dh that her bed get brought down to the basement and then set up before she comes.  she would never know the difference.  its not a cot or a sleeping bag, its an actually toddler bed.  currently he lets her sleep in a pack and play that gets folded up after she leaves anyway.....so whats the difference?  (pack and play was NOT my idea lol, i hate it and told him shes not sleeping in it anymore.  shes too old!!)  im not trying to make it any less of a home for her, but what about my kids?  this is their primary home, dont they deserve a little space when shes not here?  Im not kicking her out, just moving a stupid bed eowe.

Quoting not-the-momma:

I'm a CSM and DH & I get so annoyed when the topic of the kids sleeping arrangements at BM's comes up.   BM lives with her parents in their 4 bdrm house.  Only 2 bedrooms are being used, the parents room and BM's room.  They have one bedroom which is just storage and BM's parents refuse to clear it out for the kids.  The other room is BM's neice's room, but her neice is away at college (this is her 3rd year) and won't let the kids use her room.  So SD10 sleeps with BM in her bed and SS14 sleeps on BM's bedroom floor.  They've been going to visit 2 w/e's a month for almost 5 years now and the family refuses to make room for the kids.  SS used to sleep on the sofabed in the family room, but SS said that Grandpa stays up really late watching TV and SS couldn't go to sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning so SS decided he'd just sleep on the floor in BM's room instead.  Finally last weekend BM called to ask DH about buying an air mattress for SS.  It just breaks my heart that the kids don't feel at home there at all, and they aren't even my kids!!!!


stashia
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2012 at 3:57 PM

i dont have a problem with her sharing a room with the older two, actually thats what i want.  trundle bed would be nice, but we have the toddler bed now I dont see how thats much different.  Same concept, moving the bed after she goes for a little extra space and moving it back before she gets here so she never knows.  dh thinks she should have her own room and he thinks im excluding her by moving her bed while shes gone.

Quoting vintagebikegirl:

Just get a trundle bed instead of a toddler bed, slide it under the bunk beds and pull it out when SD comes over. Problem solved. She gets a room, the other kids get some space while she is gone.


hershey6
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2012 at 4:01 PM

I think this is the best idea!

Quoting vintagebikegirl:

Just get a trundle bed instead of a toddler bed, slide it under the bunk beds and pull it out when SD comes over. Problem solved. She gets a room, the other kids get some space while she is gone.

We have a 3 bedroom house right now with 2 boys in one room (oldest lives with us full time, youngest EOW and Wednesdays), 2 girls in the other (older is EOW and Wednesdays, younger is 50% or more) , and me and DH in the master.  We are finishing the basement and we will move the boys down there once we have a baby. 

~loving a child is a circular business... the more you give, the more you get... the more you get, the more you give...~
not-the-momma
by on Apr. 11, 2012 at 4:04 PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with letting her share with the other two.  That might actually make her feel more like 'part of the family'.  Obviously since your kids are there all the time, they need their own space, and as long as they welcome SD into their room when she comes that's great.  I agree, there's not much diff between folding up a pack and play or taking down the toddler bed. 

The only thing I would want to know is, if DH thought SD would get the baby's room until the baby officially moved in, what was he planning on doing with SD when the baby moved in? And by that time SD would be a little older and may get upset/hurt about being moved out of 'her own room' to make way for the baby.  Just sayin'

Quoting stashia:

i get that.  i never said i would put her on the couch.  i want her to feel at home, but i dont see why she cant share with the other two??  The only reason I want to give the baby his/her own room is because it will cry and wake up whoever is sharing a room with it.....not entirely reasonable is it?  She has her own dresser, toys, toybox, ect that will all be left set up.  I just suggested to dh that her bed get brought down to the basement and then set up before she comes.  she would never know the difference.  its not a cot or a sleeping bag, its an actually toddler bed.  currently he lets her sleep in a pack and play that gets folded up after she leaves anyway.....so whats the difference?  (pack and play was NOT my idea lol, i hate it and told him shes not sleeping in it anymore.  shes too old!!)  im not trying to make it any less of a home for her, but what about my kids?  this is their primary home, dont they deserve a little space when shes not here?  Im not kicking her out, just moving a stupid bed eowe.

 

 

 

stashia
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2012 at 4:06 PM

i agree, i see it being a similar concept to moving her toddler bed.  My plan was to put her in with the other 2, its dh that wants her to have her own room and is mad that if she has to share i want to move the bed.  We don't have the luxury of a big house, nor would I go out and try to buy a larger house we cant afford so all kids have their own rooms.  All the kids are happy.....its dh who is not.  She would be completely oblivious to the fact her toddler bed is being moved when shes not here.

Quoting hershey6:

I think this is the best idea!

Quoting vintagebikegirl:

Just get a trundle bed instead of a toddler bed, slide it under the bunk beds and pull it out when SD comes over. Problem solved. She gets a room, the other kids get some space while she is gone.

We have a 3 bedroom house right now with 2 boys in one room (oldest lives with us full time, youngest EOW and Wednesdays), 2 girls in the other (older is EOW and Wednesdays, younger is 50% or more) , and me and DH in the master.  We are finishing the basement and we will move the boys down there once we have a baby. 


vintagebikegirl
by on Apr. 11, 2012 at 4:08 PM

 With a trundle as apposed to a toddler bed...it's not actually leaving the room. It is supposed to be hidden away when not being used. I think if I were in DHs shoes I would feel less "offended" by that option. Then it would feel less like she was just a visitor to that bedroom and more like she was a permanent resident of that room.

It's an idea at least worth aproaching him with.

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