Ok first some back history. DH has full custody of his son (we will call him D) and his brother (G) (who isn't DH's) From day one DH's mother has moaned and complained about having G at her house when she has D. So many times she just asks for D over to her house for the weekend and won't achnolige that G is even family. My DH has had custody of the boys for four years since their mother walked out on them. Last year we introduced my two DDs to her and DH's family. His grandparents love all the kids and always wants us to bring them over. but Dh's mom acts like G and my Girls don't exist. It's fine for me because my girls have my mom (who envolves ALL grandkids in all events) and they are use to having just one grandma since my ex's mom died before they were born. Well once again DH's mom is at it about D visiting. It was perfect though. My DH has to help his friend move his dying father from New Mexico to Arkansas this week. I work Tue, Wen, Sat, and Sun 11p-7a so juggling everyone has been a feat this week. Luckly my Ex is a great guy and offered to come and sleep at our house while I'm at work so none of the kids have to be juggled and miss school. But Saturday he has already had a camping trip planned with our DD's and his church so he can't take the boys that night. We called both grandmothers (Dh's mom and the boys BM's mom) The BM grandmom has to work the same hours that night so she can't do it. and Dh's mom got all hissy and said "Only D can come" DH is naturally mad about it. but G is 9 so he can come to work with me and sit in the back office or pass out on a cot. but its still the point.
I'm expecting a baby and while DH was still heated about his mom I decided it was the time to tell him what I thought should happen after the baby was born. I personally could give a hoot less if she is involved in any of our childrens lives. My own mother and I had a rocky relationship during the first 5 years of my DDs lives and we didn't talk at ALL. I told DH that unless his mother can be involved in ALL the kids lives she isn't going to be involved in this childs life. She goes behind our backs on everything we have instilled in our children when she has D over and even his own father calls him an "a$$" when he comes home (not to his face, usually after everyone has gone to bed) We have put in great effort to make every child feel equal because of all our family factors coming into this marriage. After I told DH this he totally agreed but he is a former mommies boy so I don't know if he will change his mind after the baby is born. Is telling her this before the baby is born out of line? I know I've hit B*tc# mode but It is one of the few things I can put my foot down about. I will not have my child act like his brother because of the influence of its grandmother.